Have you breastfed two at the same time

[Blogme]

Looking for advice on breastfeeding two siblings of different ages (rather than twins, although if you've breastfed twins then I take my hat off to you!).

I'm still breastfeeding 17-month old DS and was recently thinking I may carry on until he's 2 next April (not thought much beyond that, other than getting through winter).

Baby no#2 is due pretty much on his 2nd birthday and I'm in two minds about whether to try and breastfeed both, or wean DS before then (unless he self-weans during this pregnancy).

Have any of you had experience of this? Does feeding two mess up your milk supply? Was it logistically too complicated and exhausting? Did you tell your first child that the new baby needed the milk and they couldn't have any more (read this once on MN) - did this create jealousy issues?

Any thoughts, tips etc greatly appreciated! TIA.

Hi OP,
I’ve done this twice and it’s probably more common than you think! I found that my older child naturally reduced the amount she fed while I was pregnant as my milk first reduced and then transitioned to colostrum. They did want a bit more once baby was here but it was manageable!

It was a nice way to keep that connection once the new baby was born and it was of great comfort to the older sibling.

You do need to prioritise the new baby a bit though, obviously. I sometimes limited the time the older sibling fed - like counting to 10 - and generally let the new baby feed first (offering both sides). Our bodies are amazing though and your supply will adapt as long as you feed responsively and offer the breast regularly. Another advantage is that your milk reacts to the saliva of your nurselings, producing tailored antibodies, which means when the toddler brings a stinking cold home, your milk will already have tailored antibodies to feed to your newborn. Obviously they can and do still get colds etc but it does help!

There is a great Facebook group called Tandem Nursing and you will also find lots of tandem feeders in the group Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond.

These articles are worth a read: www.laleche.org.uk/tandem-nursing/

kellymom.com/ages/tandem/official-tandem-bf-faq/

This book is also good: www.google.co.uk/search?q=Adventures+in+Tandem+Nursing:+Breastfeeding+During+Pregnancy+and+Beyond+book+buy&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAONgVuLRT9c3NErKTTExKDJ6xGjOLfDyxz1hKb1Ja05eY9Tg4grOyC93zSvJLKkUkuJig7IEpPi4UDTy7GJid8rPz3ZPLVnEGuCYUpaaV1JalFqskJmnEJKYl5Kaq-BXWlScmZdupeBUlJpYXJKWmpoC5Cq4lBaBqICi1PS8xLzkSgWgagWn1Mp8IJUENFEhqbQSAKKXWJqnAAAA&ictx=1&ved=2ahUKEwiv-LnYzrXzAhXREcAKHSvpDM8QyNoBKAF6BAgCEAk

@allFlatStanletta,

Amazing, thanks for all the links! I hadn't realised how common it was as none of my friends did tandem feeding as far as I'm aware. It's encouraging to see all these resources. How often were you feeding your oldest when you had your second? At the moment my DS has a biggish morning feed (10 minutes or so) and then little snack comfort feeds throughout the day on demand. He asks for it more when he's bored of overwhelmed and can be a bit of a boob tyrant so i can't envisage feeding two at the moment with him. When he was born he was stuck to me constantly too.
Thanks again, I'll have a proper read of all this info.

God, I'm massively pro-breastfeeding, fed my DC for quite some time, but I can't see how this is workable or fair to the new baby.

The milk produced is dictated by the needs of the baby - therefore it's suitable for the baby not the toddler. It's also such an incursion on the newborn's time breastfeeding.

My only experience was a close friend who tried this. Her older DC (2) stopped immediately when the baby was born, the milk possibly tasted differently. She was a little upset (the child) because when the baby was feeding she'd walk over, lift her mum's top & try to feed. It was awkward as hell for my friend to manage & the toddler got upset - she didn't like the taste of the milk & clearly felt pushed out of something she thought was hers & mum's.

I honestly think it's daft.

@EarringsandLipstick
Not heard breastfeeding described as daft before but it's always good to have a different perspective, so thank you for sharing :)

I did as my young two have a 2 year age gap. It wasn’t difficult because at that point ds was basically just comfort feeding so it was just a feed at night time.

I think it would be difficult if the toddler was still feeding regularly throughout the day though just for time/supply reasons.

Ive tandem fed twins - one much bigger than the other and it is hard - logistically and I felt like a prize milking cow to be honest and couldn't do much else apart from sit there and feed

BF a new baby is a lovely time to share with each other and to be honest still feeding an older child would get in the way of that for me. Older siblings tend to get rather possessive/jealous

I tandem fed my two for a year, DD was 2.5 when her brother was born.

