16 month old - how do you get anything done?

[AmITheProblem87]

Hi guys,

I have a DD who is now 16 months old and I’m just wondering how everyone gets anything done around the house?

I’ve noticed that my toddler just seems to whinge, moan and cry any time I try to do something (sometimes just to make a cup of tea!) but as soon as I’m sat back on the sofa she stops. It’s so, so draining and maybe I’m just really naive thinking parenting was going to be much easier than I’m finding it 🙈🙈🙈 I play with my DD and shower her in attention and affection but sometimes I really need to do stuff around the house but the mega meltdowns every time is just becoming unbearable to the point where I just won’t do stuff :(

Is this a phase? Or am I doing something without really seeing it?

Oh and just to mention my house is open plus and really not the biggest so where I am in the front room/kitchen DD can easily see me.

Thanks

DS started liking the TV a lot at 2 so that helped. Then he stopped napping just after 2 so that didn't help....

DD, 22 months, 'helps'. It does take longer to get things done as we take turns with the sweeping brush, polishing cloth etc, but she loves it. Otherwise, CBeebies is a part time babysitter

I've got a 16 month old and a 3 month old. Currently relying heavily on tv 🥴 you gotta do what you gotta do!

Mine either goes on my back, in highchair with a snack or "helps"

My DD is 3 and a half and still like this most of the time, unless she's watching TV. She has only just started to play alone for a few mins here and there over the last few weeks and even then it's only for like 5 mins before tantrumming re-starts. Sorry to say you may have a long time to go yet..

I blame society giving parents the idea that is impossible to do anything with a tiny baby but it gets easier.

Oh for the days they could just go in the sling and i could do chores...

This is perfectly normal I'm afraid. My 2.5 & 4yo's can now entertain themselves whilst i do chores, but the amount of mess generated by them whilst i do so is counterproductive.

I think it's child dependent.

I've 19-month old twins.
One is a dream - she happily plays with a puzzle/book while I scoot around tidying/emptying dishwasher etc.
The other one will not entertain this at all - he howls, and pulls at my clothes and tries to push me away from the sink, and hands me a book to read to him. So I have to stop and give him some attention, and then try to get 5 mins more work done. It's very hard to cook.

Show your child how to dust the skirting bords

Hi. Twins here, boy girl, 21mths.

I have the £12 IKEA high chairs and these are hands down the best thing we ever bought. Neither of them can undo the harness, I can't see how any child could providing they had been strapped in correctly. Once they're in there, on goes something like Despicable Me so I can iron without Mr Tumble harping on

Stairgates, I'm not sure how children (if circa 16mths) are climbing over these, they must have something to get their footing on? Aren't the stairgates taller than their heads?

For the rest of the day, I accept that I won't get too much done until they go to bed. If I'm baking or cooking then they come into the kitchen with me, I give them plastic bowls and wooden spoons and they clatter about. Dust pan and brush is also good to keep them busy. I just make sure that they have something to potter with, virtually in front of me so I can try and get on without taking my eyes off them.

Seriously though, the high chairs are worth their weight in gold. Despicable Me, a big plate of snacks, and that's usually a good half hour to rush a few things through.

It is certainly a challenging age. I have a 1.5yo DS and he’s a whirlwind, he’s fine when I can keep him contained in one room with a load of toys, but I wouldn’t be able to do much else. I have a 4yo DD and she is challenging in other ways but I’m able to leave her unattended for short periods if I need to do chores around the house and it’s a game-changer. I’d say this got easier when she was around 3 but can’t remember exactly.

@TwinsandTrifle - stairs gates/ playpens/ cots he just uses arms and pulls himself up and then over head first. ( this is why they aren’t safe anymore)

Highchair - he sits on it fine at mealtimes, but when he’s finished just unclips and can get out himself. Stokke at home, ikea we have used out and about the same. So as long as we ar at table with him he’s ok and will stay, but can’t be used as a restraint here whilst chores done. He can Unclip pram straps etc too, luckily he likes pram so doesn’t tend to climb out, but as soon as home he unclips himself and is out.

@TwinsandTrifle if you’re talking about the cheapo IKEA Antilop highchairs, then surely the straps offer virtually no challenge to a climber? Is there an over the shoulder strap version I need in my life rn??

