To have a second?

[Mio1994]

Hello,

So I have a 17 month old DS and the thought of having another scares the cr*p out of me. Pregnancy was fine, birth went as well as could do and DS is actually really well behaved most of the time, sleeps reasonably well and apart from CMPA we have had no issues, so nothing down to them things.

Recently DP mentioned having another and how it would be unfair on DS to not have a sibling. I just cannot see myself doing it again. I had post natal anxiety and struggled, COVID did not help. I frequently think to myself when DS is ill or having a tantrum 'thank god I don't have to do this again'. I still miss my old life and I know that's selfish, I would do anything for DS but I also miss the old me.

I then VERY occasionally get the 'yeah, I could just about do this one more time' feeling! But tbh DP is not all that supportive e.g I haven't had a lay in since having DS, always do the bedtime routine, always do night wakings, do all cooking, cleaning, washing, nappy changes, baths etc. So how would I cope with two?!

I then don't want DS to feel alone. Ugh any advice?

So he is nagging you to have a second child when he doesn’t even bother to help look after the first one? Sod that.

You may change your mind about having another further down the line, but whatever you do, don’t have a second baby unless your husband agrees to step up and do his share. If you don’t ever change your mind, that’s fine - there’s nothing wrong with having just one child.

Tell him he needs to take on more responsibility for the care of current ds before you will even consider it. You clearly don't feel ready for more atm and he should respect that, you may feel differently in time.

If YOU want to have more at some point you will cope.

@bookworm14 @Chelyanne thankyou. I totally agree that he should do more and I have raised this a couple of times and it leads to some improvement for a couple of days then just goes back to normal. He's a fab dad and DS loves him. He would do anything for him but feel like he doesn't really understand there's more to having having kid than just playing with them. I also work part time so it's a lot having to do everything! And tbh I love my job and don't want to have to give it up again for a while!

I'm getting the feeling I'm really not ready to even think about it yet, let alone do it.

I'd be really blunt. Say you couldnt possibly have another when you are already doing the lions share of all the unpaid domestic drudgery and the unfun parts of parenting like night wakes

You’re not selfish to miss your old life. I’m pretty certain I’m one and done too, never say never but definitely don’t be pressured into a huge life changing decision unless you’re 100% certain it’s right for all three of you. I have plenty of friends who are only children and very happy that way, with very close relationships with their parents into adulthood. I also have friends with siblings who they don’t have much of a relationship at all with, others who have siblings they get on with but aren’t extremely close to (including myself). All your baby needs is you, and for you to be happy x

I definitely wouldn't have a second with an unsupportive partner. We uhmmed and ahhed for quite a long time and I'm now pregnant with DC2, but my husband does his share of parenting and house stuff. I wouldn't have considered it otherwise.

Only children are not more or less happy than children with siblings. They are all individuals. And the best thing for them are happy parents and a happy home life. Sometimes, knowing your own limits is the best thing you can do.