Tips/techniques to get a 3 year old to behave

[Nichola2310]

My son turned 3 a month ago and in my view is a particularly demanding toddler. I have absolutely no idea how to improve his behaviour. Im now due a 2nd baby in about 5 weeks, and I'm dreading the thought of trying to deal with his behaviour while also looking after a baby.

He has a dreadful temper, and has many many tantrums per day when he doesn't get his way.

I have tried the naughty mat, but he doesn't stay on it, no matter how many times I put him back. He ends up telling me to stay on the mat and that he'll come back for me.

I've used switching off cartoons as a warning and then following through, but it also doesn't seem to make any difference.

I don't think he has the understanding for any sort of sticker chart.

Any advice please?

Tantrums are him being overwhelmed by his emotions and they don’t need punishing. What he is having tantrums over?

DS is deep in the throes of threenager-dom and it's a bloody nightmare. I'm using a star chart to reward good behaviour - he gets a treat if he gets 5 stars over the course of the day. Some days it works, other days it really doesn't. Just gotta be consistent with him, he's doing a whole load of developing right now

For mine when they were that age,

being really clear about what was going to happen next so no shocks,

giving options e.g. wellies or trainers on the walk, you first up the stairs or me?

Trying to inject silliness when everything gets tense - don't want any shoes on? Oh no the shoe monster is eating my foot! On no the shoe monster is coming to eat your foot now aaah!

Regular snacks, naps and cuddles

Love and sympathy when tantruming, oh you really don't want to leave the park, I can see how angry/upset you are. It's hard to leave somewhere when you're having lots of fun.

Distraction - hmm when we get home from the park I wonder who can build the biggest tower. Ooh did you see that dog? If we walk faster maybe we can follow it for a bit?

When he goes in to the tantrums to get what he wants do you give in in the end and give it to him?

We started my laying out the consequences at the beginning and asking DS to repeat. For example, Tablet is on a timer and he tantrums every time it finishes. I explain that he can have his tablet but if he tantrums when the time is up he won’t be able to play on it next time. It makes him upset and I don’t want to give him something that makes him so sad/angry. Ask him to repeat the consequence. Worked immediately, sometimes you do have to follow through with the consequence but he got the picture really quickly. Now when the time is up he puts it away for the next day.

If you’re struggling to get out the door I put a timer counting down on my phone and explained that we need to be ready in x amount of minutes you need to get coat/hats/shoes etc. Then it is the time that is the issue not you asking everyone to get ready

Yesterday he tantrumed for about half an hour because daddy has driven the wrong way home!

The more I try to sympathise/reassure when he's in a temper the more annoyed he gets, and more likely to lash out and hit me.

I told him this evening he could watch 1 episode of fireman Sam before his bath. When it was over he was begging for 1 more and when I said no it was time for his bath he slapped the tv.

I could more easily accept all that as just him being a toddler than the pure refusal to do as I say.

His current favourite thing to do it lie on top of the back of the sofa and kick the windows. I've lost count of the amount of times I've told him to get down and he does, but the second I walk out of the room he's back up there kicking.

Ha ha I could have written this about my two year old! They are so irrational 😂😂😂 mine is as bad so I can’t really offer useful advice as I do the whole recognising the feeling ect causing it but honestly I think we all just have to ride this period out till they develop more!

I have the same age gap with my two - my son was 3 years 1 month when my second was born, and his behaviour has just continued to get worse and worse. They warn you about the terrible twos, but it's nothing compared to the threenager stage!!
I'm at my wits end completely so I totally know how you feel. Our problem is discipline - he doesn't listen to a word I say, and it's scared by any threats either so trying to discipline him is frankly impossible at the moment. I think I definitely need to be harsher with stopping the snacks/ treats etc, but it's so much easier said than done when you're trying to deal with a screaming baby and the toddler is also screaming in my face for food or general attention.

My son is also incredibly hyper, to the point he just doesn't stop until his head hits the pillow. He gets himself so worked up, we have to do deep breaths with him to calm him down. I'm wondering if there could be something bigger going on, but I think it's probably a bit too early to tell at the moment.

I wish I had advice, but can offer nothing but solidarity and sympathy!

isn't* scared by any threats that should say!!

How To Talk So Little Kids Listen is really good for this kind of thing. Ditto Janet Lansbury, No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame.

Thank you everyone for your comments.

@SylvanasWindrunner I will take a look at those books

@OnTheEdge2021 that's what I'm afraid off, being at home with 2 screaming children!