Do I need to talk to someone?

[flowerpots2]

I have name changed. I have two DS (age 2 and 7m) and a wonderful DP who is a very hands-on dad. We have a lovely life and are very fortunate in many ways .. but I just feel like I’m struggling?

Recently I’m regularly becoming overcome with emotion. I find myself welling up at essentially nothing and feeling so down and alone. Even though DP does so much for the boys, me and around the house, I find myself feeling like I’m struggling. I have started having, I guess you’d call them, instrusive thoughts (?) about really big things that are not in my control such as family members suddenly dying, or me suddenly dying or death in itself and what happens (I’m an atheist) and becoming overwhelmed by it. I usually snap myself out of it within a minute or two but this is not normal for me.

I’ve never had any sort of mental health struggles and in a way have always been quite a ‘stiff upper lip’ person (horrible expression, sorry). I don’t show emotion easily, before I had children I don’t actually think I’d cried in maybe 10 years. Now it seems it’s all I do!

I can’t seem to put my finger on what’s going on, or what’s changed. I don’t know that I feel stressed or anxious, I am not actually sure if I could even identify those feelings? I’ve never been one to even give my mental health a thought - it’s thankfully just not something that I’ve ever really had to consider.

I know that so many people have so many more struggles than me that they deal with, so I feel almost not worthy (that’s not the right word but I’m not sure what is) of expressing how I’m feeling when I can’t even really articulate it. Im not sure what I’d gain from speaking to someone when I don’t even know what the problem is or if there even is a problem .. i just feel different. Do you think I need to speak to someone or just try to snap out of whatever’s going on?

Sorry that was so long and thank you if you got to the end x

I would encourage you to speak to someone.

This happened to me during pregnancy and was totally out of character for me. I couldn't rationalise it as I was pregnant with a much wanted and loved baby.
I kept telling my midwife all was well.

A difficult birth and a poorly baby tipped me over the edge and I spiralled into a pit of PND and anxiety. I didn't seek help until i walked out the house in the middle of the night crying with no intention of returning.

Things were so bad by the time I asked for help I'm still only slowly rebuilding my mental health now. Talking therapy really helped and I'm a better mum for it because I'm not dragged down by my feelings.

There's no shame in having difficult feelings and finding new ways of coping with them.

Please ask for help and be kind to yourself.

I think it’s definitely worth mentioning to your GP. Everyone’s struggles are relative and can only come from personal experience so don’t be ashamed of struggling even though you have help and support at home. I feel similar to how you describe and have spoken to the GP. It hasn’t been loads helpful thus far but I’m glad I’ve got the ball rolling x

Thank you very much for your replies.

I spoke to DP today about how I'd been feeling (I think I'd been nervous to before because it's so out of character for me) but he was really supportive. I actually feel quite a bit brighter today, I think from just trying to write everything down last night and then speaking to him today so when I next see my health visitor (DS's 6-8 month review is due soon) I'll ask about speaking to someone.

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, it validated my feelings even if I explained it terribly!