24 hours with no crying?

[UtterTosh]

How old was everyone's child when they stopped crying what feels like every 5 minutes? Honestly beginning to wonder if it's just my child or if it's still within the realms of normal.

Despite sleeping from about 7 - 5/6 every morning starts with tears and then throughout the day it feels like I'm fighting constant grumpiness and the smallest thing sets off yet more crying.

Some of it is definitely typical 2 year old stubborness and tantrums but it feels like more of the day is spent in tears than not and I'm sure at 2 this much misery should be pestering out now?

Maybe they need more sleep. The NHS recommends between 11 to 14 hours sleep for a 2 year old. I would say 11 hours in on the low side and for a child who is about to turn 3.

@Fallagain

Maybe they need more sleep. The NHS recommends between 11 to 14 hours sleep for a 2 year old. I would say 11 hours in on the low side and for a child who is about to turn 3.

Dc is just 2 and does also have a nap some days but even on those days they are just as grumpy. Have tried everything to get them to nap but even as a small baby they never napped well.

Do you pander to the tears every time ? If it was unnecessary tears I didn’t at this age. Time to start learning some independence.
Does your little one go to play school or nursery ? That’s when they often start to realise that the world doesn’t turn around them !

Have you tried an earlier bed time? What makes them cry, is it specific things? Toddlers tend to easily get upset at transitions. The book how to talk so little children listen is really good from the age of about 2 1/2

@GoodnightGrandma

Do you pander to the tears every time ? If it was unnecessary tears I didn’t at this age. Time to start learning some independence. Does your little one go to play school or nursery ? That’s when they often start to realise that the world doesn’t turn around them !

No honestly they have spent so much of their life crying that I learnt to tune it out at an early age and if anything I'd say sometimes I probably don't react enough when they are proper tears as I'm so used to them crying.

They do attend nursery and staff have commented that they can be just as tearful there.

@Fallagain

Have you tried an earlier bed time? What makes them cry, is it specific things? Toddlers tend to easily get upset at transitions. The book how to talk so little children listen is really good from the age of about 2 1/2

Bedtime was 6-6.30 for a long time and it's only in the past few months it's moved to 7.

I couldn't pinpoint what sets them off despite trying to look for triggers. E.g one minute happily reading a book and the next they will be crying, they can be sitting in the pram happy and smiling and then without warning bam tears and whinging or they will be drawing and all of a sudden the tears start.

Seeing as you often ‘dont react enough’ to their tears and that approach isn’t working, why not instead try to ‘over react’ to every cry for a week and see if that works? They might get whatever they need then tone it down a bit from there on? A bit like major bombing? They must be crying for a reason , it’s still a major way of communication at this age as their language isn’t fully developed, this love bombing approach may act as a reset?

why not instead try to ‘over react’ to every cry for a week and see if that works?

Over reacting tends to make the situation worse unfortunately. When the tears start if I come in and try to make everything better it often results in even more tears, stomping and that classic toddler move of lying on the floor face down thrashing their arms about.

If I ignore the noise, just give them a cuddle without talking or offer them something else to distract them the grumpiness doesn't tend to last as long.

It's a fine line though between attending to them incase they need or want something or ignoring it because I really don't want them to think that's the only way they can get my attention.

Someone once told me different ages suit different people and I think this is very true.

Being a toddler with toddler level skills may be very frustrating for a burgeoning perfectionist who will be happy as Larry once their skills match their imagination lol

Diversion may be the best strategy assuming they are not in discomfort/pain (?)

I would also recommend keeping them close and involved in what you are doing where possible.

If they don’t nap then a long walk in the pushchair/ cuddling to watch a film together at ‘nap’ time instead may reduce propensity to being generally ‘overwhelmed’.

If there is no obvious tigger I would be wondering if there was a physical pain eg teething.

@Fallagain

If there is no obvious tigger I would be wondering if there was a physical pain eg teething.

