Are these tantrums normal?

[Somewheresomeonecan]

Just looking for a bit of advice in relation to my 18 month old. In the last month he’s started having really bad tantrums - often triggered by meals coming to an end. So this morning for example, he finished his morning bottle of milk and then started screaming, lay down on the floor and thrashing legs and arms. It tends to last about five minutes (which is a long time, or feels it when you’re going through it) and during that time he won’t let me pick him up or touch him. He’ll actually push me away if I try to do so. All I can do, is talk to him calmly although tbh I’m not sure that really helps him. Once he has calmed down he then wants a cuddle.

Is this a normal stage? (Yes this is my first child!) I guess, I’m surprised he resists me comforting him so much while he’s upset and also that finishing food (and he’s definitely not hungry) causes such an extreme reaction.

We probably have about 3 tantrums like this a day, which seems a lot.

And any tips on how best to help him calm down would be gratefully received.

If you Google "Reasons my kid is crying" you will see lots of pictures of tantrums for less reason... However, if it happens always after eating then maybe worth speaking to GP or HV? Could he have silent reflux and tummy is sore?

I don't think it's normal to have 3 full-blown tantrums a day.

What kinds of foods is he having? Is he having normal poos? Does he get a lot of wind?

He did have reflux as a baby (and need medication for it). I don’t think he has reflux now though. It does more seem like disappointment that the food has come to an end and then tantrumming because of that. He’s undoubtedly quite greedy

Ah give him more food if he wants it! Unless he's making himself poorly.

Your comment that he is 'quite greedy' rings alarm bells. He will stop feeding when he is full, so let him decide when he has had enough.
The tantrums are either because he's still hungry, or there's a physical cause such as a food intolerance that is causing him pain.

Yes, I know everyone says they can’t over eat at this age but he seems to have no off switch when it comes to food. For example, for breakfast he would eat 3 weetabix, two bananas and still be crying for more. So I clearly can’t just let him be guided by his appetite. He’s 18 months and shouldn’t be eating that much!

I promise I don’t starve him though eg for breakfast he would have a weetabix and half a banana (which is really more than a child of his age should probably be having according to NHS guidance).

For example, for breakfast he would eat 3 weetabix, two bananas and still be crying for more.

Is this every breakfast or just some breakfasts?

For the next meal will he eat at all or just play with his food?

My DD can still eat a hell of a lot for one meal then for the next two meals will refuse to eat.

Have you tried something with more protein for breakfast? Boiled egg and soldiers, eggy bread, scrambled egg, fish, or cheese on toast? Does he attempt to feed himself or do you feed him?
Could he have an allergy to wheat products? Could you check him out for this?

Yes, I tried a week where I just let him eat what he wanted to eat. So he would have that for breakfast, then eat an adult sized bowl of pasta for lunch plus fruit, then a salmon fillet, and whole jacket potato and veg for dinner. He essentially ate the same as an active adult (less my chocolate snacks).

The suggestion of a wheat intolerance is a good one. I could cut down on wheat. As when I am being lazy, I have a tendency to feed him high wheat based meals.

Based on reactions, I assume these tantrums don’t sound entirely normal then? (Which is what I thought)

Oh - and he feeds himself

I think tantrums are normal at that age yes. Or they were for my DD anyway. She’s just over two now and they have gradually becomes shorter/less explosive now that she can communicate a bit better.
I follow a good account on Instagram called big little feelings which is helpful for tips on how to deal with it in the moment.

General tantrums about all different random things are normal, always tantrumming specifically at the end of meals sounds like it needs more investigation.

In your situation I would let him eat all he wants and offer more protein so he will feel full.

They go through phases of eating loads during a growth spurt then turning into sparrows suddenly. They don't have the same steady appetite all the time.

If he gets any stomach symptoms then go to GP in case of an intolerance. Or if he still tantrums after finishing the meal despite not wanting to eat any more, or eating so much he makes himself sick.

He is probably going through a growth spurt and is just still hungry and upset that there's no more food.

Is he overweight?

Because restricting foot intake is something you should really only do with a doctor's advice.

I would offer a lot of veg side dishes or other plain healthy food with every meal to allow him to eat as he wishes.

When my LO had reflux he used to overeat becuase whilst he was eating the pain was less. Maybe even if your LO doesn't have reflux anymore he is still associating finishing food with pain and discomfort?