Children's birthday party

[Twizbe]

I've been dreading this day.

My 4 year old has asked for a birthday party 🤦‍♀️ it's all he can talk about at the moment so I've told him he can have one. However, as his sister turns 3 a few days after and his birthday falls on a Saturday I've said it has to be a joint one with her.

Ideally he wants a picnic in the park, but I've explained that's not a great idea in January...

Anyway, as can be guessed, we've never done a birthday party for either kid before. Can wise mumsnetters help me with some questions:

1. do we have to invite the whole class? I'd rather not as it's a joint party.
2. if we do mid/late afternoon do we feed the adults?
3. linked to that, do you provide alcohol? I'm a non drinking so would rather not if parents won't expect it
4. son has a food allergy, would I be rude to ensure all the food is suitable for him? There would still be a mix of meat and veggie and plenty of kids favourites.
5. can we just do some games rather than spending lots of money on an entertainer?
6. can I not invite family lol

Many thanks

1. do we have to invite the whole class? I'd rather not as it's a joint party.
   Invite who you want

2. if we do mid/late afternoon do we feed the adults?
   Couple sandwiches but I wouldn't go over board, or if you do enough food on kids table tell them to help themselves. Most parents stay near their kids when their eating at parties, I've been to some parties where there's been nothing for parents and it's fine.

3. linked to that, do you provide alcohol? I'm a non drinking so would rather not if parents won't expect it
   Wouldn't expect it no. And I wouldn't supply it either

4. son has a food allergy, would I be rude to ensure all the food is suitable for him? There would still be a mix of meat and veggie and plenty of kids favourites.
   100% not rude

5. can we just do some games rather than spending lots of money on an entertainer?
   100% old school party games are the best!

6. can I not invite family lol
   Don't invite them haha

1. Ideally you invite the whole class. But if you don't do that, you have to invite fewer than half. What you absolutely can't do is invite, say, 8 of 10 boys in a class, leaving 2 feeling they were deliberately excluded. 2 and 3) You are not expected to feed adults or provide booze for them. But it would be a nice touch to have water or tea/coffee if you are doing it at home, and maybe some crisps.
2. Of course fine to have only food he can eat! You don't want to spend the whole party watching your son like a hawk to make sure he doesn't come into contact with something he is allergic to.
3. Possibly, but it will actually be less stressful for you if it is someone else's responsibility to entertain them and they have that as a centrepiece, rather that you spending the whole two hours trying to make them play pass the level or pin the tail on the donkey.
4. that's up to you!

Other tips - be sure to put an end time on the invitations! Don't make food too elaborate - they won't eat much anyway (pizza or pasta or sandwiches is fine, with a few cherry tomatoes and carrot sticks). Remember party bags - all children expect party bags, even if it's just a bag with a sheet of stickers, a balloon and a mini bag of haribos.

You might be overthinking this a little!

Personally, i wouldn't do a joint party. I fully appreciate the thinking and desire to do it in one go, but even if you don't invite the whole class, you're going to land up with a LOT of people and with an age gap there will be differences in what one group wants to do vs the other.

You don't have to invite the whole class but absolutely - go small or go big. There can be no middle ground. Nothing worse than the party with 20 kids and the other 7 are excluded.

Don't even consider offering food your ds can't eat - that won't be fun for him at all. And tea/coffee/soft drinks for the parents is fine - throw some crisps in a bowl too or a packet of biscuits and you're laughing.

You can do whatever you like in terms of games/entertainer. I always pay for the entertainer as I can't be bothered corralling all the kids. But if you're up for it, go ahead. Bear in mind they will be hyper and over excited. A jumping castle or similar is a good option, as well as other toys available to keep them active and busy.

We always do family separate.

At 4 the easiest way is one of those soft play places. At that age it doesn’t cost that much to invite the whole class. I wouldn’t alienate any kids so early in school. As someone else said you either have a handful or all. You can’t leave kids out. It’s awful.
I did inviting all the class when we had a party age 6, after that I just did all the girls so only needed to invite half.
I wouldn’t do joint as it’s too many and age gap will mean you need to do different activities.
You don’t have to provide things for parents

My 4yos birthday party this year was 5 of her class mates, I just asked who she plays with most and asked the staff to give me a list (she’s in preschool). We had it at home, played a few music games, but I did hire a bouncy castle which kept them busy the whole time.

You don’t need to feed parents. If you do it at home then I’d offer drinks and biscuits. If you do a park, maybe bring a couple of extra waters or juices with biscuits. A venue they can buy their own.

