My 4 year old’s behaviours just seem ‘off’ at times…

[DontWantTheRivalry]

I have a 4 year old (he was 4 at the end of August) and for a while now I’ve had a niggling feeling that his behaviour just isn’t ‘right’.

He’s on the go all the time….he has to run, he can’t just walk, and this is in the house too.

And he never stops talking or being silly, it’s constant.

When he sits with me he just constantly fidgets, always changing position…and I’m talking like every 5 seconds he’s changing his position and is just constantly shuffling around.

He’s like a little Duracell bunny.

But on the other hand, he can sit and watch a film (still whilst fidgeting), we can play board games for hours and he stays focused, he will sit and listen to me read to him for a good 20 minutes and stay focused and if we get any kind of art stuff out (paints, play-doh, crayons for drawing with) he can sit and focus on that for a long time too.

So I know he can be quiet, still and focused, but when he has his hyper moments they just seem so OTT.

He’s also really good at playing with all his toys on his own….he’s very imaginative and doesn’t need to be constantly entertained.

Maybe I’m overthinking it but I also feel that sometimes gut instincts are there to be listened to.

IMO as an EYFS teacher, that sounds utterly normal.

Sounds exactly like all of mine

Totally exhausting.

My husband has told me I’m being silly….I just can’t remember our first child being like this though.

They’re all different though aren’t they?!

My mum always tells me she was worried about my brother, he wasn't a typical 'boy' at all, he just sat and played quietly all the time. She even asked the GP. Then I came along and was the complete opposite, I was just on the go 100%
And damn is my DD the same as I was... she is 2 and just non stop, I also have a 7mo who atm is just so chilled and just isn't bothered by anything

I work in a Nursery and he sounds pretty normal for a 4 year old. Is your older child a boy as well?

Sounds exactly like my soon to be 4 year old.

Is your older child a boy as well

Yes, he’s 7.5 years old…..a very quiet and sensitive boy.

Whereas my 4 year old is an absolute power house, he’s not scared of anything and whirls around like a tornado

@DontWantTheRivalry

Is your older child a boy as well

Yes, he’s 7.5 years old…..a very quiet and sensitive boy.

Whereas my 4 year old is an absolute power house, he’s not scared of anything and whirls around like a tornado

My two boys are like that. They are adults now and the Tornado one's GP has suggested he might have ADHD. It never quite fit as a child although, like you, I always had my suspicions something was "off".

Sounds normal to me - I have three boys.

Four is too young to tell - lots of four year olds are like that due to immaturity. It does sound like you were blessed with a very placid older child!

If he is still like it aged 7, consider ADHD.

DBRo was like that as a child, and probably does have ADHD though he’s never pursued a diagnosis. Couldn’t sit still at school, but luckily bright enough to do well regardless. Causes him a few issues with tidiness and deadlines as an adult, but overall he’s pretty successful.

DS is also like this up, but seems to have calmed down since starting reception. Gets stickers for sitting nicely etc. So hopefully will either grow out of it altogether, or at least not have any issues at school.

His childminder doesn’t have any concerns and he’s with her for 30 hours a week whilst I work so that must be reassuring too.

I don’t know…..it’s just a niggle that I have. I have been known to be a paranoid mom though

Sounds utterly normal to me!

It's been quite some time since my DS was 4, but recently DH and I found some long forgotten video footage on a hard drive of both children from when they were young and I had honestly forgotten how non-stop they were. We loved looking at the "forgotten" footage, but part of me was thinking "were they really like that? That looks exhausting!" They were little Tasmanian devils! (And my living room looked like an explosion in a toy shop).

So I'd say that your little boy is probably absolutely perfectly normal. And one day he'll be a teenager whom you'll have to prize out of bed for Sunday morning football

It's so hard to tell at that age, many kids are the same. If you're concerned, keep an eye out as he gets older, these are the type of things to look out for
english.emmaclit.com/2021/03/18/lucine-and-enzo/

Do you have neurodiversity in either family?

Mine was like this- except wouldn’t/couldn’t sit and watch films, barely watched tv, never played imaginative games. On the go all day every day, i couldn’t leave the room for a second.

I signed us up for every sporting activity I could. Football was no good as they didn’t have the concentration to listen and do all the ball control etc, they just tried to belt around kicking the ball. Gymnastics was better as there was only a couple of following instruction bits in toddler class, so they could climb and jump all over. Swimming we just went ourselves.

Dh did express a worry at one point but the more exercise the calmer they got. Eventually they ended up being very good at one and train daily- but even now if they miss a session the constant movement comes back…

There is a huge range of normal, some dc only move when they need to and others never stop. Some are quiet and others never stop chattering. Nothing you mention sounds outside of the normal range in fact there's plants 4 year olds who can't sit and focus for a whole film or complete a board game.

My DS was like this at 4... and 5, and 6, and 7! I also worried about something being "off". I spoke to the GP and the teachers and nothing ever got done. Now he's approaching 9 and he's a little better. Not loads, but enough that I'm less worried. I think it's completely normal but I can sympathise with you because I, and a lot of people, have been there!

Dh did express a worry at one point but the more exercise the calmer they got. Eventually they ended up being very good at one and train daily- but even now if they miss a session the constant movement comes back…

My nephew was the same, I actually remember my sister saying he'd have probably ended up with an adhd diagnosis if he hadn't been sent to every sport under the sun til he discovered one he was amazing at and did that every day (still did some others too but it the ridiculous number he'd started with). He's 18 now and a perfectly calm young man but who is still sporty and active.

@BlankTimes wow that cartoon defínales me glad I’m not French! (Or using the French education system, anyway)

*definitely makes me

Do you have neurodiversity in either family?

My sister has two children, a 15 year old son and an almost 13 year old daughter.

Her daughter has got some mild learning needs and is under SENCO at school and emotionally/behaviourally she is quite young for a 13 year old.

Her son is what I would call NT apart from the fact there are only 3 meals he will eat, that have to be laid out on the plate in a certain way. And if he has a packet of biscuits, and someone else takes a biscuit from that pack, he then throws them away because he can’t touch them again himself. Obviously those things are a step beyond normal quirks, but personality wise, socially and academically wise he’s as ‘normal’ as any other teenager really.

There is no other neuro-diverse people in the family on either mine or my husbands side.

My 4 year old girl never stops. She constantly fidgets & moves & no chance she’s sitting & watching a film. She runs, never walks. She’s got SO much energy! It’s normal I think, I’m not worried. She’s always been like this. Her younger sister is far more chill. It’s been a surprise 😂 she’s 18 months & will sit and watch a good chunk of a film!

We’ve found that DD1 needs to channel her energy. We do gymnastics, we swim & she loves art. She’ll sit & draw & craft for hours. So long as she’s busy, she’s happy. School have said the same. She’s very active but give her an activity to do & she tunes in, is very focused & does really well. Her reading & writing have really come on in just 5 weeks because school is so much more focused than nursery was.

Sounds completely normal. My 8 year old DS hasn't stopped moving or making noise since the moment he was born! He does lots of clubs and we spend most of the weekend outdoors to try and burn off some of his never ending energy.