Am I in the wrong?

[mumof2madboys]

My sons dad and I separated 10 months ago but were on reasonably friendly terms until recently. An argument started about something unrelated to what I am asking now but my ex partners daughter who is now 12 and I have known since she was 3 accused me of not including her and not doing anything with her after my son was born when she was 5 and a half. I feel this is completely unfair as I have always made sure to include her in everything but when I had a new born I didn't have the time I used to have to spend with her and she is now holding this against me like I'm this horrible ex step mum. I know she is only 12 but I feel so hurt that this is her opinion of me when I have done so much for her. It bothers me so much I don't know how to let it go!

Did she tell you that or did her dad?

She's probably lashing out. Try not to take it personally.

She has seen the breakdown of her parents relationship and now the breakdown of you and her dad.

This isn't your fault, but it's not hers either.

It would be easy to be angry at her for saying very hurtful things to you. But to make things easier for you, I'd remember that she is a hurt 12 year old who is lashing out.

My advice is to remind her that you love her and you love her as the best big sister to your little boy.

She won’t understand what it’s like to have a newborn. The physical discomfort, the sleep deprivation, the swirling mental emotions, cabbage leaves on your boobs. She won’t know any of that. Just a baby in a bassinet that everyone fussed over and she felt abandoned. (Even though she wasn’t it felt like that to her as a little girl)

She just saw it from her point of view. She felt unloved because her place had been taken by another.

Perhaps you could explain to her that you are very sorry to hear she feels like that, and that’s the last thing you’d wanted her to feel.

That you were really exhausted and in pain from having the baby. That you had in no way wanted her to feel left out. That you are upset that she thought you would do that to her as it’s so not the way you felt at all. But that you love her very much and hope she loves you too.

See how that goes down. She’s just a child. She’s projecting her frustration about her dad onto you. It’s not about that at all.