Depending on food allergies. My dd has food allergies but I catered to the other kids in general. The food I put out wasn’t dangerous to my dd. I wouldn’t put out anything she can’t be near. Food very basic, kids don’t care, ham & cheese sandwiches, crisps, fruit and veg to nibble on. As long as their are cakes or other treats they are happy.

You don’t need to invite family, just say it’s a school thing, you can do family another day.

Two of my DDs have always had joint parties. The cheapest way is a village hall, plenty of room. One year we did bouncy castle, another entertainer, one year we did it all ourselves, did a bit of face painting, DH did balloon tieing, we put of lots of things to play with. Alternatively a soft play is great at this age, let them do it all for you.

1. do we have to invite the whole class?
   Usually at this age invite whole class BUT due to covid precedents changed, I think you can do anything. If you are not inviting whole Class, just invite a few (ie don't invite 20 kids out of 25). Give plenty of notice and ask for an RSVP date - you will be surprised how many people won't reply or will reply on the day saying, "we are coming is that still ok?". Be aware also sometimes people turn up with a sibling of the invited child, think about whether that is ok

2. if we do mid/late afternoon do we feed the adults?
   No. Parents might help eat up leftovers, if you invite them, and will be grateful. You are going to be supervising games. If you are extremely nice, put out some extra paper cups and a bottle of lemonade/packing biscuits for the adults in your kitchen (if you are hosting at home), and leave out mugs, milk and tea/coffee and say help yourself.

3. linked to that, do you provide alcohol?
   No, definitely not. Most parents will drive. Changes slightly if you become personal friends with the parents in several years, but for this age, no.

4. son has a food allergy, would I be rude to ensure all the food is suitable for him?
   Definitely not rude at all. Don't forget to ask about other kids' allergies when you send out invites.

5. can we just do some games rather than spending lots of money on an entertainer?
   Of course, bear in mind it will be chaos. I would recommend having a playlist of songs and plan to do a mini disco as that kills times and uses up energy. And they all love that. Songs can be from kids' films and TV programs at this age. Pass the parcel, with a toy for each child, is basically obligatory.

6. can I not invite family lol
   No don't invite family. It is literally bedlam with 4 year olds, you won't have time. If there is 1 or 2 people in the family who would actually help wrangle the kids, take them to the loo, set up the table for tea, pass round drinks and food, cut up the cake and put it in the party bags, and generally help with things then invite those people, on the understanding you will be eternally grateful and provide a nice bottle of wine or box of chocs to say thanks at the end.

If the numbers are small, and if you allow siblings to come, then a joint party is ok, but if it is in your house in January it will be madness with lots of kids as the parent will stay too. You could hire a small hall, but then there's a bit more expectation of entertainment as otherwise you've just got loads of kids tearing around. They are a bit young to sit and play games so you will need to be supervising closely. Some might play, while some are going crazy.

Entertainers are expensive because they are worth their weight in gold, in my opinion. I'd rather eat economy pasta for four months than entertain at a kids party all by myself (shudder) but each to their own!

Invite the whole class - yes, I’m reception I absolutely would & will be doing. I don’t want to create any animosity between any children or indeed parents! Obviously, as they get older and have firm friends, it becomes different. But at this age, at least invite everyone. They probably won’t all be able to come.

I’m hiring a large softplay for my DD. Whole class & a few friends she has still from nursery & other parts of life. Food is provided (& allergies catered for). They can go wild, parents can sit & chat. At softplay, there is a cafe where adults can order drinks, food & cake should they wish! I’m not paying for that.. no alcohol obviously. It’s a kids party.

I’m doing a separate family party. At home, chill, everyone is bringing bits of food. We’ll have music & silly games.

I went to two parties this weekend. One at a house, about 20 kids. Had an entertainer. He was incredible. Food for the kids and so much left over that the adults them tucked in!

Second one was about 40 kids in a village hall. No entertainer, picnic lunch for the kids only. The kids just ran around like maniacs for 2 hours.. no entertainment needed it seemed! My 4 year old DD had the ‘best time ever’.

Thank you so much for the tips.

If I have to do whole class I might not do a joint thing this year, or let my youngest invite a friend or two so she has some company.

My son can't remember everyone's name in his class so perhaps a general invite is best.

We will be hiring a hall. We have a kitchen diner but it's not big enough for everyone in January lol.

I might look into an entertainer then too.