Ensure you have a safe place to put dc on the main floor (assuming standard house set up) eg playpen or travel cot, put them in with age appropriate toys and get on with what you need to do. Yes they moan but needs must

@LividLaVidaLoca yes that's exactly what I'm on about, I don't know the name of them, but we got these poncey looking overstyled highchairs at about £300 and sent them back, got the IKEA £12 ones as an emergency while we looked for a replacement and couldn't believe how brilliant they are. If the straps are done correctly around the waist, I can't see how any child can escape, they'd have to get their knees through the waist band, which is not possible if done up around the waist sufficiently. Unless your child can undo the clasp, which again, at 16mths, no way, unless you've got a faulty one. Ours took months to soften enough for me not to wince as I pinched the release clasp. Boy twin is nicknamed Houdini. He's always escaping or breaking in/out of where he shouldn't be, and it holds him.

Hmmmm. It seems I have been fucking the straps up for a year, then.

I don’t even bother with them now because he just escapes out of them. I suspect I’ve had them way too loose all this time

The trick is to accept that there will be the same amount of mess in your house at any given time, the only thing you have control over is how it shifts round. So eg if you take them with you to cook dinner, the kitchen cupboards will get trashed. Or if you take them with you to clean the bathroom, the big roll gets completely unravelled 😂

Also highly recommend having more kids because by comparison the young ones look quite well behaved and their contribution to the chaos diminishes as a percentage 😂😂😂

Should add these extra kids do not have to be your own! Invite people round and then it is allowed to have the whole place trashed and everyone knows it is rude to clean the bathroom while you have guests so you are legitimately off the hook for a few hours... 🤪

My 17 month can really, honesty just unclip the straps. The stokke 5 point harness clips, the ikea strap clip, the extra non brand from Amazon clip, the mountain buggy clips on pram, the babyzen yo-yo pram clips. He just unclips like dh or I would. The only thing he can’t do yet luckily is his car seat which is a completely different style. I really wish he couldn’t.

Mainly I didn’t, BUT i did used to get her to carry things for me, so give her a sock to take to the washing machine sort of thing and encourage her to move clothes to the dryer etc. She would help me put stuff in cupboards, mainly her plastic plates etc. Would pile them up on the counter, let her stand there and hand them to her one at a time so she could put them away. Makes everything take ages but she enjoys it, she likes feeling like she’s being helpful and it kills time.

Where she could get involved safely I tried to get her joining in. She’s been helping unload the dishwasher since she was 18 months (I remove all easily breakable stuff and knives first obviously).

Tbh though at this age they are an absolute nightmare to get much done with. i got a cleaner to do the bulk of the work, and DD helps me doing the daily chores but now she’s 23 months it’s a lot better and she’s got so much more adept at independent play since starting nursery so I can leave her for ten minutes.

I'm wondering why she is doing it/ what she is feeling when you leave the sofa.

Maybe she associates you being on the sofa with giving her your attention and playing with her. Do you usually play with her from the sofa and not play so much when you're elsewhere?

If so, she's probably getting a bit of anxiety that you leaving the sofa = no more attention for her.

Maybe you need to find ways to:

a) Involve her somehow in what you are doing, get her to "help" etc
b) spend less time on the sofa so that she stops associating that with you being present. Sit on the floor, at the table (if you have one), go into the bedroom with her etc. Just don't be stationary on the sofa so much.

Like many things with kids I think it is a routine/ habit that probably needs gently breaking.

It’s not so much that mine can escape containment. It’s more that if I tried to put him in a seat/play pen/whatever and did my own thing, he’d scream and scream. He’s been high needs since birth though and still doesn’t really tolerate being put down, so I’m not saying that’s the norm for a 16 month old at all

I really struggled to do anything when DS was this age. We had a cleaner for a couple of years even though I only worked 3 the 4 days a week as the house was getting filthy.

I remember on morning when it was DHs birthday when DS was about this age . I wanted to make him a cooked breakfast and the only way I could do it without DS crying inconsolably was to use a hip carrier and to cook with him on my hip

It was not ideal and by the time I had finished making breakfast I couldn't believe how stressful it had been and wondered if I'd ever be able to cook normally again .

It passed eventually but it is not unusual. Of course you'll get the mothers who have lots of children tell you they keep a spotless house with 3,4,5 children etc so why can't you but some toddlers are very hard work and without other older children to entertain them it is sometimes harder with one than with several.