Leaving my baby to go away with the girls?! Help

[ftm20211]

So i have not long had my 1st baby and it's my best friend's wedding next year, I'm chief bridesmaid. The girls are helping me plan it and they've decided to go away (it takes 5+ hours to get there) for the Thursday, Friday and Saturday night, home on the Sunday.

I'm so nervous to leave my baby for that long. I'm breastfeeding and hoping to still be breastfeeding in 9 months time.
What if she is one of those babies who don't like being away for their mum?

What do I do? I feel like I'm being a rubbish friend. Everyone wants to go away and don't mind leaving their children who are slightly older and not breastfeeding. Is it wrong if I go up later and not spend the whole time there? What other options do I have without letting my best friend down and considering I am chief bridesmaid. Thanks 💗

I’d go Friday evening and home Sunday morning.
Is the baby going to the wedding too? That would make life a lot easier.

I personally wouldn’t want to go for 4 days. I wouldn’t have been able to leave DD1 at all over night.

I wouldn't leave my older kids that long, especially not a baby. If you're chief BM then who is pushing for this plan? I think they either need to be more mindful of your situation and pick something shorter/closer to home, or you go for one night only.

I definitely couldn't have left my dd for even one night at that age, 4 is too many I think! If you're really desperate to go then you can work up to it but if you're still feeding it will be a real faff with pumping etc.

I would just talk to your friend about it. Can you just do a couple of nights but have dh & baby nearby so you can just go over during the daytimes?

Absolutely no way from me, I am still BF at 2 and wouldn’t leave mine for more than 1 night now, and I’d be reluctant to do that for anything social.
I think hen do’s are the height of naff though so I’d be relieved to have a reason to decline it.
Why have you agreed to something so long if you are the decision maker? Make it one night and local.

No I wouldn’t have gone at that point either OP.
I’d still struggle with more than a couple of days and mine are toddlers.

Saying that I wouldn’t judge anyone who did - it’s just not for me.

If you’re not comfortable then I’d literally just present it as fact and not up for debate - so instead of “oh girls I’m worried about being away for x days”
You say - “due to work and family I’m only able to attend Friday to Sunday …. But I’ll make sure everything is sorted for the other days”

In my experience (which is one person so may be completely useless!) that would have been completely impossible. DS was BF, never took a bottle, only want me feeding him overnight until about 18 months. Would scream down the house if left with DH (which was only usually the 10pm feed if I dared attempt a social life).

As I say, I'm only one person, but just wanted you to know that leaving your baby at all might be too optimistic.

My little girl is 9 months and I wouldn’t leave her for more than one night. I really wouldn’t want to be away from her.

It also would be a logistical nightmare with breastfeeding.

DD is 19 months and I wouldn’t leave her for more than one night now. It wouldn’t feel fair on her at all. That’s not to say that you couldn’t do it if you want to, but that your worries are really normal for a mum even with an older baby/toddler.

What would feel okay for you? Your friend should understand your circumstances and be supportive of you as a new mum. If she’s not, then she’s not a very good friend!

You shouldn't feel under pressure to leave your baby at all if it's not right for you both.

I had a situation like this after having my third baby. That was two nights and more than enough, I was also a bridesmaid and had to organise it. Whilst it was lovely to spend time with my friends, I was shattered from months (years!) of broken nights, couldn't really drink much as I was still doing morning and evening feeds, and had become a lightweight too! I was the first in our group to have DC and I don't think anyone really understood. Definitely felt that a few of the hen's friends I didn't know must have thought I was a bit boring but I was just knackered as my youngest was a dreadful sleeper.

Fast forward a few years when they had DC, they were all declining hen do invitations, or just going for one night. I wish I had stood up for myself a bit more and just done the one night, it's hard when you feel like a party pooper and all you want is a full night's sleep! No luxury of going home to sleep it off afterwards like the others.

I think you need to have a private chat with the bride and find out where her head is at. She's the important one, not the other girls who - though I'm sure are lovely - are obviously at a different place to you and are keen to make a bit of a holiday out of it. I don't blame them for that, given the time we've all had recently - it's just that they want to do something that you don't want to do. But they're not the ones who you 'answer to' (wrong expression, but you know what I mean) - that's the bride.

I think it's unfair to go if you are still expecting to be breastfeeding,
If you want to go then start to wean her now so she is not in the middle of the night wanting you to feed her and you not be there, then start with a little time away at a bit to get her used to it.

I personally wouldn't leave her for that long, I wouldn't like to leave him for a night, although my son is 4 and I still haven't left him for a night, there has been no need yet.

Yeah it depends

My 7 month old will absolutely not take a bottle! So I can’t leave her

I’m going out this weekend and I’m gonna feed her, put her to bed and run out the door and hope for the best haha

My husband will have to cope - but I feel so nervous about it

Maybe don’t make a decision josh yet and see how it all goes with your baby - jts so hard to tell !!

I was hoping to get a few nights away with my husband at Christmas and leave baby with my mum - but it’s feeling like that’s not gonna be possible now we things aren’t improving with her sleep and she still won’t have a bottle

What do you want to do op? That’s what you should do. You can organise it and still just join for part of it. If you want to go for all of it, in 9 months time your baby may be on bottles with expressed milk? No right or wrongs here, just what you feel ok with. I could leave dh with my children at that age, and would encourage this regardless of whether you go or not, as you need to be able to have some time for you

If you are confident that your DD will be well looked after, go and have a fabulous time.

I think it all depends on if you are still breast feeding and if you have a partner that can look after dc. I left both dc when under 1 for a few nights away but dh was fully involved and perfectly capable of being left alone with them. I had absolutely no worries about leaving them with DH he was just as hands on as I was and he really enjoyed it. If you can leave making the decision a bit then I would.