Potty training help!

[BessSedgwick]

DS is 2.5 and has been potty training for a couple of weeks now. He's clearly able to tell when he needs to wee, as he's telling nursery and hasn't had an accident there in over a week. The problem is at home: every day last week, he pooed in his pants almost as soon as he got home (so I think he's been holding it at nursery) and this weekend he's just not been telling us at all when he needs to go, so either we put him on the loo every hour or he wets himself.

He's desperate to wear 'big boy pants' and is very distressed by the thought of going back into nappies, but I'm wondering if this means he isn't ready - he either can't tell he needs to go, or won't tell us, and either way, is this a sign that we should give it a break and try again later?

Any advice gratefully received!

Please don't put him back into nappies now he has shown you he is capable of knowing where his wees go.

The book oh crap is brilliant but that starts with the child naked and you watching out for their cues. Maybe take a step back to where he was successfully using the toilet.

I didn't train mine until later but if he's shown that he can do it and has now stopped, could it be that the novelty is wearing off a bit as he's realised it's an every day, multiple times a day task? We used to have set activities that involved trying the toilet first (e.g. before leaving the house, before/after a meal) which set up something of a regular routine that was helpful. We also made a bit of a thing for while of clearly announcing when we were going to use the toilet (who says romance dies ) to try to instil the idea it was something everyone did and as a prompt of "do you want to come and try too?" which seemed to take the pressure off.

could it be that the novelty is wearing off a bit as he's realised it's an every day, multiple times a day task?

I think this is exactly it, at least for wees. I'm not 100% sure he can tell for poos, or maybe is scared to use the loo for them, but with wees he has just decided it's easier to be changed than to have to stop playing and go to the loo. He hates washing his hands, which doesn't help.

I don't want to put him back in nappies, but he's effectively using his clothes as a nappy at home, and I'm not sure how to stop him doing this.

Thank you both for your thoughts! 😊

No helpful advice. But I'm in a similar boat.

My daughter started potty train at 21 months. After the first 3 days. We had 1 accident a day for a couple of weeks. Then 2 months with 2-3 accidents a month. So easily having 2 weeks without an accident.

Followed by 2 months of 1 accident everyday, with the odd day of no accidents. With the odd day of only accidents. Very frustrating.

We've just had a pretty good week. So hopefully we're back on track now.

Thanks, @HereToMoan! How do you react to the accidents? I know all advice is not to be cross, but does that apply when they are deliberately choosing not to use the toilet? It's so hard to know what to do!

@BessSedgwick

Thanks, *@HereToMoan*! How do you react to the accidents? I know all advice is not to be cross, but does that apply when they are deliberately choosing not to use the toilet? It's so hard to know what to do!

I try really hard to be neutral. It doesn't always happen. I know she can do it. She can hold her wee for 4 hours. Then she'll stand next to the potty and wee on the floor. I definitely lose my cool more than I should. But it's so frustrating.

Sometimes she'll go for a wee on the toilet. Get off and poo in her pants. 🤷🏼‍♀️

The first 2 months we had almost no poo accidents. Only when poo was very very loose.

She's only 27 months. So I know she's very young.

I think the advice is to be neutral about accidents, but make it inconvenient for them as well for you. So they go in the toilet, quick, cheerful, back to playing. Accident, neutral in what you say, but make them help you or at least stay with you whilst you clean the clothes and anything else that needs it, so an accident means a much longer pause in playing. I'd point this out to them, too, just matter-of-factly, not negatively.

For the moment perhaps add in a routine of going to the toilet as soon as you get home from nursery? That's usually quite a busy time, so might not be helping him tell he needs to go?