Yelled at my (3yo) toddler and feel awful

[JMD2]

I’m laying here feeling absolutely awful. My 3 yo and I started the days so great. We woke up watched cartoons and read books. I haven’t been able to do much outdoor running because of weather and today was perfect. I took the jogger out put her in and went for a rather long run. We stopped at two playground and had some fun she was soooo happy. On our way home she fell asleep and got a 15 minute cat nap. I tried to keep her asleep but she woke up. Anyway I took her to her room and told her to go down for her nap. At this point I was exhausted. I never nap I just have never been able to. But I felt tired. I laid down next to her and started to fall asleep. She would NOT. Go to sleep. I yelled at her to close her eyes. Which already made me feel awful. I started to doze off and opened my eyes again she was awake. I yelled again. Finally I fell asleep and she touches my face. I was furious. I haven’t been this mad in so long. I grabbed her picked her up and cradled her like a baby very aggressively and yelled go to sleep. Mommy is trying to sleep. I know I scared her so much may have hurt her. I layer her back in her bed and just started to cry. I can’t believe after such a fun morning I just ruined it. She layed down started crying I cried and she FINALLY fell asleep. I now feel absolutely awful and don’t know what to do. I just ruined all our fun memories today. I don’t know why I go so mad.
Does anyone else ever get like this? Am I mad why do all the other moms look so calm ALL THE TIME.

Nope, i felt like this the other day, I love my 3 year old to pieces but sometimes after a particularly stressful or tiring day it can wear my patience thin and make me just lose it with him. I was chatting to a friend about it as the other mums are calm and collected, but behind closed doors im pretty sure most people shout at their 3 year olds from one time or another. I opened the car door for my son to get out of the car the other day, it was pissing it down and i was due to pop any day. I asked him many times really nicely to get out of the car , he insisted on doing it himself but did he get out of the car?!! Nope, kept running to the other side of the inner car , me running round to get him out like it was a game. I just lost it and pulled him out of the car and screamed at him :( like you we'd had a lovely day and I just got so mad as i was tired and wet!

It sounds like quite an overreaction. How are you generally? Are you/ is she sleeping at night? The only time I have felt that out of control anger as a parent is when really sleep deprived.

It can feel so frustrating , especially when you’ve tried so hard. Mine would refuse to get in the car, so we’d walk the bike down the big hill to the park, where he’d decide he didn’t like something and wanted to be carried home. So heavy child, nappy bag and bike would be lugged back up the big hill with me in tears. ( While everyone’s else’s kids were playing happily while the mums chatted and drank coffee in nice dresses!)

I sometimes cheat and stick the iPad on and just doze or sit in the other room for a break for an hour. Don’t be too hard on yourself re the shouting.

Thank you for sharing at least I’m not alone! Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one with bad days.

@Ellis989

It sounds like quite an overreaction. How are you generally? Are you/ is she sleeping at night? The only time I have felt that out of control anger as a parent is when really sleep deprived.

I am tired I just recently had to split my days off so I can take her to soccer and swim on two different days of the week. Also changed my hours to go in at 5am to get out early to make soccer practice mid week. New routine so probably tired.

It’s the tiredness - being tired and being stopped of relieving that makes you angry. When you think you might get to sleep but then it gets taken away that’s what does it.

Yes it's an over reaction and actually in this instance I think you are really out of order - we've all lost out shit with our kids at times - especially when we are tired but it was your choice to go for a long run?

Maybe next time if she doesn’t want to sleep and you need a nap let her watch tv rather than get cross? Depends how old she is though as to how badly she needs to nap? I remember the danger of power naps stopping proper naps when my 2 were little…

She's 3 years old and probably didn't need the nap. Yelling like that at her because she couldn't fall asleep is really unfair.

I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to create experiences for your DD and working silly hours to accommodate these. Why not look at doing things differently. A happy non-sleep deprived mum who is having her needs met will naturally be a happier more relaxed parent. Prioritise your need for nighttime sleep above soccer lessons and swimming lessons. Children of 3 would be equally happy on a woodland walk with a friend, building damns in streams, building a tent in the house, baking. Having fun together

Also, going to work at 5am so that a toddler can have football practice is a bit mad!

You can't make some sleep if they aren't tired. How frustrating would you feel if someone shouted at you to sleep if you weren't tired?

I think we all lose our shit at some point though and she hopefully won't remember it.

Maybe you are doing too much and you just can't run so far now because it will exhaust you?

Do 3 year olds even need to nap?!

Missed the but about working at 5am just to make soccer practice....no, that's just crazy!

@SaltySheepdog

I think you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to create experiences for your DD and working silly hours to accommodate these. Why not look at doing things differently. A happy non-sleep deprived mum who is having her needs met will naturally be a happier more relaxed parent. Prioritise your need for nighttime sleep above soccer lessons and swimming lessons. Children of 3 would be equally happy on a woodland walk with a friend, building damns in streams, building a tent in the house, baking. Having fun together

Was just about to write something very similar. She's 3 for goodness sake.

Similar to other posters, I'm not castigating you for having lost it with your toddler - we've all been there.

I think I'm similar to you - guilty of doing too much & not being great at just 'being', so I get it.

However, you were very unfair to your DC to try & enforce a nap, that a 3 yo didn't need anyway, because you were tired, and shouting so aggressively at her. She had had a 15 minute cat nap & that's all she needed.

Now you can apologise to her & explain you were tired - it will be fine. Then rethink your own schedule.

I think this does sound like an unpleasant incident and you maybe need a rethink of how you're organising your week/time.

Taking a child to activities but being grumpy is counterproductive, you'd be better doing less and being calmer/happier.

Where is her dad in all this?

Toddlers don't sleep to order, you can't really shout at a toddler for not sleeping.

3 is old for a nap, especially if she’d just had a power nap. It seems like an extreme reaction, and sounds like it’s come from you being so tired. Worth examining the new routine, if it’s making you this tired is it worth it?

We all have off days. Your dd won't remember being shouted at. Give yourself a break and try to move on from it. Your D.C. loves you regardless xx

Could you have had a sugar crash? What are your eating habits like? Going for a long run, then suddenly feeling very sleepy as well as intense anger can be a sign of sugar instability. Keep an eye on it and if it happens again I'd make sure to have a word with the doctor.
Make sure you're eating regularly and healthily if possible!

God. You choose to go for a long run. That was on you. You totally overreacted.

Dots your dc need structured football and swimming classes at their age? Maybe not.

I'd apologise to your dd, and try to get more sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

That’s upsetting to read.
Sorry, it was your choice to go for a run. If it’s going to make you tired, irrational and nasty, don’t do it. You absolutely should feel ashamed and upset.
Yes your DC WILL love you, regardless of how you treat her- that does not make it ok.