Newborn and 2 year old - HOW do you do it?!

[lentil88]

I have a 10 day old and a very busy 2 year old. Husband going back to work on Monday, long hours so will be alone from when they wake up until after they go to bed. We're struggling as it is with two pairs of hands! How on earth do people do it?! Please share your tips and tricks... x

I have a six day old and 21 month old - watching with interest and in solidarity 👊🏼

Put the two year old in some kind of childcare some of the time - nursery etc

Learn to live with a lot of screaming.

Telly

It does get easier but the first few months are a question of doing whatever you have to do to survive.

I had a (just) 2 year old and a new born and my dp worked long hours. I won't lie, it was hard til we got into a routine. I found bedtime hard to start with, I'd put baby down for a sleep and when I took 2yr up to bed, newborn would wake up 🙈 it just took a bit of juggling and patience and trying not to have too many expectations. Take it hour by hour to start with. Sorry if that's not helpful 🙈🙈

Sling for the baby. Prepare as much as you can the evening before (or get your DH to) eg nappies, wipes all to hand, meals prepped as much as possible (by meals I mean have a sandwich made in advance for you and the 2 year old, nothing elaborate!). Definitely don't feel any guilt whatsoever about making use of the telly to entertain the 2 year old! If you think you might want to venture out have a changing bag ready the night before with everything you need.

The thing that made the biggest difference for me was the sling, the baby could sleep in there whilst I got on with everything else. Then telly for the 2 year old whilst the baby feeds (or you could read them a story if you have the energy!

It was bloody hard for about 12 months. I went back to work when baby was 6 months, but even that, and having a child minder didn't help with the tiredness and I used to go to some unused, dark and cool toilets to get 40 winks a few times a day.
At one point the CM asked the HV to visit us because she was concerned about us
You'll get through it - everyone does.

I have a 5 day old, a 21 month old and a 4 year old - so far so good but I've got DH on paternity to help me. Watching with interest to learn some tips!

IIRC it didn't take too long for my first two children to settle into a routine together so hopefully my new little one slots right in too.

In the evening you

pack the nappy bag so it's ready to go.
make lunches /snack box
lower your housekeeping standards
lower the housekeeping standards again

Use afternoon nap to start dinner, so in the slow cooker or chop stuff up so it's easier to do later. Plus quick and easy meals or meals that can be used reheated for another night too.

Sling

Get toddler out for a walk/wear out so they need that afternoon walk (puddle suit and puddle jumping is great fun)

Lower your standards and realise that a bit of tv is fine.

I always preferred to stay on top of laundry otherwise I never could seem to catch up and get it dry before it was a massive pile again. But I don't have a tumble dryer.

Nursery and Disney plus, lower your standards and call in all the favours you can (family and friends). As per pp a sling is invaluable both so baby sleeps and you have your hands free.

DH will have to be in charge of thinking about and preparing all meals, keeping on top of endless laundry and cleaning for the first few months, as long as you work like a team I think you'll be fine.

I have a 3 year old and 3 month old twins! I do think it is easier though at age 3 as DD is quite independent.

If I only had one I’d just go with the sling and doing what your 2 year old wants to do. I wish I could go out with my toddler with baby in the sling but I end up with sling and pram for twin2 so it’s a bit much! I’m a bit envious when I see people out with 2!

A sling is the only way we coped to be honest. Could do everything with my youngest in the sling ie prep dinner, take older one out for walks etc.

Watching with interest.... 15 day old twins and a two year old (just turned in July) .... it's hard. Husband went back to work on Monday.

1. we bought A tumble dryer 😂 this has really helped me keep on top of the washing.

2. storing food in the freezer! Again, really simple at dinner times to just defrost food during the day!

3. a long walk to the park- fresh air does all all good and the babies sleep!

4 ) can't think of a fourth tip as it really is chaos here, but watching with interest!!

I think I've blocked out the first six months. Baby was born Christmas then DH started lambing. It was brutal.

I think as a PP said just forget all standards.

Work ahead, always ahead. I'm laying out tomorrow's clothes at breakfast today.

Bouncers all over the place, bathroom kitchen and sitting room.

Accepting that there are odd points where someone has to cry. Eg toddler in bath and baby crying, you only have one pair of hands, what's more dangerous, the toddler, baby is safe.

What are the meltdown points, here it is teatime. So I made tea in the afternoon or morning ready to quickly heat. Then if shit hits fan at five tea is made.

Lots of tv.

Fresh air, as much as possible. We do huge walk morning, another at about half three.

It's just a survival game. But honestly it does get easier. Mine are ten months and nearly three. It's now hard with the crawling, eating toys, generally annoying each other, letting baby escape stage but it's easier than those first few months.

I've got a 10 month old and a 2 year old. Lower your standards. Then lower them a little more 😂! Nursery, cleaner, hellofresh (if you can afford these it will save you so much time). Aim just to make it to bed time, have no expectations for anything else. Everybody fed, nobody dead. Baby in the sling as much as you can. Get 2yo involved as much as you can - help with nappy changes, we bought DD a dolly with a bottle and she feeds her baby when I used to give baby a bottle.

