Have I lost her?

[DeflatedMummy]

My DD is 4 years and DS 4 months. I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself so any advice or reassurance is appreciated.

My DD is definitely a daddy’s girl. I have no problem playing second fiddle to her amazing dad but she often makes comments that honestly just really hurt my feelings. I know she isn’t doing this on purpose but it hurts nonetheless.

For example, I was cleaning up her grazed knee today after school and said ‘shall I give it a kiss?’ she said no, but daddy can give it a kiss. Or she got her foot trapped in our stair gate recently, I took it off the wall to save trying to push her foot back through, the first thing she said was ‘daddy is my hero’. These seem small but it’s multiple times daily and very consistent which I think is what I find most upsetting.

She does tell me she loves me. I told her I love her more than anything in the world and her response was ‘I love daddy and nanny more than anything in the world, and nobody else’. I said ‘not mummy?’ and she said ‘not anybody else’. Very rarely do I fish for it as it were, usually just respond with oh yes I love daddy too or similar.

The only thing I can think of is she gets more fun and playtime with daddy as I am breastfeeding DS or trying to get on top of washing. Don’t get me wrong DH is very domestic but doesn’t always realise how much needs doing. I probably more the disciplinarian as well, DH supports me but I often feel like bad cop.

It will change.

You are the most important thing in her world but she can’t see the wood for the trees.

I know it feels a bit crap, but actually this is a sign of how secure her attachment to you actually is. It's just 'there', she doesn't even question or remark on it.

It’s a logical reaction on her part or the new baby and all the upheaval.

It will pass, honestly!

Please don't worry, OP! This is totally normal and I remember my own DS going though his intense Daddy stage. Then he went through a stage of only wanting me. He's a little older now and it's very much balanced out.

She’s probably working through her feelings about the new baby - you’re number one and she’s using you as her emotional pushback. It will change.

Is DH out at work? I always found the parent who’s not around as much was much more interesting. And the others are right, it’s probably a mixture of getting used to the baby and being very sure you love her so not needing to try so hard.

Oh thank you so much everyone, this is exactly what I needed to hear! Having a little cry but a good one I think 😊

You are her safe space so she can push the boundaries with you. Don't worry it will pass!

I do also think it’s ok to sometimes gently let her know that it hurts your feelings.
And you shouldn’t be left feeling like the bad cop either. Don't let your DH fall into he Disney dad trap.

@Smartiepants79 he does, he’s away for at least 2 days and nights most weeks. Thankfully she’s seems to adore her new baby brother but I get she may be working things out still.

@jobsagudden thank you too!

I am feeling so much better than I was, it’s amazing what a few kind words can do

as I am breastfeeding DS

There you go
New baby
Just ignore and tell her you love her

@Smartiepants79 there is a little bit of that I think, he will always support the discipline/consequences and help me follow them through, and will tell her if she is misbehaving but rarely initiates consequences so I feel she’ll still see it as coming from only me. We will have another conversation I think.

My DD was like this when she was about 18 months through to about 3. I worked part time then was with her every afternoon so at weekends it was all about daddy and I felt really hurt and left out. Then she shifted and it was me. Now it's both of us really. We were talking about this the other day and were even joking about it. She's 8 now.