Talk to parent or school?

[appplesanddpearrs]

How would you feel if your friend went into school and spoke to the teacher about some minor
squabbles that both our kids had been part of?

I found out that my friend has spoken to the teacher about my child over some minor things but didn't mention it to me at all. It's not like I'm a parent she doesn't know. We've been friends for a few years years, many days out with the kids, socialise etc together. Genuine friends not just a fellow school mum I chat to.

The teacher hasn't contacted me so was obviously satisfied it was nothing major (my child wanted to play with other kids and didn't want to do what my friends child wanted to do is the jist of what I was told).

My friend told me that my child was being mean and said she'd been to speak to the teacher about it

I guess if it was me I would mention to my friend that there seems to be something odd going on, get the kids to talk it out then move on?! I wouldn't involve the teacher with something minor and I certainly wouldn't keep it a secret. Though I understand keeping the teacher in the loop so they can keep an eye on the situation if necessary.

Kids will be kids and sometimes they can be awkward and difficult or just fancy a change. I don't think my kids are angelic, they all have their moments, and I would be more than happy to talk about anything that might be causing upset within the friendship group. I'm quite a timid person by nature and hate confrontation, so she knows I wouldn't blow up at the suggestion something had happened with my child. My friend will also know that I don't tolerate unkindness so if it became clear my daughter had been unkind I would deal with it appropriately.

I guess it's just taken me by surprise that she didn't mention it to me until days later and announced she'd been in to see the teacher about my child 'being mean' ?!

I'm not sure what I'd do in that situation if I'm honest.

I would be keeping my distance from the friend. Ridiculous to speak to school about minor playtime squabbles and then label your child "mean". Is this a PFB type mum?

Children squabble and fall out. As a parent I would only approach school if my child was upset and I'd leave school to sort it out.

No I wouldn't of went to the teacher in this case tbh.
Brush it off, keep your distance op.

Kids squabble everyday, kids do what others don't want to when on break etc if she's going to complain everytime throughout her school years it's ridiculous.

Basically, her daughters went home upset as not got her own way of your DC so she's turned it round and said she was mean.
This is going to happen a lot.

Ignore

@RatherBeRiding

I would be keeping my distance from the friend. Ridiculous to speak to school about minor playtime squabbles and then label your child "mean". Is this a PFB type mum?

Children squabble and fall out. As a parent I would only approach school if my child was upset and I'd leave school to sort it out.

She has two children so not PFB but she does tend to make a bigger fuss than others over minor upsets.

I just feel disappointed that she bypassed me and went into school over something so small, and I don't think my child did anything wrong although I acknowledge it's upsetting if children don't want to play the same games. So saying she was being mean isn't very fair.

If I didn't know the parents and my child was upset about something I would mention it to school. In a situation where I am friends with a parent I would definitely try and encourage the kids to resolve it between us, without getting too involved, just mediate.

Surely teachers are busy enough without parents bending their ear about kids having minor disagreements or playing with other children.

It just shocked me I think, that as far as I knew the kids were fine then she suddenly blurts out that my child is being mean and she's been into school about her!

Thank you it's reassuring to know I'm not being over sensitive