12 week old startles so much at night - advice please!

[MintGreenLife]

My 12 week old DS startles so much in the night and is constantly waking himself up. As a result DH and I have to do sleep shifts, where one of us holds him while the other one sleeps, as once he’s woken himself up he’s very noisy and will eventually start crying. It happens every single time we put him down. We were using a love to dream arms up swaddle, and he still wasn’t a great sleeper, but we would maybe get a couple of hours sleep next to him. He’s now in an arms out sleep bag, as it was my understanding they shouldn’t be in a swaddle type sleep bag past two months because of the risk of rolling, but he will start throwing his arms around near enough as soon as you put him down. He will do it 2-3 times before it properly wakes him up. I think part of the issue is that in his next 2 me type crib there’s no way of positioning him so his arms don’t hit the sides. Last night I got him to lie down for an hour in his crib by pinning one arm to his side, but that was really uncomfortable for me and of course can’t sleep like that as need to keep some slight pressure on to keep his arm still.

Does anyone have any advice/tips? He could have one arm in his sleep bag, but I’m not sure if that’s safe 😕

Is he rolling/showing signs of rolling?

If not I would go back to the swaddle.
My first was swaddled until 5 months and then suddenly one day didn't need it anymore.
My second was swaddled until ten weeks and then she was fine in a sleeping bag but some do take longer in my experience

If he’s not showing any signs of rolling I’d keep swaddling him. My DD was swaddled until 5.5 months (late roller) and by that point her startle reflex was practically gone.

Can you move him into a full sized cot? If his arms aren't hitting the sides he might not wake up as much? I wouldn't swaddle an older baby because if they do happen to roll onto their tummy they could get stuck and be unable to breathe properly. Maybe try a baby blanket, tucked in to limit the thrashing a bit?

Thanks everyone @Vicky1989x @jupitermars1345 @BlackInk I started worrying about rolling after I saw him roll onto his side when lay on a sheepskin on the floor. I’ve not seen him do it again since and this was a few weeks ago, and I do think it was accidental as he was swinging his legs around at the time. I’ll go back to at least one arm in his sleep bag. I have pondered about whether to try him in his full-size cot in the nursery and I could sleep on the floor temporarily, and then if that works I’ll invest in a blowup mattress. Fingers crossed things improve, as after three months of hardly being able to put him down (literally has slept the odd couple of hours in his crib maybe once or twice a week, and not at all in his Moses basket in the day) I’m really struggling now x

@BlackInk do you think three months is too old to swaddle? When I’ve tried a blanket in the past he kicks it off no matter how well I tuck it in, which is obviously then unsafe with loose covers in the crib x

I would say if there's any danger of rolling, even accidentally, it's too risky. Is there any way you can squeeze the cot in your bedroom? We put ours right across the end of our bed and moved a chest of drawers out until DS hit 6 months and we moved him out (because he was soooo noisy!). Or move your bed into the nursery for a while / swap rooms? The flailing will probably settle soon as it's a newborn reflex, but that doesn't help you now!

@BlackInk this is why I stopped having his arms in a week or so ago, as I generally am always cautious when it comes to these things. I’ll maybe try him sleeping in the big cot for a night and if that works will figure out sleeping arrangements. We have the same problem - DS is so noisy at night! X