How to get ds2 (6) to do his homework

[LeaveYourHatOn]

I failed at this with ds1 and now I am failing with ds2, and we're only 2 weeks into starting school.

Kids start school at 6 here (it's nursery and play before that), but as soon as they DO start it's quite serious and the children are supposed to be able to sit and do worksheets at home. The homework is not extra or optional - it's an integral part of the learning as they don't really do any practice in school time (8.30 - 12.30).

But it's just not happening.
He sits but then wiggles about, drops things, starts and then stops in the middle of a letter or counting, gets distracted by anything and everything.....says he can't do it; he can, it's absolutely age-appropriate work and not too much of it but obviously if you spend 5 minutes tracing the letter A and there's a whole row of them to do then you are going to get bored and fed up.

I encourage, I sit with him, I move away and come back to check, I offer small incentives to finish or move on....I am out of ideas. In the end I find myself shouting JUST GET ON WITH IT because we are sitting for 20 minutes and he's not finished a single row of letters (there are eg 6 giant letter "A"s on a row and he's supposed to just trace over them).

I had exactly the same problems with DS1 - work which was easy and should have taken minutes would take ages and ages, and we never found a solution.
Any help or advice - especially if you also have experience of non-UK schooling - would be really appreciated.

No advice at all but just wondered if he's had his eyes tested recently? DS was very much like this and things improved when he had glasses. Turned out he was struggling to focus on the work.

He had them tested at the last paediatrician app, probably a year ago or so, but it's worth checking again, thanks!

A chocolate button for each letter but only when he gets to the end of the row will sort it.

@urbanbuddha

A chocolate button for each letter but only when he gets to the end of the row will sort it.

This is really bad advice

If it was me I would model - I would say this is the time we all do our work so that we can do our best at school, and while you're doing your work I will do my work. Then I would use the time to do something that looks like work (write your shopping list, check bank statements, whatever). Set a time limit with a hard ending (alarm) and afterwards make a huge fuss of anything he has done. No cajoling, no nagging, no bribes. Play a game afterwards.

Tell school you're doing this and try for a full month to see if he cheers up about it.

If he does not - speak to school and ask for help as some kids don't do homework this age, with school support, due to it being counter-productive to try.

How about similar tactics to what you use when they are little and you want them to tidy their toys or similar?
Set a timer and encourage them to race the clock…who can win?
You do a sheet at the same time…who will finish each letter first?
Just be playful and silly with it maybe, take the pressure off. ‘I bet you can’t trace that letter before I finish making my cup of tea’ then over the top surprise anf excitemebt that he did. Give him a tiny sticker for each one he does but in a funny way, stick the sticker on his forehead, make him laugh maybr

@rrhuth

It's a bit tongue in cheek but I don't think it's really bad advice. At 6 you are trying to encourage children to enjoy learning and look forward to it. It shouldn't be seen as a task to be got through.

[quote urbanbuddha]**@rrhuth

It's a bit tongue in cheek but I don't think it's really bad advice. At 6 you are trying to encourage children to enjoy learning and look forward to it. It shouldn't be seen as a task to be got through.[/quote]
Bribing children with food a) doesn't fix the issue b) creates eating disorders.

You're not training a dog for crufts

Intrinsic motivation is what you need, not extrinsic motivation caused by bribery.

For mine at that age, I told her she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to, but that she would have to explain to her teacher why it wasn't completed. She chose to complete her homework rather than have to speak to her (really lovely) teacher.

It would be bribery every time for me but not necessarily food. Coloured felt tips to go over the letters in, being a bit silly “A…..big bananana”, “A……huge dinosaur”, etc, in funny voices as he did them and maybe a token in a jar as he completes each one or each line. You choose the reward but it needs to be instant at first to keep his interest.

I would make it more enjoyable. Once you get in from school have a few minutes to relax, but not enough to fully switch off from school, have a drink and a snack so not hungry or thirsty.
Sit with him the whole time. Make occasional positive comments or guidance.
Set a timer for no more than 10 minutes and say, the aim is to finish the task before the timer goes off and have some kind of reward at the end. Could be a game, some screen time, do an activity together.
What you're aiming for is to start to establish good habits, which won't happen as easily if it's a negative experience.
Maybe have a cumulative reward at the end of the week for trying hard and having a good attitude. Go out for a milkshake or a walk, whatever motivates your child. Six is still very little so keep expectations in line with that.

Thank you, some good suggestions here, I really appreciate it.

Ds2 is extremely stubborn so motivating him is very, very difficult. I need him to want to do it iyswim.

The timer is an excellent idea, we've used it for other situations (he doesn't do well with transitions, so it helps him prepare). I will do 10 mins per sheet, with a break in between.
My problem is that he (most likely) won't finish it, and while we can do this a couple of times, if it's more than that the teacher will be in touch. They absolutely have to do the work - as I said, it's not extra or optional, it's an integral part of the the learning here.
(I disagree with this as a method btw, I think it disadvantages so many kids, but that's a whole other post!).

