Age gaps and playing together

[again2020]

Spoken to friends IRL about this and wanting to know others experiences. Most friends say siblings with a less than 3 year gap play well together but only if they are the same gender.

In particular I have a friend with a 4 year gap, 8 year old boy and 4 year old girl and he says it's very hard as they don't play together and want their parents to play different games with them constantly.

Mainly asking out of interest as DD (3.9) is going through a phase of constantly wanting me to play Sylvanian families, she's not much interested in anything else (especially now it's getting colder etc) ! I try my best with imaginative play but hours of it is pretty boring 🙈🙄🤣
I'm wondering if she had a sibling would they play (would obviously be a big gap) or would it be worth asking a friend for tea from time to te or something?

Just thinking out loud really.

I would really not count on them entertaining each other. It's definitely not a good reason to have a second.

Hit and miss.
Our kids are 15, 10, 9, 6 (twins) & almost 8wk. All ages will do stuff together sometimes and they dote on baby. They're on pretty good at playing etc solo though so don't expect me to be doing with them too much.

I think the age gap would play a part. I have 4 year old DS. Wanted more, but hasn't been medically possible. Ideally would have liked a small age gap so they could play together. If by some miracle I fell pregnant now, I don't think it would be what I always envisaged as DS would be over 5 when a baby was born.

Having said that, my friend has two girls 18 months apart and they fight like cat and dog!

DD is 3 years older than DS. They play well together. In our case this is because DD loves imaginary play, being a teacher etc so slots DS into her games and mothers him a bit. As they get older, we will see if DS continues to tolerate this or not!

I had 3 ds's all within 3 years.. Due to different interests the 2 younger ones played together as small dc and are close now as late teens
Neither see the older ds..
Youngest dc are 13 and 7 and very close. Always have been.
Different personality counts more than age gaps ime.

Mine are different sexes and a 5 year gap. When younger they played together but but now my eldest is 12 they don't at all and haven't for a couple of years. It makes me sad but they do love each other.

My brother and I have a four year gap and he never played with me.

Personality matters too. DS1 (8) never ever played imaginary games whereas DS2 (5) loves them so that would have been a non starter even if they were twins. They do play board games and Lego together and are beginning to be able to play garden cricket together.

We've got 2 dds with a 2y gap. Even with that relatively small gap I find it goes in cycles - dd1 will find dd2 too immature and annoying, then dd2 will grow up a bit and we'll have a golden time of them playing together, then dd1 will leave her behind again. Inviting a friend for tea every week would definitely be easier than having another child 24/7

My two play together well. But it is nice of them to have friends around too. When ever they have a friend over I think that I should do it more often!

I think bigger age gaps are hugely underrated on here.

We have five years between our two and they get on brilliantly. Reasons being:

• the older one was independent and settled at school before the younger one arrived. Was able to wait if I was busy, play alone a bit while I got the baby off to sleep, help a bit and love the responsibility of that. Vice versa I had loads of Time for them while the baby was little (and a brill sleeper). Eldest dc has asked me to have another they enjoyed my second mat leave that much
• I also think dc2 was an easy baby as I had time for them, wasn’t rushed deadline with two.
• a new baby has a rough impact for a child aged 1/2/3 yrs. they still need you a lot, notice you’re much less available and don’t like it. Bakes in sibling rivaly from the beginning.

Mine are now 8 & 3 and things are still much easier than friends with smaller age gaps.

They don’t fight much - there’s such a size / maturity imbalance it cannot be acceptable.
So we intervene to help them negotiate disputes. A 4 yr plus age gap makes your family default ‘let’s find a respectful way to resolve this’

They often play apart, but when they do play together it often works well. The younger is happy to follow the older’s lead and is thrilled by the attention. The older loves being ‘in charge’. Maybe that won’t last, but I’m hoping when the young wants to start running the game the older will be maudire enough to be generous and go with it.

• makes it easier to see and treat them both as individuals, with plenty of one on one Time which helps them thrive.

I reckon at least a four year age gap if you like an easy life and want your kids to get on well!

Closer gaps look like a nightmare of rivalry and resentment that often lasts into adulthood

@Catsstillrock what a lovely post thank you. I have a four year old and have been trying for over a year for no.2. If it does ever happen (I’m old so good chance it won’t!) the age gap thing is something I worry about all the time. Your experience has really put my mind at ease! Just need to get blooming pregnant now! 😂

There is a 5y age gap between my DDs (currently 5 and 10). They adore each other and are great friends. We are moving house and they insist they will continue to share a room. They love playing together, including (especially) with Sylvanian Families..

I know we are incredibly lucky!

Two of the closest (now adult) siblings I know have an 8-year gap. I don't think you can predict these things, it's mostly down to personality.