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My son is so shy

8 replies

keepgoing87 · 14/10/2021 22:34

My son is 20 months old and is very unconfident in social situations. If he meets other adults or children he gets so visibly uncomfortable and shy, and will always cry if anyone apart from me or DH attempts to touch him.

This morning we got chatting to another mum with an older child on the train. The older child was really friendly and kept touching my son on the arm and hand. He burst into tears and the other child was then saying to her mum that she felt bad as she’d made my son cry. I then felt awful myself as I didn’t want the other child to think that she was in any way responsible! I also felt guilty that we’d left another mum with the problem of explaining that to her child.

I’m now in a catch 22 where I want my son to interact more to try and help his shyness, but am also really worried about upsetting other kids and making them feel like they’re to blame. It’s also really tiring to keep explaining to adults when he starts crying that he’s just not very comfortable in social situations.

I know how debilitating shyness can be and feel so sad that my lovely boy could find himself really held back by this. I see other children happily having cuddles with friends and family members other than their parents and really wish my son was able to do that too.

Our social situations are limited as I’m a SAHM (we can’t afford childcare or nursery). We do go to a few groups every week where he does interact a bit with other children and he goes to the park a lot.

Is he going to struggle with this for the long term and is there anything I can do to help him?!

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mynameiscalypso · 14/10/2021 22:41

He sounds entirely normal. Children of that age are supposed to be attached to their primary care giver(s) and be wary of others. It's a normal stage of development. Leaving that aside, there is nothing wrong with being shy. Allow him to feel shy if that's how he feels!

Notashandyta · 14/10/2021 22:44

Load if kids are like that at that age!! You're worrying unnecessarily.

Our second was super shy at that age and chats to anyone now

vampofsavannahGA · 14/10/2021 22:44

At 20 months that is entirely normal. Mine is the same, especially with other kids - he tends to be a bit more sociable with adults but it's intermittent! I run a playgroup and all the parents are apologising for their kids being "shy" and I keep having to tell them, no, they’re all completely normal!

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keepgoing87 · 14/10/2021 22:49

Is it really normal though? Several friends have toddlers of a similar age and they regularly share photos on social media of their children being held and passed around friends and family, all whilst giggling happily. There’s no way my son would allow another adult to give him a cuddle - other family members have tried on various occasions and he’s quickly burst into tears. I worry as I would love him to be comfortable in social situations - I know from personal experience that it can really hold you back in life if you’re not.

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keepgoing87 · 14/10/2021 22:51

I’ve also noticed at baby groups that some other children will happily approach me and my son and grab a toy or something, whereas my son will stay close to me and is reluctant to toddle off anywhere else in the room.

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Notashandyta · 14/10/2021 23:08

Please don't worry, and try to make the most of it- you'll be begging for cuddles in a few years! Enjoy this bonding time between you and lo, he's still a baby

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 14/10/2021 23:14

Is perfectly normal. I'd say even more so for the "pandemic babies" who missed out on the usual socialising.

housestuff · 14/10/2021 23:29

I'v 3DC, the first two were pretty shy as young children - only really comfortable with close family members. DC3 is the same age as your son but very confident despite being parented the same. Don't feel awful I think it's more common for young children to by shy than not. He will probably grow out of it, my eldest has now.

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