AIBU to think this is quite rude?!

[User7980096]

So DS had his 5th birthday party recently and I invited all of his reception class mates as I don’t know any of the children/parents etc. Anyways, the majority said they come which I was delighted about as I thought it would be a great opportunity to get to know the mums and my DS to make friends. There is a group of mums (about 6) in the playground who are very much stuck together - they all sort of know eachother know various places from over the years etc. And I hoped the party would give me a chance to get to know them as every drop off and pick up I am stood there like a lemon whilst they are chatting and laughing away in their little group. About a day before the party I overheard one of the mums mention it and say how it will be great for their DC to play outside of school and joked about living the dream now they don’t need them to go around a Playgym so they could just enjoy themselves. I know I am probably being very sensitive but it felt like there were referring to my DS party as a “meet up” and I don’t know why but it got to me a bit - plus I was stood right next to them when it was said!!

Day of the party, they all came and were very polite and nice etc - they didn’t make much effort to chat to me apart from hello, thank you and goodbye but it was pretty chaotic so I didn’t give it much thought.

The next day at school I hoped it would be different in the playground with maybe a hello and a smile - but I got nothing. One of the nicer mums walked past me and gave me a quick glance and smile but then proceeded to the “mum circle”

AIBU to think this is a bit rude?! Or is this what school mums are really like?!

Unfortunately some Mums can be like this. DC1 has a year without a clique and as soon as DC2 got to school I realised how lucky we'd been the first time.

There are maybe 30 children in the class? I'd try saying hello to one of the other 23 or invite them around for coffee after school so that the DC can play and you can have a chat

I honestly didn’t think it would be so clique in the playground - kids yes, but not the mums! Obviously I was very naive!! 🙈 The other parents I see are ones with older children in the school so they are usually rushing about and then it’s a few dads and then grandparents. I don’t know why it gets to me so much, it’s just ridiculous but I know these mums are just like me with the one child in school and having all these conversations I want to have but it’s obviously just not going to happen. They are clearly happy with their group and that’s that. Ahhh dear and I thought I’d left all this behind when I was at school!! 😂

Im afraid this is school gate life. If there is 6 of them, why can’t you talk to other parents?

I absolutely make the effort for chit chat with other people in the playground but like above comment mentions they don’t seem to be in the same position so it’s very much the standard “morning” etc. It’s just abit deflating when I hear them talking about “school mum night outs” etc

I'd give up and stop trying.

They aren't going to budge up to let you in. They would have done it by now.

What about rest or parents?

Some people can be like this. Happy with the friends they’ve got and completely disinterested in making new ones.

It would probably be better to try and find other parents to chat to.

If you join the pta you might be able to meet parents of kids in other years that you might be able to make friends with. Have just moved (with 2 in primary, but a bit older), and know its hard to make new "parent" friends. Is there a class fb or what's app group? If so maybe ask on there if anyone fancies a coffee. Those with older kids may still be up for a coffee or drink.

It's what they're like.
Exactly why I don't do the playground chit chat thing or parties. I've seen some groups be really mean cutting other mums out too, reminds me of highschool.

Yes in my experience most primary schools have a clique of Mums on the playground- usually headed by the one who is on the PTA getting all the gossip about whats going on in the school (or so they think). I would pay more attention to the other parents on the school run who aren't in the clique and see if you can get chatting to one of them.

I can't be doing with this they were like this when dd1 started school too. I was disappointed then but I'm over it now. I thought it would be like the toddler groups. It isn't.

@User7980096

So DS had his 5th birthday party recently and I invited all of his reception class mates as I don’t know any of the children/parents etc. Anyways, the majority said they come which I was delighted about as I thought it would be a great opportunity to get to know the mums and my DS to make friends. There is a group of mums (about 6) in the playground who are very much stuck together - they all sort of know eachother know various places from over the years etc. And I hoped the party would give me a chance to get to know them as every drop off and pick up I am stood there like a lemon whilst they are chatting and laughing away in their little group. About a day before the party I overheard one of the mums mention it and say how it will be great for their DC to play outside of school and joked about living the dream now they don’t need them to go around a Playgym so they could just enjoy themselves. I know I am probably being very sensitive but it felt like there were referring to my DS party as a “meet up” and I don’t know why but it got to me a bit - plus I was stood right next to them when it was said!!

Day of the party, they all came and were very polite and nice etc - they didn’t make much effort to chat to me apart from hello, thank you and goodbye but it was pretty chaotic so I didn’t give it much thought.

The next day at school I hoped it would be different in the playground with maybe a hello and a smile - but I got nothing. One of the nicer mums walked past me and gave me a quick glance and smile but then proceeded to the “mum circle”

AIBU to think this is a bit rude?! Or is this what school mums are really like?!

Im struggling to what you think is rude

You assumed they were talking about you ?
If it was your ds party, they said it would be nice!
They said hello and all the other polite greetings at the party and one of them smiled the next day.
I think your expectations are really high tbh.
In the mornings I just run and drop because Im off to work.
Not being rude I just dont have time.

I’m a primary teacher and cliques do seem to be a thing I’m afraid, and these do often play out in younger children - though I’ve noticed that they’ve lessened over the decade or so I’ve been teaching as more and more parents work. Now there are grandparents everywhere at pick up and they are generally lovely to everyone!

I’ll luckily/unluckily never be part of the parent circle as both DP and I work full time, so let’s hope that doesn’t impact on our daughters’ friendships. It honestly won’t matter in a few years though, so don’t stress too much. Kids choose their own friends pretty quickly, usually where the parents are polar opposites 😂

I think it’s kinda normal.

There’s a clique in our class group but they are the nursery parents. The kids were are nursery for a year prior to this so the parents have got to know each other. Fair enough & they did open up their WhatsApp group to all of us 😄

I find the playground so awkward 🙈 I’m quite shy & not very good at small talk. I worry I come across as rude but I’m really not! I feel really unconfident to go up to talk to people 😩

I can see why you feel a bit left out but honestly, it's not you and there's nothing you can do.

This group of six have probably known each other a while, and are happy in this group. Some people are more inclusive/welcoming than others, and if they are happy with their group then there's nothing you can do. Say hi, and be polite when needed, but it's honestly not personal.

I speak from experience as I found the exact same when my DC started nursery, there was a group of parents who were all friends and all their DC were friends. I quickly realised they weren't interested in anyone new joining their group, and you know what, that's fine. That doesn't make them rude, they were never unkind to me.

Annoyingly the majority are now in the same class as my DC in school so the parent and child cliques have continued, but to be honest it now doesn't matter as there are 30 children in the class. I just chat to other people and have let friendships form naturally. That's my advice on how you should handle it

It’s a bit rude and cliquey but unfortunately some people never mentally grow out of the playground even if they become parents themselves. Let it go, these are not people that you want to be friends with anyway.

I'm sorry but the phrase "school mum nights out" just strikes me as very funny. Do they go out clubbing in a pack?

Let it go, these are not people that you want to be friends with anyway.
Agree with what @LaBellina says
Even if you finally break into their circle, you'll realise that they're shallow or boring and wish you hadn't bothered. IME cliquey ppl are cliquey because they don't have the skills to make new friends, so they just cling onto the friends they have. They won't be having fun or interesting conversations, don't worry.