Sweets and treats

[tinkytonka]

Just wondering what others do

DH is a feeder. He offers sweets to DD every day. She is 3

We visited MIL this weekend and she gave DD a large packet of choc bars and a bag of biscuits. Whilst we are there its constant sweets, cakes, ice cream being offered.

They seem surprised she wouldnt sit and eat a roast dinner but devoured pudding

My own parents are the same. They come to visit with bags of sweets and chocs

Am i the only one who cares about sugar control? You cant buy a 3 year olds affection with sugar

She is only 3 and already has a filling.
Most of the family is overweight. Both sides

Feeling frustrated

I’m shocked she has a filling at 3. Can’t you be firmer? DH needs to get on board with it. A filling at 3 is really bad.

My mil buys 200g bars of chocolate and turns up every week to give the dc a bar each.
One of my dc are overweight and trying to eat healthier yet she appears with the chocolate despite knowing this.
She's also the first to comment on his weight.
I'm frustrated too and have hinted heavily that I'm not very happy however don't feel I can be too blunt as she has my down as a controlling ass already plus DP thinks she's just being kind.

This is absurd. Why are you not stepping in and putting your foot down?

An occasional sweet treat is fine. Refusing dinner and only eating dessert is not.

You need to be the parent here.

Take the treats off her and put them in the cupboard. Clearly state that the treats are 'pudding' and she can only have them after her dinner. After dinner offer pudding OR chocolate. When IL say you are mean say "I'm her mum, this is my responsibility, stop interfering" Brush her teeth.
You're her parent, take charge. You sound very passive, have you discussed the filling with DH and what did he say?

Have you tried to put your foot down with dh and your parents/PILs or are you expecting them all to be mind readers and know you’re not happy about the sweets?

The filling is down to poor teeth brushing. You need to be more vigilant with that and improve your technique / length of time brushing. . Lots of sugar is not good for a child , mine has something sweet everyday , sometimes at a weekend more than one thing , but it’s balanced with lots of exercise / playing , and a varied and balanced diet. Everything in moderation.

@Cantstopthewaves

My mil buys 200g bars of chocolate and turns up every week to give the dc a bar each. One of my dc are overweight and trying to eat healthier yet she appears with the chocolate despite knowing this. She's also the first to comment on his weight. I'm frustrated too and have hinted heavily that I'm not very happy however don't feel I can be too blunt as she has my down as a controlling ass already plus DP thinks she's just being kind.

Why do you care what she thinks of you? Your child's health is your priority. I would explain the situation to DC and take the chocolate away - put it in the cupboard and share a bar after dinner. Why allow her to effect your DC health?

@Cantstopthewaves

My mil buys 200g bars of chocolate and turns up every week to give the dc a bar each. One of my dc are overweight and trying to eat healthier yet she appears with the chocolate despite knowing this. She's also the first to comment on his weight. I'm frustrated too and have hinted heavily that I'm not very happy however don't feel I can be too blunt as she has my down as a controlling ass already plus DP thinks she's just being kind.

Your dcs health is more important than the feelings of your mil

You're right. It's too many sweets.
It's impacting on dental health and weight already.
It also depends on quantity and when offered. At 3 even a standard size of chocolate bar is huge.
Daily isn't terrible if it's a few chocolate buttons, but if that's in addition to puddings and biscuits- that's too many of the wrong kind of calories.
I think it's the daily ones you really need to get in hand. The visits can be managed - you allow DD something from the grandparents and put the rest away for later. Then hand them out in a controlled way.

Absolutely you need to enforce actual meal eating, not messing about with a roast dinner then just filling up on pudding and sweet treats! That’ll be an absolute nightmare going forward and should have been nipped in the bud from the start.

This drives me nuts too, my kids go to their dads at the weekend and he fills them with sweets, chocolates and often a trip to McDonald’s. They come home and their grandad comes over with a bar of chocolate and a bag of sweets each, I often sneak them into the bin once they have gone to bed (they never eat them all). I then spend all week trying to keep sugar levels low, we rarely have a take away, I feel I can’t spoil them due to them eating rubbish every weekend with their dad.

I have told both my ex (their dad) and my dad not to buy them sweets but they don’t listen .

Sweets every day is too much. My DC’s have a small chocolate bar, cake bar type thing every day, usually with their lunch or after dinner. Often dd2 will chose fruit or a mini cucumber over chocolate.

The filling is awful but it is also the perfect excuse to clamp down on this, " the dentist is very concerned about dd's teeth and she will need more fillings if she keeps having all these sweets".

Thanks for your comments. We need to sit down and have a chat about it. Its making me angry

Im by no means passive but feel like im fighting a one person battle as nobody backs me up and i feel like im the bad cop all the time

The child eats all her meals at home and nursery. She loves fruit and veg. Shes not a fussy eater and she isnt over weight. Not yet anyway

I was brought up to clear my plate. Dont eat your meal, cant have pudding and now i over-eat, and i feel conscious about not forcing her to eat meals she doesn't want

I* was brought up to clear my plate. Dont eat your meal, cant have pudding and now i over-eat, and i feel conscious about not forcing her to eat meals she doesn't want*

The obvious solution to this is that you don't offer pudding/sweets at mealtimes

Don't teach her that pudding automatically comes after a meal

@girlmom21

When do they come?

So sweets are between meals?

@tinkytonka you seem a bit determined to find a way to make sweets and puddings a daily occurrence … why on earth would you want them to be

Yoghurt or fruit is fine for ‘pudding’ most days surely?! If she still wants something after a main meal.

Just don't offer sweets as the norm and tell everyone to stop bringing them round and for your DH to eat them when the kids are in bed. I don't think puddings should be a daily thing personally.

No. Im determined to NOT make sweets and treats a daily occurrence but i feel like I'm the only one in my family with this attitude.

Im glad your stance reinforces mine

[quote tinkytonka]@girlmom21

When do they come?[/quote]
On occasion, when someone fancies a treat.

You can offer pudding occasionally, just not daily.

I have a 6 year old and a toddler and we had no problem with this first time round until DC1 started school and then kept asking for pudding - because you get pudding every day at lunchtime at school. So for me it’s not so much what they’re eating as the habit, and I have been careful not to introduce a pudding habit at home. At your daughter’s age I was very random - sometimes I would offer chocolate in the same way I would offer cake or a biscuit. Sometimes I wouldn’t. Sometimes I would let him choose sweets when out shopping. Sometimes I wouldn’t. That worked well for us as he had no expectations of specific treats at specific times (unless we were in a cafe). And we had no issues about regulating sweet things until he was at school.