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Parenting

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Original poster

how do you cope with this, overwellming primative love

50 replies

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 21:10

hi my dd is nearly 6 months now.
and sometimes a feel so overwellemed with love for her, like nothing i have ever experienced in my life before.
ive always been a quite a cautious person before, never fallen in love at first sight
or anything [until now]

say for example when i met my now husband we dated for a year and when i was certain it was going to work out, then we brought a house, then after we had a house for over 6 months i felt sure we where gonna be fine living together so we got a cat, then in a few years we saved got married and now have recently had our first beautiful baby.
so i always been very slow and approached life with such caution

and when dd was born i fell in love at 1st sight, my feelings are so strong in a way i could never of been prepared for and i feel fiercly protective of her in a v primative way, like if anyone ever hurt her, i dont know what ill do.

like even tonight watching x factor, when nikki was singing songbird the lyrics

"To you, I would give the world
To you, I?d never be cold
?Cause I feel that when I?m with you
It?s alright, I know it?s right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you "

just made me burst into tears!

nothing could prepare me for the intense feelings of love like a tidal wave hitting me and it feels overwelming at times

does anyone know what i mean?

OP posts:

Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 22:12

i feel like such a happier person, but not that i thought i wasn't happy before dd, but now i feel my life has just begun.

and the things i usd to think where important no longer are, like even things such as i now feel like i need to do my bit to help preserve the planet and become greener etc.

pistachio i feel exactley the same about if i see a sad story in the press before i too would of just thought oh that sad then forgot about it, now i could easy burst into tears over it

i suppose ill just get used to feeling this way then

OP posts:

Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 22:15

or i better brace myself if my feeling get stronger

OP posts:

JingleyJen · 08/12/2007 22:23

What a great post!
I didn't have that feeling with DS1 - with hindsight I had mild PND - but until he was about a year I felt like I was babysitting someone elses child - I really didnt want anything to happen to him - I fed him and kept him safe but there wasn't much more.

THEN I had DS2 and I felt envious when other people cuddled him, it is like a magnetism he is so amazing. If he is crying I ache inside. It isn't wearing off yet.. in some ways I hope it softens a bit or I am going to be the MiL from hell! (he is only 14 months so not planning marriage just yet!)
Anyway great post!

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Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 22:26

awwww shucks
thankyou jen

OP posts:

Vulgar · 08/12/2007 22:35

Does anyone still get that feeling of wonder when they look at their child? I got it nearly the whole of the first year and even now it can catch me by surprise. . .8 years later!

it's a cliche but I still can't believe he's mine!

sweetkitty · 08/12/2007 22:45

I thought this about DD1 and then DD2 came along and I feel the same about her too.

I get scary moments when I think if we were all drowning could I manage to save them both and it terrifies me it's so irrational.

Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 22:45

yes that feling hasn't left me yet, but thn again dd is only 5.5months old

but i know what you mean, i look at dd and think, shes sooo beautiful i can't believe we made her and shes all ours

OP posts:

miobombino · 08/12/2007 22:55

Totally normal; i adored all my 4 on sight, felt like a big mummy bear holding onto a little cub. I well up occasionally for all of them even though they're between nearly 4 and 14 now; last yr my then 11yo came last in the 800m at sports day. he had trained well, and has the skinny strong build that runners have. but he'd hurt his ankle at football the day before. insisted on running...everyone cheered him on and i was so incredibly proud of him. A very moist moment. All his friends hugged him and I felt so overcome.

So enjoy your lo and know you're not alone; they may grow, but your feelings will too.

yelnats · 08/12/2007 22:59

oh yes perfectly normal IME. that feeling when you watch them sleeping makes you just want to hold them forever and never let them go.

Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 23:01

how on earth do you cope when you hear them sing, esp in school plays etc!
i know im gonna be one of those blubbers too

and all the other things hopefully dd will have in store for, what i hope will be an amzing happy healthy life,

it must be amazing when your baby gets married or imagine how we are going to feel when they have children of there own

OP posts:

Acinonyx · 08/12/2007 23:19

It is very scary. I have lots of moments of fear that something might happen to her - or to me (and she would lose her mummy). It's the fear that I find especially overwhelming.