Had no issues at all, used to have one on either side - I was producing a lot of milk, so having DD feeding as well helped with engorgement, and DS shot up from the 25th to the 75th percentile by his six week check, so was obviously getting plenty too.

It worked really well for us - DD didn't get jealous or upset by my feeding the baby because she could join in, and in fact used to hold his little hand while they fed!

I stopped feeding DD when she got to 3.5 because I was a bit touched out, but carried on feeding DS till he self-weaned at around the same age.

I considered tandem feeding, felt quite conflicted about it. DC2 due when DC1 was 2yr9mo. But as it happened, DC1 self weaned when I was about 4/5mo pregnant due to the milk changes. I wondered if she would show renewed interest by time baby came and to my surprise by then she had forgotten she’d ever done it!!

I’ve only ever met two tandem feeding mums, one who raved about it, and one who looked haunted. I remember the baby was a few months and her toddler had been up all night feeding, and she was feeling guilty about setting any limits on the toddler because she felt her was jealous of the baby. I think this kind of thing could be a danger so I imagine pps advice about needing to prioritise baby is helpful. I felt that woman was putting enormous pressure on herself that sounded overwhelming and possible negated the benefits of feeding both. But if you can make it work in a way that feels doable for you, I can imagine it would be totally beautiful and a lovely bonding thing for them both.

@EarringsandLipstick to be fair, I see why OP found your comment unhelpful. You’ve confirmed you don’t have any experience of tandem nursing but you’ve still shared your opinion that it’s a ‘daft’ idea.

If you don’t have any direct and relevant experience, I don’t think it’s your place to tell OP she’s daft for considering it. Your comment would have put my back up too.

You’ve confirmed you don’t have any experience of tandem nursing but you’ve still shared your opinion that it’s a ‘daft’ idea.

I don't have personal experience of tandem breastfeeding myself. I have plenty experience of breastfeeding as explained, and she stated I called breastfeeding daft, not tandem feeding. Hence my annoyance.

I have observed someone else attempt tandem feeding and relayed that.

I explained why I felt it might be problematic as others have, raising valid points, I feel.

OP may disagree but to misrepresent what I said & be snippy is unfair.

Your comment would have put my back up too.

She didn't reply to my comments, she replied to what I hadn't said.

I think @EarringsandLipstick makes some good points about the milk coming in being needed by the new baby. I would also think it sensible to wean before then so its not seen as baby taking the milk away. She definitely didn't say breastfeeding was daft, I think it's a little unfair to take her words in a way they weren't meant. I think it was meant kindly in a way to suggest it would make life easier for everyone not to do both.

I did this too, partly as I had a really bad time getting started with dc1 (like hospital bad) and I was worried about the same happening again. Dc1 loved bf too she is still a snuggly child.

Milk changed, nappies change too for dc1, poo gets yellow and sloppier, so potty training is good! (Slightly smaller age gap for mine - 17 months).

I had some amusing moments with it, especially when they both fed together and the big one triggered a let down that basically drowned the little one and sprayed all over her face once or twice!!!

They ended up weaning together. Dc2 was always less of a milk fan, and I wasn't going to let dc1 carry on with her great big teeth if dc2 wasn't having any of it. They were 1 and 2.5 by then.

There is enough milk for everyone, so don't worry about one needing the milk more. The milk will be tailored for the little one too

I've tandem fed. It didn't affect the routine because the older child was already out of the routine because the age gap meant they were mostly already not doing it regularly and I had to stop breastfeeding due to pain by the third trimester in my pregnancies, second trimester in my last pregnancy.

It was the general wisdom of "don't offer, don't refuse". Most often it happened while the baby was feeding so it was more comfort during the transition and just being easy about it. My oldest did it the most, it was probably a bigger transition to him going from only to big brother whereas I don't recall my 3rd (who stopped in the 2nd trimester) asking at all, if she did it was only a few times. With my oldest, it was about 4-5 months of occasional feeds.

@xksismybestletter

There is enough milk for everyone, so don't worry about one needing the milk more. The milk will be tailored for the little one too

Yes, I imagine tandem feeding was probably more common in the days and cultures when women had more babies closer together. And presumably a lot of wet nurses fed both newborns and older babies.