Doesn't seem to be any obvious pain and they have all their teeth. I think before this I quite often put it down to teething but maybe it's just their personality.

Someone once told me different ages suit different people and I think this is very true.

I definitely think this is accurate. Said child didn't like being a baby as they wanted to do stuff but couldn't and and now it seems like their not that fond of being a toddler. Who knows maybe they will be a content preschooler. I can but hope.

Urgh another fun filled day of listening to my delightful but grumpy crying child.

Honestly wish I knew what made them so sad. Any other suggestions?

As your child is so young and not able to articulate themselves well, then crying is one of their key ways of communicating.

You can respond to crying without pandering. What may be trivial to you, clearly isn’t to them hence the tears.

I would give a quick cuddle and try and verbalise briefly what the issue is. That helps them to learn how to express themselves. Eg “oh no, you’ve dropped x”/“you’re sad because of y” is enough. Then soon they’ll be able to say the same back to you. They have their feelings acknowledged etc.
Even if they’re crying because of something they can’t have or do. You can still say “yes, I know you’re sad because of no chocolate”. And leave it at that.

So yes I absolutely would respond more.

Said child is newly 2.

Eg “oh no, you’ve dropped x”/“you’re sad because of y” is enough. Then soon they’ll be able to say the same back to you. They have their feelings acknowledged etc.
Even if they’re crying because of something they can’t have or do.

That would be great except I have absolutely no idea most of the time why the tears begin. I'm happy to acknowledge that they are sad but the problem is nothing in particular seems to be responsible for the tears.

DS is 18 months and probably cries about 2-3 times a day, but is easily distracted.

@UtterTosh

Said child is newly 2.

Eg “oh no, you’ve dropped x”/“you’re sad because of y” is enough. Then soon they’ll be able to say the same back to you. They have their feelings acknowledged etc.
Even if they’re crying because of something they can’t have or do.

That would be great except I have absolutely no idea most of the time why the tears begin. I'm happy to acknowledge that they are sad but the problem is nothing in particular seems to be responsible for the tears.

You may not always know, but you can still say “you’re feeling sad”. And that’s a start.

I think it depends what you mean by “cry”. I’d say my 18m old moans more than cries - when he can’t articulate, or when he first wakes. Most days he might cry if he’s hurt or been told “no”, but not enough to ruin the day if that makes sense?

What do the people at the nursery think is going on? My two year old used to get frustrated at the things he couldn't do as he was a bit slow on the gross motor skills. But not crying like you describe at all. I can't offer any theories as to what is going on without seeing the child. What do friends/family think?

I really feel for you OP. I have a highly strung DC a little younger than yours. The days of all day fussing and crying can be soul destroying. I know how it feels to be bitterly disappointed at the baby experience I thought I should have.

I think though, our job as parents is to accept the child we have been given, warts and all. Some children just need a shit ton more emotional regulation from their caregivers than others. Framing this as ‘pandering’ is wrong, in my mind, especially if your child has been dysregulated since birth. Do you struggle to connect with your DC? Because I say that knowing how hard it is - when DC has been crying all day over ‘nothing’, my gut reaction is to scream and walk off, not to connect and empathise. In the long run though, this will teach heathy emotional regulation. A bit like adults, they don’t necessarily need their problems solving (often impossible with a toddler), just connection.

I’m guessing you are already aware of this, but the concept of ‘orchid’ or ‘highly sensitive’ child really helped me understand why DC is like this.

I hope things get better for you.

I am in the same boat, 21 month old spends most of his day screaming like a banshee at every slight. If things don't go exactly his way he shrieks like a velociraptor

Took til about 4 up until then DD was like an aforementioned velociraptor. Hard work but gets better. She wasnt a great sleeper we tried everything but nope up at 4,5,6am for a long time now at 5 she will kick off about 7am IM SO BORED IN MY ROOM I WANT TO GET UP not a sleeper