My daughter hates me

[User123445]

I have an almost 2 year old. She is the absolute love of my life I couldn't adore her more. She was breastfed til 18 months, and we have had the most wonderful bond.
Her dad works a lot, often away from home for 4 days and then back for 4 so she gets all or nothing. It started with a strong preference for him when he's around. Which I understood as she misses him, she is insecure about not knowing or understanding when he will be gone again. He's a brilliant dad, not just Disney stuff he will do the daily grind with her when he is here too.
The situation has progressed to the point she is miserable with me. If he is here she tells me to go away, be quiet if I'm taking and won't let me do anything for her or with her. The first day he is gone when I get her up she is inconsolable, she won't let me touch her or comfort her.
I am at a complete loss as to what I have done so wrong for her to dislike my presence so much. I'm pregnant with my second and honestly I don't want to have another baby now because I'm clearly a terrible mum and I don't even know where I am going wrong.
I'm sure there is more I've not mentioned, if I add something later it's not an attempt to drip feed.

You are not a terrible mum! Far from it. I think the problem is the fact that your husband is away for days at a time, and your daughter may be anxious about him coming back. Hence, she wants to strengthen the bond with him.
Have you tried telling her in advance that daddy will be going away, but will be back soon?
The first day he is gone, you could let her help you to make a chart and let her cross off the days until he will be back. She might not be old enough to count yet but she will recognize that days are being crossed off.
When he does come home, use the time to give yourself a bit of a rest. Let him do things with her, and make sure that he also tells her that he has to go away, but he will come back soon.
I'm sure someone else will be along to give you more advice.

I have 4 children. Three of them have always been more for mummy and always preferred to be with me but my second eldest as a baby was equally happy with me or his dad. My eldest was a really clingy baby and it was exhausting so it was a relief when he came along and was settled with both of us but just after he turned 2 he suddenly became awful to me, he would hit me, tell me to go away and cry for his dad when he was with me. I was heartbroken at the time but it absolutely was a phase. Suddenly one day just stopped and went back to how he had been before. He's a lovely, caring boy and still has an amazing relationship with both me and his dad, but honestly for a good month or so after he turned 2 I really thought he hated me!

She obviously loves her dad, which is lovely but she loves you too. I might be in the minority here but I would be firm with her when she tells you to be quiet and go away and calmly explain that it is not acceptable to be rude/unkind to you just because Daddy has gone away. She obviously feels very secure in your love for her that she can behave like this and know you will still love her, but it’s not fair on you at all. It seems to be becoming a bad habit that needs breaking and not indulging with too much sympathy if that makes sense. Try and keep her busy when he leaves and have some plans in place, so she doesn’t have time to feel sad.

Hope you feel better soon. You sound like a lovely mum so don’t worry.

I know it's horrible and there's not much advice I can give other than to say it's definitely a phase and she will change her mind eventually.

This happened to our son, went from loving mummy to hating her and only wanting dad to hating dad and loving mummy in the space of a month.