There is a saying about a man: if you die, your sister's tears will dry, your widow will eventually find comfort in another's arms, but your mother will mourn you until the day she dies.

Vulgar · 08/12/2007 23:26

Scary stuff.

The flip side of a coin that brings indescribable joy.

Original poster

robinredbreast · 08/12/2007 23:27

omg acinonyx that is so accurate its chilling to the spine

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Domesticgodless · 09/12/2007 00:05

It's true about how bloody painful the love is- and how strangely paranoid and morbid it makes you at times.

The love kind of rises up in your throat and chokes you at times. And of course you become boringly obsessed with your offspring and their wellbeing- I see people's eyes glaze over and can't stop myself!

I get horrible thought intrusions about losing one of them. I remember when I held my eldest just after he was born, feeling his utter vulnerability and thinking that it was just wrong, that nothing should ever be able to hurt him.

It's weird- I have been depressed since my eldest was born & have found mothering so hard, but at the same time, his birth 'made' my life.

liath · 09/12/2007 07:57

Ooh acinonyx that's made me cry.

When I was pg with ds I worried and worried that I wouldn't have enough love for him because I was so overwhelmed with love for dd. Yet I was so wrong - I love him just as much.

It does make you vulnerable - I remember somneone posting (it was tipex I think) that seeing your child is like watching a living embodiment of your own heart.

Maveta · 09/12/2007 08:17

Ohh, so soppy and yet all so true

If you've read the His Dark Materials trilogy, I said to dh the other day that ds is like my Pan

mairseydotes · 09/12/2007 08:34

Dh and I were discussing this the other day. We both love each other so much but we love DS differently...fiercely...we supposed we love him completely unconditionally and we dont have to "work" at loving him, like we do with each other sometimes...does that make sense...?! We are now wondering/worrying if we can love our second child, on the way, any more than him?

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 09/12/2007 08:45

I couldn't feel a single thing for Ds2 while I was pregnant - bad situation, hated his father etc etc. I didn't look at the scan pictures I'd been given, and had some pretty bad thoughts, wishing I would not have to have the baby
I can hardly write that now. It seems too awful. He is my light, my joy - I never felt such love for another, not even my first son. In some ways I think having felt so little towards him in pregnancy, it somehow turned it round in my head/heart, there was a point when I just felt overwhelmed with pity for the poor little mite, and seeings as nobody else wanted me to go ahead with the pregnancy it was then fairly easy for that to transform into a very, very fierce protectiveness and deep, deep love.
I would die for them both but this is like being out of my depth at times

inthegutter · 09/12/2007 12:55

Aww lovely post. I guess everyone on MN would understand how you feel. I'm not a particularly 'baby' person - I mean, adored mine of course, but I'm not 'into' other people's babies, and tend to find them much more interesting when they get a little older and are talking etc. But the strange thing is, the feeling will NEVER go away. Even as they grow up, develop into their own little personality etc, and start to piss you off with some of the things they say and do - that feeling will never go!

oldnewmummy · 09/12/2007 15:05

Completely agree with the sentiments, but DH and I adore DS even though he's adopted so no "he came from us" stuff. I look at him and see a miracle, and I wonder where this love came from, and would I have loved another child the same or just this one.

sprogger · 10/12/2007 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iklboo · 10/12/2007 13:28

Oh definitely gets stronger. And the best bits are, when you've had the crappiest day at work, the tram's late, it's p!ssing down and your shoes are letting in water - you get home and DC's face lights up, they scream "MUMMY!", run up and give you the biggest hug.
THAT beats the crap out of everything!

ISawSantaKissingKerrysNorks · 10/12/2007 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

santaslittlepeatbogelf · 10/12/2007 13:36

mairseydotes - it is the strangest thing. as soon as dc2 is born, it's like another door opens up and you find you have just as much love for him/her as for no. 1. And same for no. 3 (and we stop there, I thank you)

pendulum · 12/12/2007 13:59

desiderata thank goodness you are on this thread

otherwise I would feel like a freak

[currently experiencing weston-super-mare-esque feelings for DD2 (10 weeks), but tsunami emotions for DD1 who is in her first nativity this afternoon]

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