8 yr old son limited friends

[Countrylifemama]

Hi there

My son who will be turning 8 next month has been in school since preschool has attended the nursery there. So has been with the relatively the same kids since… we had a new boy join his class who happens to be my husbands friend and on the second that little boy made a comment that my son only plays with girls….

He has 2 close girl friends and another quieter boy… but since then my son who heard the comment feels conscious.. he tends to prefer less boisterous kids and hates things like football etc … but since that comment he feels pressured to be a boys boy???

Any advice on what to say or do? I’ve never thought twice but for some reason that comment has made think whether he is sociable but also whether he gets picked on because he hangs with girls?

Thanks you

I’d stick with the positives here. It sounds like he does have good friends, just not a lot of male friends. Who cares? He’s 8! And frankly… who cares at any age?

I think it’s important for your son to feel secure in his friendships, but he can do that with the friends he has. He doesn’t need to reinvent himself to “fix a problem” that isn’t there. I’d have a few chats with him asking about what draws him to his current friends, why does he admire them, what does he enjoy doing with them, etc., and try to help him feel enthusiastic (once more) about his existing relationships.

I'd just remind him why they are his friends and the fun he has with them. Then invite them all over for tea - if he would like.

Point out the new boy is new and probably feeling a bit lost and left out And remind your son he shouldn't have to listen to mean kids. The new boy doesn't know your son's friends so can't comment on them. Also Point out that mummy and daddy have friends that are both boys and girls and that it's normal.

One more thought - these sorts of comments are likely to come up a lot in your son’s life if he isn’t the boisterous type. A few years ago I read a book that was quite eye opening called “The Man They Wanted Me to Be” by Jared Yates Sexton. It’s the memoir of an academic (man) who grew up in the toxic masculinity of American Rust Belt, so a bit more culturally extreme than the UK… but actually a lot of it was shockingly recognizable. It resonated deeply with my DH. As a mother of two boys, it’s something that I’ve committed to re-reading every few years in the hopes of being able to recognize pressures my sons could and likely will face, and to try to have supportive and affirming conversations with them (age appropriately, of course!)

I think I would just focus on his current friends, like pp invite them over after school etc.
I think it would remind him why he was/is close friends with them in the first place.
And also a gentle reminder of you can be friends with whoever and whatever it makes no difference.

Excellent opportunity to teach him early that girls are worth having as friends.

Watching for advice too!!