@Beamur
Maybe have a cumulative reward at the end of the week for trying hard and having a good attitude.
I love this idea, but whenever we've tried anything like this before, DS gets totally focused on the reward but without putting in any effort to get it - so he will go on and on and about what he'd like to do / get, but it will distract him totally from just getting on with what he's supposed to be doing! It's incredibly frustrating.

But I think maybe a no-goal sticker chart might work better - so it's an acknowledgment of effort in itself. I think I will try that. And if that works well I could always surprise him with something just because he's been doing well with the homework, and not link it directly to the number of stickers or whatever.

Thank you again, everyone, just reading ideas can be so helpful!

I think the unexpected surprise might work really well. I get what you mean about just being fixated on the reward.
Maybe try breaking it down into smaller defined chunks of time until the work is finished? With a break in between? I think it's hard for kids to focus for long on school work at home. But it is a skill that they do need to acquire!
Does his concentration improve a little bit if he's active between tasks? I'm thinking perhaps to do something that switches from mental effort to physical? Throw a ball, do some skipping - anything active but fun.

Placemarking for later, I'm in Germany and have the same thing.

Let it go - I am guessing there will be consequences in school (poor little chap) and he will start to make his choices. You cannot have a battle every evening - that is not what home life and childhood are about.

You have given him the space and encouragement to do it - then just walk away and make no comment if he does not do it. It is HIS homework and you need to leave him to it.

Honestly - he will not finish up uneducated just because he confines formal learning to school. It is fundamentally wrong for children to be put in this position. There are those who will lap it up and those who won't. They have to be themselves. I do not think that school has the right to interfere with home life in this way - at the age of 6 for goodness' sake!

@Bananalanacake Yes, we're in Germany too!

@Mischance Unfortunately, it really doesn't work like that here. The work at home is a calculated, integral part of their learning, it's not extra. At the parents' evenings (by which I mean an evening at which the teacher talks to all the parents in one go) we are given explicit instructions on what and how they are learning so that we can do it "properly" with them at home. They finish school early (12.30) in the knowledge that there will be more work to do at home.
I had this all years ago with DS1, and the consequences were that I was called into school and told he wasn't doing his homework and we needed to buck up (basically).
The education system here is my biggest gripe with the country - I think mainly it is wonderful and I love living here, but the schooling is something I think they do very, very wrong. But I can't change the system, so I have to find a way for us to work within it.

Just a quick update on how it went today: I used the timer (10min sand clock thing) for each sheet and he responded really well! Didn't manage quite everything on the numbers worksheet, but definitely enough. He seemed to like having a visual reference to how long he had to work. I will definitely stick with this, and if it continues well will treat him on Friday as a reward for trying.

Brilliant!

It is so wrong that children are farmed out each day and thrown into a situation that is not of our choosing or making. It is far too regimented.

I am sorry that you feel you cannot have any input into what is and what is not acceptable in terms of his education - that you are required to "buck up." What a divisive system - what happens to those children whose home life is chaotic or uncaring, or whose parents do not themselves have the ability to follow it all?

It sounds wholly wrong to me and I would not wish a child of mine to be in that system.

I wish you luck with it all though.

@Mischance Yes, you've hit the nail on the head as to why this is a deeply flawed and unfair system. Attempts to reform it in any significant way have been met with reluctance.
Tbf, I don't know how I'd feel about the UK system now if I still lived there. You just have to find the best way through whatever system you're in.

Back now. So I'm in Germany, my DD started at school in early August and turned 7 at the end of September. She also brings home lots of homework, DH tells me how important it is and I've got to sit and do it with her for an hour each day, getting her to focus can be difficult. Last week she forgot to bring her books home! I could see in her worksheet she hadn't done all the work for the previous day, so that was 2 days she hadn't done. I was so happy when the next day my lovely, helpful MIL went to collect her from the bus stop and did a whole 3 days worth of homework with her. I can't expect her to do it every day though. My German isn't that fluent yet but I'm trying my best, I'm learning some new words, Silbenbogen

Can you make it into a game. Follow 5 minute mum on Insta, she also has a time for school book with fun ways to approach homework.

Just wanted to update again today and say that this week has gone really well and I think we're onto a good routine now.
So when he gets in, he has lunch, a bit of a break (no tv though so he doesn't "switch off" from school too much, as suggested by @Beamur), then we set the timer and he does 1 worksheet with me sitting next to him reading a magazine but encouraging and helping as necessary.
If he runs out of time but has almost finished, he carries on and finishes it. If there's still loads to do he can leave it (and I will write a note to the teacher). He can then choose if he wants to have a little break before doing the next worksheet.

Once he's done both, he gets to choose a special sticker which he's putting on his homework folder (so he's got visual confirmation every time he does work of how he's successfully done it before iyswim).
Today I am taking him and DS1 to McD's for lunch as a treat for their efforts so far in this new school year.

None of what we're doing is radical or amazing or new - but sometimes you just need suggestions or ideas to get going, so again a really big thank you. MN can be really wonderful!
Hope you all have a lovely weekend :)

Well done! Sounds like you’ve cracked it. 😃