Staying in an abusive marriage for my baby

[lollypop29]

Hi everyone

Please help me make sense of this. I am tired of life, and completely at rock bottom.

I am in an abusive marriage and I can't leave because Im scared of loosing my child. I don't mean loosing custody of her, I mean I know I won't be able to cope with her being at her fathers house for nights.

He wants her 50/50 she isn't even two and he's been arrested in the past for being drunk in charge of her (I didn't know he was drinking) which came under neglect of a child under 7 , although he was not charged at court.

I am scared it will happen again if he has her overnight. He is mindlessly irresponsible, he drinks too much and I'm scared for my daughter. We will be living hours apart and how do I know when he drives to collect her he won't be over the legal limit to drive?

We are still married and even if he takes her out for the day and I send a text to ask how they are getting on I get told off by him and he says it "pisses him off" that I ask. So imagine what he'll be like if we divorce.

It's not that I don't want him to have contact with her, of course I do...but he needs to show me he's responsible and capable of keeping her safe.

He's already threatened me with 'top lawyers' and threatened that if I don't let him see her as much as he wants he'll cut the amount of child maintenance he'll give me (because he's self employed he says he'll dodge the system)

I feel completely stuck. I can't eat I can't sleep and I can't bare to think what the future holds.

Surely it's not okay for women to be scared to leave their marriage for the safety of their children?

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

I was in a difficult marriage and left with kids. The threats of going for 50/50 etc fizzled out when the reality of looking after the children without ne kicked in. Now he rarely sees them. I don't think this is uncommon.

Could you find a way to go and see a solicitor and ask them your legal position so you know what to expect before you make a move? I did this and fore warned was fore armed.

Sending you alot of solidarity and I can hear your fear and weariness in your words.

@Blackopal I've spoken to a solicitor already and she said to me as long as the court believe he's sorry for what he did he could very well end up with her 50/50 😞 It breaks me. I can't let that happen. I will never forgive myself if something were to happen to her in his care.

I asked him to put her to bed for me afew weeks ago as I was poorly and needed to go to bed - I was asleep and trusted he would put her to bed. 11pm comes around and I can hear her playing with all her toys so I go and have a look and he's fast asleep and she's just wandering the house alone! I was furious!!

Can you start a diary (that he must not find) documenting instances like the one where he slept while a two year old wondered around? Might give a little more background info for courts if it comes to it?