Not tandem fed myself but im pretty sure (as womens bodies are phenomenal) your breasts will make milk tailored for both babies. Natural weaning age is 2-7 and in countries where bf is commonplace I'd hazard a guess and say many women feed two different aged children at the same time. You won't run out of milk for the little one, your body makes milk based on their demands. As others have said your eldest may wean naturally due to change in milk throughout pregnancy, Ive heard of this happening often.

I did this when dc3 was born. His older sister was 2.5 yrs at the time and bfing only twice a day, at lunchtime nap and at night, for maybe 5-10 mins at a time.
I made sure that the new baby was always fed first and was full when I offered milk to the older one. My body seemed to adapt fine and the quantity stayed up but the consistency changed a bit in the first week.

I basically made the choice to bf both so as not to add additional stress to me or dc2 by stopping close to dc3's birth, and because it was a really speedy way to get dc2 to sleep. It worked fine and dc2 soon cut down to one small feed at bedtime, which was very manageable.

Re the new baby needing the milk that's coming in: it's regular bf that "brings the milk in" so tandem feeding actually helps with this and you'll probably find you have an oversupply of milk (which the older child can help with).

I tandem fed ds1&2 as they were only 16m apart. It was fine initially but after about 3m I developed nursing aversion towards ds1 and had to wean him. If you do decide to do it be prepared for dc1 to revert to bf very regularly as they get used to the baby.

I think it would have helped me if I had night weaned ds1 when I was pregnant so maybe consider that if you haven't already. Also make sure you let baby feed first (or clean your nipples before they feed) as the baby can catch oral thrush from your older child who may not have symptoms due to immunity which builds up gradually as we grow up.

I weaned ds2 while I was pregnant with DS3 because I didn't want him to experience stopping bf due to nursing aversion (I felt terrible about it with ds1). BUT lots of people tandem feed with nursing aversion.

Good luck whatever you choose

I fully intended to do this, but when I was around 4 months pregnant, breastfeeding the toddler (then just under 2) became unbearably painful so I had to stop. I think it was a hormonal thing, and I remember reading about it happening to others. Just FYI in case it happens to you too.

Good luck with it

I tandem fed #4 and #5 for about 2 years.

@EarringsandLipstick

You’ve confirmed you don’t have any experience of tandem nursing but you’ve still shared your opinion that it’s a ‘daft’ idea.

I don't have personal experience of tandem breastfeeding myself. I have plenty experience of breastfeeding as explained, and she stated I called breastfeeding daft, not tandem feeding. Hence my annoyance.

I have observed someone else attempt tandem feeding and relayed that.

I explained why I felt it might be problematic as others have, raising valid points, I feel.

OP may disagree but to misrepresent what I said & be snippy is unfair.

Your comment would have put my back up too.

She didn't reply to my comments, she replied to what I hadn't said.

Right, but experience of breastfeeding isn’t experience of tandem nursing, which is the specific thing OP was seeking advice on. She is also experienced with breastfeeding, she has been doing it for 17 months.

I don’t see how you can call tandem nursing daft when it’s not something you’ve done and you don’t know what it’s like?

Anyway, OP has now had lots of helpful advice from people who do have experience of it and have shared the good and the bad, so hopefully that had been of assistance to her.

I too tandem nursed, 2y4m age gap, my son gained 3 ounces in 3 days and never lost any weight. There was no waiting for milk to come in.

You do get lazy re latch so have to make sure you get a good latch with the newborn or end up with sore nipples.

My daughter only fed 3 times a day, I only ever fed them together a few times as I was keen on the sensation. My son didn’t cluster feed as much and was definitely full much quicker(going on weight gain he had more milk). Also if you get over full the toddler will be happy to help out rather than expressing.

Good luck

Congrats OP. This was my experience. I bf DS1, when he was a year he was reluctant to bf, I found out shortly after I was pregnant with DS2, milk has changed and he did not want to feed. Midwife said as DS1 was 21mths when DS2 arrived he may show interest in bf when he saw me feeding his brother. He never did. Good luck.

Tandem fed for two months. Hard to describe the feeling of being 'all touched out' - I just found it too much. Fed them independently. After a while, I had to say enough was enough for the oldest. I breastfed DC1 to 2 and a half, DC2 to 20 months then milk dried up when pregnant, tandem fed when DC3 was born for two months - then because I was suffering from nursing aversion, just fed DC3 instead - until they were three.
So have done my time!
DC2 was a little jealous but was also old enough to understand Mummy being tired, moo cow milk being an option etc etc and at the tie, doted on her brother so all was well.

Hydrate, oatmeal, fenugreek, Stilltee ...all helped. But your body will tell you whether it's for you or not. Good luck