Struggling with two kids

[Struggling1191]

Hi,

This is my first time posting and I’m just after some advice on coping mechanisms for dealing with two young children as I don’t think I am handling it very well at the moment. I have an almost 3 year old and a 16 month old and they are both very demanding of my time, especially my youngest who cries whenever I leave the room, to the point where going to the toilet on my own is difficult even if he is in the bathroom with me- unless he is sat on my lap he cries. Then my almost 3 year old is going through the stage of wanting to do everything herself which is great but makes it very hard to leave the house on time, not to mention the tantrums.

I just feel like I have screaming/whining/demanding in my ear all day and I’m constantly trying to keep on top of household chores too. At the same time I don’t feel like I have the right to moan as I have supportive grandparents on both sides and my daughter goes to playgroup two mornings a week.

I just feel overwhelmed at the moment and like my mental health is suffering, I have a good husband who is hands on with the kids but he runs his own business which is demanding and stressful so is struggling himself with it all too. I have broken down to him and said I am overwhelmed, his response was that mother’s all over the world handle this. I just feel like I’m failing when I should be coping ok with it all as it’s nothing out of the ordinary.

You are most definitely not alone in feeling like this. I have an almost 4 year old and almost 2 year old and feel like you some days especially when we are all stuck in the house. Just because you have support doesn't mean your feelings are not valid, they are.

All I can suggest is to try somehow to have some time by yourself away from the children, your husband can help you with this or when the grandparents assist. You need to feel as good as you can to look after your children. Do something for yourself.
I've struggled so much these past weeks as we've all been ill with one thing and another and I've cried some days because I'm worn out. Just wanted to say you are not alone. From what I understand it will get slightly better as they get a bit older. Perhaps your oldest can make use of funded nursery hours the term after they turn 3. Take care now and give yourself a big pat on the back. You are doing great and better than you think.

Please don't feel like a failure OP, this stage is really really hard. It will all be easier for you in a year or two, but I know that feels a long way away right now.

Next time your DC are with their grandparents, make sure you don't rush round doing chores but take some time to do something just for you. A long bath or going out for coffee and cake or whatever you feel like.

It's good that your DH is hands on but his comment about other mothers coping was not very kind

You have two very young children it’s very hard work. I have larger age gap, 5 year old and a 2 year old and it’s recently started to get easier but that maybe in part because we now have a cleaner and DD2 has just started playgroup twice a week 9 to 3. What can you do to make life easier? Online shopping, reduce the number of toys, get a cleaner, make sure you get some child free time.

What is DH doing? Is he doing half the housework? It doesn’t matter if he works long hours because if your a SAHM I can guarantee your hours are long than his. You need to make sure you get equal amount of leisure time.

Thank you so much for the replies, really helps just knowing I’m not alone in feeling like this. Will try some of your suggestions- getting a cleaner is something my husband suggested today actually perhaps that’s a good idea to lighten some of the load. At the moment the kids take it in turn to go to each grandparents so I always still have one of them with me so I’ll try and change it up so that sometimes I’m child free- do feel guilty doing that though as feel my job is a stay at home mum so I should always have at least one of them with me! My husband runs two businesses so really is very busy all of the time and struggles with managing all of that himself so the household stuff really does fall on just me so got to find other ways to deal with it.

Wow I could’ve written this! My sympathies go out to you.

I have a 3 year old + a baby who’s turning 4 months and I’m feeling so overwhelmed. The 3 year old won’t start nursery until January and they’re both pretty needy (my 3 year old even more so). My husband is also a business owner and hands on when he’s home but other than Sunday when he’s off it’s only the occasional morning or evening. His attitude is the same as yours as his sisters have more children and make it work but they have cleaners and family support nearby. Neither of us have family in the UK and we’ve moved around a lot so don’t have any friends here atm. I’m just so shattered but don’t feel like there will be any rest bite until my oldest starts nursery in January. 😞