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Struggling

2 replies

GH2021 · 04/10/2021 09:33

So my little girl is 4 months.
Labour was awful after being induced at 38 weeks, 3 failed epidurals and the other drugs making me so out of it I felt out of control an episiotomy and the shoulders got stuck.
We were in 2 days then she was readmitted 24 hours later with jaundice where she was stuck in a crib and inwasmt allowed to take her out other than I was allowed to bf for 10 mins every 3 hours then they would give her a bottle, they said its a bottle or ng tube so I went with bottle.
The following 8-12 weeks she would not be put down, ever. She would scream blue murder and what felt like crying constantly. I also struggled with feeding but everytime I asked for help they kept sending more bf support workers who kept showing me the same latch technique but saying my latch looked good. 6 weeks later the HV said she had tongue tie , that got cut. Due to the crying and feeding and being stuck on the couch all day everyday because she also screamed in her pushchair so we couldn't go out , I told the gp at my 6 week appt I wanted to run away and didn't feel like I was a good enough parent or could cope as I was worried and he said speak to the health visitor, its the 4th trimester and told me to do cry it out method ( yet the crying was what was triggering me and the feeding) , health visitor said as its only sometimes ( feed times etc) to see how I got on as the waiting list for therapy was huge and I'd probably feel better by then( I was also having a good feeding day when he came)
At 3 months things seemed to settle a little and she seemed more settled in herself and I made some tweaks to feeding ( pumping etc) as I felt so much pressure not to give up when I was struggling in the beginning I felt like I couldn't stop.
4 months hit and its like being back to the beginning and I'm really struggling with the crying. She is whingy and overtired all of the time but will only stop if I am standing and rocking her, which seems nice but this is every 2 hours and then will wake if I put her down. We have tried putting her down awake, drowsy, asleep everything and tried sussing, patting, holding our fingers what feels like everything and I've just had another half an hour of screaming that is like nails down a chalkboard.
Everyone keeps telling me to treasure the cuddles but when it is so often and I literally can't do anything its affecting me.
I just feel like I want to jump in the car and leave my baby with my husband but I know i couldn't live with myself so feel like i would have to die but I dont have the guts to do something like that.
The crying really triggers an overwhelming feeling and I'm worried about the impact on my daughter as I feel like she rarely smiles and its probably because I've been so stressed and crying with her.
I just needed to vent 😭.
Any sleep advice would be great though I should say at night she has always settled well it's nap times which are every 2 hours.
At night she is fed, bathed, bed. Day she is fed, play, bed , both with white noise and dummy.

OP posts:
WilsonandNoodles · 04/10/2021 10:00

Firstly you need a break. Whether it's your husband, family or friend you need to aim for an hour a day just for you. That might be to relax at home while they go out or for you to go for a walk and get some time to reset or simply for you to be in a different room off duty. If you are struggling to manage child care make sure you get to some play groups/ baby classes. Its amazing how a bit of distraction can calm a baby and having other mums who will love to have a cuddle while you have a cuppa and offload will really help your mental health. Even if you baby screams the whole time they will tire themselves out and if its just a playgroup you can always leave if you need to. Also have you tried using a sling. I've got a non day time sleeper but I can normally get her to nod off in the sling and then get a few jobs done.

Whatever you try just remember that it will get better, you are at a really difficult age and it does improve.

ssd · 04/10/2021 10:08

Ach, god love you @GH2021. That age is bloody hard work. And everyone tells you how wonderful it is so you dont like to say how you actually feel. Mine are older now but i remember it well. Its a never ending loop of exhaustion and crying. I haven't any great advice, we never had much family support so could never pack them off to granny's and get a sleep. I ended up co sleeping for years, i had to. Id say anything that works for you, go for it.
Practically, is baby going through a growth spurt and hungrier than normal? Perhaps an extra feed would help. Or does she have colic, that causes them to scream, wee souls. They just want to be beside you at this age. Try not to fight it too much, it changes over time.Flowers

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