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Original poster

Three year old started biting... 😭

26 replies

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 21:47

his brother. He has done it twice, first time I thought he would not do it again. But he has. It's when his brother has annoyed him, last time when he was playing and then this time when he took one of his crisps. It's left a mark, second time was worse. Not really sure how to play it. Any ideas? I feel like he's got a bit more aggressive in general, it probably is an age thing too? 3/4 seemed to come up a bit in Google

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Brollywasntneededafterall · 16/10/2021 21:48

Well I hope you removed his crisps..

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 21:52

@Brollywasntneededafterall. I wasnt actually in the room. I went in when little brother cried and then found the mark when changing nappy about 15 mins later. Obviously I'm not leaving it unpunished but just worried what I did won't have enough impact and he will do it again. I have taken away his pennies that he has earnt (about 30p) and he sat in the stairs. I've also spoken to him about it and told him if he feels annoyed again he needs to get me and I'll sort it. Before you say it, no I don't supervise then 24/7 as in they're not always in exactly the same room as me.

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TawnyPippit · 16/10/2021 22:02

I’m not an expert, but I think its an age thing. I had one who was a proper biter at 3. We had to have discussions about whether she could stay at nursery school because it wasn’t great. The head of nursery school was unfazed and we had a strategy of being on it immediately, being very zero tolerance around it, but not making it bigger than that. From what I remember it passed fairly quickly.

(If you would like some consolation, she has just turned 18 and is just applying for uni. She hasn’t bitten anyone for years 😊, although her older brother still has a scar with teeth marks on the inside of his elbow)

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LifeIsBusy · 16/10/2021 22:04

How old is the younger brother? I think all kids go through some sort of phase between biting and hitting and it's normally to get what they want.

My 2 going on 3 year old quite likes to hit other children at nursery as a way of getting the toys he wants(we also had to sign an accident form as a little boy bit our LO and it left a perfect mark on his arm). So what I've done at home is to try and be the other child playing with the toy, to then not give it over until he asks politely.

At home when he hurts his much younger brother (5 months) or one of us we stop interacting with him remove him from the situation then ask him to apologise for hitting, then carry on as normal.

Who knows if it's the right thing to do

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:05

@TawnyPippit thanks. Luckily he doesn't bite at nursery....yet 🤞 I don't think he would dare to be honest. It's just at home with his little brother who is obviously a rival. He does love him too! I just felt so sad today when I saw the teeth mark on my little one

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Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:05

@LifeIsBusy 1.5

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Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:06

@TawnyPippit what was the nurseries strategy?

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Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:08

😱 to the scar @TawnyPippit...great you can laugh about it now though!

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Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:09

@LifeIsBusy and @TawnyPippit I feel like Iade too much of it perhaps today...low key but zero tolerance may be a bit better

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TawnyPippit · 16/10/2021 22:24

We just had to keep saying “No! We DO NOT bite!”, and then removing her from whatever she was doing, to move to somewhere dull. I think the advice was to make sure it did not get established. Not going to lie, it was somewhat embarrassing to be the mother of the biter, although the main victim was her older brother.

It was bad but short-lived. Maybe 6 months?

It was an odd one. I read that it is to do with not being able to express strong emotions but dd was an early and fluent speaker and I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that. She was very good at vocalising her emotions! We never really got to the bottom of it but as I said, she is now rehabilitated as a useful and upstanding member of society .

User0ne · 16/10/2021 22:24

@Brollywasntneededafterall there's enough shaming around having a biter without you joining in with crispy digs

Op I feel your pain. If I were you I would let nursery know that Ds has bitten his brother a couple of times recently so that they can be vigilant about monitoring situations where it's more likely to happen.

My eldest went through a phase of this, mostly directed at his younger brother but the first time he bit was a stranger at a soft play and I was totally aghast. I always immediately enforced a sanction; usually he would be removed from whatever play situation it was. We also talked about alternative strategies for dealing with frustration and sharing/turn taking as that seemed to be the driver for the biting. AND I tried to be as vigilant as possible in situations where I thought it might occur.

I don't know any adults in real life who bite people when annoyed so I feel confident in saying that the many children who bite do stop doing it eventually. Hand hold until he does.

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:30

Thanks @User0ne I was going to maybe ask nursery if they have any advice because I imagine they will deal with kids who bite.

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Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:31

Also crispy digs...love it, no idea if that was intentional or not!

@TawnyPippit.. 6 months! I thought you were going to tell me 6 weeks 😭

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Brollywasntneededafterall · 16/10/2021 22:35

Well 3 is old enough to have consequences.. Should he have been allowed to keep the snack he was protecting with his teeth? Or should we be too afraid to discipline our dc?

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:37

@Brollywasntneededafterall I did discipline him, if you read my post though I wasnt actually there when it happened so couldntvtaje the snack. If I was there, I obviously would have! Who wouldnt?!

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Brollywasntneededafterall · 16/10/2021 22:38

The poster who had a go at me. Wasn't criticising you op....

PonDeReplay · 16/10/2021 22:41

We got this book and read it lots, which made me feel like we were reinforcing the right messages: Teeth are Not for Biting

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:42

Thanks for that @PonDeReplay love a good book. I'm just wondering if he might be a bit too old for a book to help 🤷‍♀️

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User0ne · 16/10/2021 22:43

@Brollywasntneededafterall it's the insinuation that OP wouldn't have done that

"Well I hope you..." Blah blah blah

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 22:44

Yeah I did feel a bit like that when I read it @User0ne, but ah well.

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LifeIsBusy · 16/10/2021 22:57

LOs nursery asked me to sit down and have a chat with our son over his actions at nursery. Bare in mind he's 2 and at that point didn't chat.

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 23:01

@LifeIsBusy I mean chatting is all good, but even our three year old who understands me perfectly can understand we are all sad that he has bitten his brother, he seems to comprehend the seriousness of it, says sorry. But then in the heat of the moment does it again. I just wonder what is going on in his head to suddenly start as potentially he could have started biting before this.

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LifeIsBusy · 16/10/2021 23:08

I took the nurseries advice with a pinch of salt. I could hardly try and talk to him about a situation I wasnt present at.

I think they do it out of frustration and generally the best thing would be to try and stop it before he commits the act (not the easiest to catch though)

Original poster

Opalfeet · 16/10/2021 23:20

@LifeIsBusy that's my worry, because he's clearly not regulating his feelings and is acting on impulse so realistically will what i do have any impact? 🤷‍♀️

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LifeIsBusy · 16/10/2021 23:30

It might have an impact, you can only try but I'd stick with not making a massive deal about it as it might turn into an attention thing.

Catching him just before would probably have the biggest impact but that will be really difficult unless you engineer the situation.

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