I had a newborn, a 2.5 year old and a partner who works 6 days a week and long hours. But I literally did anything to survive. Get a sling you'll honestly get so much more done with a baby on you but your hands free. Set up routines that work for you. Remind yourself that your doing great because it is hard but your made of tough stuff. Don't sweat about house work it'll still be there tomorrow, and anything you do get done appreciate that it wasn't done before and it's all progress. Allow a few nights of "freezer food" just to help while you get into the swing of things. Remember there only little for such a short while soak it all up snd take lots of pics. Everyone also cry's including you let it happen feel those feels! Pre prep the night before, clothes, nappies bath stuff. I even had a change of bedding, clothes and nappies by the Moses basket in the night. It really does get easier just be kind to yourself and let it flow! I tumble and line dry but the sunnier it was the more washing I tried to churn out. Putting it away in time I still haven't grasped

Surrender to it, remember it's only a phase. Adopt the 'everybody fed, nobody dead' mantra. You will get through it. But your house will not be tidy for a few years.

I went out as much as possible. From about 9-4 most days.

Get things ready the night before.

Easy meals that don't need constant stirring etc

Designated toddler TV time for your own sanity.

Double pram if a young 2 year old - it'll get plenty of use even if you use the sling at times too.

I agree with the above and just did what the 2 year old wanted to do. Baby just came with us. Meeting up with other mum friends helped - everyone loves to hold a newborn. I also prefer to be out the house as much as possible but know that's not for everyone. If the toddler can go to nursery at all I think it's well worth the money. It can be hard to justify the expense on maternity leave but if you will be earning a decent amount when you return I really think it's a worthwhile expense.

Its really really hard but it does get easier. Sling. lower all expectations of tidy house, embrace it. My DH cooked on a sunday big things like huge lasagne and a stew so really minimal cooking in the week. Get into routine of daily activities where older one can play and you can sit with baby, like park with a friend in the mornings etc. Have a militant routine so you know what your doing and dont waste energy on plans and older child knows what your doing. Enjoy cebebbies. Do stickers, stories and other sitting down activities at home. Always have day bag packed the night before. Always rest when they rest. And know it will be ok in time.

It will get easier I promise.

Get the toddler 'helping' as much as possible, start training them to be more independent. That may sound a bit mad but things like getting dressed themselves etc.

Go out - walks in the park etc if nap times don't match so baby sleeps while toddler plays.

I had a high chair for our table and we'd do craft stuff at the table- toddler couldn't escape and was entertained while I did something with baby.

I had a newborn & 27 month old (they're now 3 & 5). Nappy bag always re-packed the night before with nappies for both, new pack of wipes, fresh clothes for both, fresh bibs / muslins & top for me etc so if we'd been out everything was checked & removed if dirty, replenished as necessary. The open pack of wipes moved to my basket that lived downstairs with a small collection of nappies for both, bibs, muslins & a couple of outfits for each (saved multiple trips upstairs when one of them inevitably got mucky). Washing machine went on before bed & emptied in the morning so could add mucky stuff to the machine throughout the day. Baby spent a lot of time in the moses basket on the floor initially as DC1 wanted to see him so it was safer than DC1 pulling it off the stand. The basket got moved around downstairs a lot, depending on where I was going to be as DC1 was caught trying to try & pick DC2 up 😬

I’m going against the grain here - but focus on the 2 year old. Make it all about him as much as possible; keep going to his groups, seeing his friends etc. Visitors are coming to see him and because they’d like him to show them his baby brother etc. Fit the baby around this as much as possible. Makes for a much happier sibling dynamic in the longer term (at least in my experience).

There's a 2 year gap between mine & I remember being shocked how long everything took to get done in the very early days..... but it does get easier! Prepare as many things in advance as you can, don't be afraid to use to tv to entertain every now & again & the best piece of advice was to get them to nap at the same time if you can - it saved my sanity! Good luck.

20 months between my youngest. Having a helpful tween saved my bacon as she was off due to lockdowns and just having her around helped. Also DH wfh, although he is working, and needs the door closed.

Much like all PP, lower your standards. A lot lower. Learn to love Duggee. Batch cook at the weekend. Prep as much as poss in quiet moments - get the toddler to help. So I often peel potatoes in the morning while youngest naps and 2yo scribbles at the table or counts out the spuds. Shower at night. Have storage everywhere and stash bum changing supplies, books and toys in every room.

Personally, I really loved it, but I also appreciate that my 2 year old son was a very easy toddler, and my newborn daughter was also very easy and content. Had they not have been, I am sure I'd have a very, very different opinion.

I cried every day. However, various things helped -

Cuddling and reading to toddler whilst feeding.

Sling. - started with caboo and moved onto a rose and rebellion, which enabled back carrying which was great for cooking/ housework. Baby learnt to bfeed in the sling at some stage.

I stopped being embarrassed about bfeeding in public.

Agree with pp about getting out as much as poss. We’d do a long walk to various toddler groups. There was often someone who was happy for a baby cuddle so I could play with toddler. Home for lunch and then toddler nap. Baby only cat napped on me.

After nap, we’d have an afternoon trip - park, library, walk.

Tea time was the witching hour! Simple tea for toddler, sat with him whilst baby fed. Bath time for toddler, dipped baby in as necessary and then baby in bouncer.

I used to record C Beebies bedtime hour so that I could play it earlier for toddler. Toddler bed and book, prioritised that over baby crying, or feed her whilst reading.

Once toddler was in bed, I would do a quick toy tidy and then cluster feed. I co slept as baby would only sleep with me, so she went to bed when I did.

If DW was working, I’d have toast for porridge for supper. If she was home, she cooked.

Packed baby bag the night before and laid out clothes ready.

It was really hard but looking back, it went in a flash. Hope you are OK OP, you can do this.