If your baby woke every sleep cycle (~90 mins)...

[BerthaYoung]

...did it just get better? When?! Or did you do something?

DD is nearly 11 months and apart from the first part of the night (7:30-10:30pm or so, except on bad nights) it’s been like this (bar the occasional 3 or 4 hour stretch) since she was 3 months old. I’m getting by, but only just, and am getting worried as I’m back to work next month. DH does loads, all bedtimes and lately some naptimes (while WFH) as I can’t get her in the cot without waking her. She was originally fed to sleep, then for a while we were able to put her in the cot awake and sing or pat, but now we’re rocking her. I’ve read (extensively) about how these associations can become a problem. We’re up for working on independent sleep but have little hope as it didn’t make a difference before... and I’m so tired I’m not confident I can properly commit. Help!

I fear you won't like what I have to say.

Ds was exactly the same. 90 min to 2hiur sleep cycles with waking till he was about 18months. But then it's like a switch was flicked and one night he slept 7hours straight. I woke up thinking you are filling me with a false sense of security but no that's how it stayed.

Even now age 7 he won't sleep more then 8/9 hours in a night but he's fine on this. No problems with school or waking in the morning, lots of energy for activities.

Some kids are just not sleepers. But hang on on there the long stretches are possibly round the corner 💐

Sleep Training might be the answer here. Pick up put down may be something to consider. Worked really well for my son

If you dropped off to sleep in one environment and then became conscious that you were no longer in that environment (being in your case the warm arms of your parent), you might wake up and struggle to sleep.

This might not be popular here, but assuming that there is no physical reason why baby is uncomfortable (digestion, allergies, teeth etc), if you want a longer stretch you probably have to either cosleep (then the environment stays the same for baby) or sleep train (so she learns to sleep alone and in an environment that is safe for her). Neither are the wrong answer, just which you prefer to do for your family.

Sleep training may involve some crying/moaning, but doesn't have to be brutal - you don't let them sob for hours, but you generally give them a chance to soothe themselves whilst periodically reassuring them that you are there if needed. Does your daughter have a comforter or other item that might assist in developing good sleep patterns?

It was reflux with ours but you might be different

Mine did it was cmpa once that was sorted he slept better

Does she have any comforters? My son has a stuffed rabbit. He does wake in the night, but finds his rabbit and puts himself to sleep again. He also has a dummy for sleep which is think is key for us.

CMPA and reflux was the issue for us as well to begin with but then it became a habit. Outgrew it at around two and a half years.

I'm I'm a similar boat. 14 months. Back at work and a walking zombie!

You should try sleep training. It will teach her to fall asleep on her own, and then connect the sleep cycles. As you haven't mentioned it, I wonder if you don't want to do it? Give it a go, if you're worried it will stress you out, you already sound stressed, and I'm sure your little one will appreciate it in some way too

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. I especially appreciate the solidarity from those in it or through it!

Totally get the need for conditions/environment to be stable from bedtime right through the night. When I do bring her in with me (most nights in the last couple of weeks) she puts herself to sleep, which is encouraging I suppose, but still wakes crying - though at least it’s usually 3 hours.

Re sleep training, we did work on supporting independent sleep previously, which is how we got to the point we could put her in the cot awake and do just a little singing or humming or quick back rub. It all went out the window when she got a cold though. I think we’ll probably have to do this again. But - it didn’t seem to help with night wakings?!

Interesting how many are saying CMPA/reflux. She doesn’t have any other symptoms. But it would be something of a relief to have a fixable explanation! (Not diminishing the struggle of these conditions at all.)

Re comforters, I did wonder about this but was nervous given guidance to have a completely clear cot till 1. So people just use one anyway?

She doesn’t have a dummy and I think it’s a bit late now? Maybe we should have pushed this more, earlier. It looked from a very early age like she was going to a thumb sucker but it actually never took off. More’s the pity!

I use a comforter - not sure what everyone else does! Tbh if she doesnt have one now id be reluctant to introduce one.

My 15mo has just started treating me to longer stretches in the last week (so it may not last) but she definitely has a dairy allergy/ intolerance and I suspect there’s something else we haven’t identified yet. She also had quite bad reflux when she was younger and used bf to ease the pain.

Cosleeping was what worked for us! Had 2 who would go through every sleep regression going. I tried to ‘fix’ sleep with the first, no sleep training but white noise, dummy, soft toys etc nothing really worked but we had a set up where we could be in with him for the bad nights (which were common) on a double mattress on the floor. He cracked sleeping through at about 14 months-totally a developmental thing. I had DS2 in my bed until he was a year old-I didn’t even bother trying to fight it with him and he got better at about 15 months. Both now share a room and put in a good 10-12 hours. Sleep is developmental in my experience and it will come in time but I know those nights seem long when you’re living it (I went back to work at 6months with both of them)

DD was like this until we I found Care It Out. (Care, not cry.) It's really gentle , so slower than other methods, but it worked wonders. I think it took about 3/4 weeks.