Pull out of nursery?

[Dcrolo12345]

My two year old child started nursery a few weeks ago, they did a few short settling in sessions and one full morning session. The drop offs weren’t great but nursery told me settled in fine but crying for me a few times but easily distracted. They then had a couple of weeks off with illness but back again yesterday which was meant to be a full morning... the drop off was a awful I was in tears on the way home and then after two hours they phoned to say my child had been hysterical for 30 minutes and they couldn’t calm them which I could hear in the background ,so I went to collect and I did say to them I’m really grateful they’ve told me.

Later on I then received a photo of my child on the nursery app sitting down crying with four other children- no staff in the photo , I can’t understand why they would be taking a photo and not comforting my poor child !? It really upset me and I’m not sure if to question it or just leave it and take them out of nursery. Regardless of the photo could I have an opinion on if you think there just not ready? I’m not working so it was purely sessions for socialisation and thought it might benefit but doesn’t seem like it as were both stressed.

It depends, are you reliant on nursery for childcare? What is your other option? A different nursery?

It's the time away you had. Nursery has to be consistent, especially at the beginning. I'd bet you'll have two weeks of difficult drop offs and then it'll get better.

The key thing is to make drop offs very very quick. Literally walk in, hand child over and walk away, even if they're crying. Because you being there just makes it all worse and prolongs it.

I work in a nursery, some kids just can’t be comforted they will cry more and become more distressed if staff go near them. It’s pretty horrible for everyone. Just be explicit that you don’t want him crying for any length of time and that you will pick him up.

I was same as you op, tried my son few weeks ago, hes nearly 3, picked him up he was really upset crying and was adamant he didn't want to go back. As it was purely for socialising and he obviously didn't enjoy it I didn't take him back. I'd of had to take him kicking and screaming and I just couldn't go through that especially with having a baby and the adjustment hes had to go through with that. Hes happy in any other setting,gets out most days with either me or his dad but is not happy being left with people he doesn't know for long and I dont think there's anything wrong with that at this age. They are a long time at school once they start so I'll cherish this time as best I can.

The key thing is to make drop offs very very quick. Literally walk in, hand child over and walk away, even if they're crying.

This post just sums up why I won’t send my DC to nursery!

My son was like this for a couple of weeks in the beginning. I honestly thought I was going to have to give up work because I couldn't deal with the emotional trauma of it. Same as you, I had a phone call one day where he'd been crying for a full hour and was unable to settle. I really thought that was it. But with consistency, he very quickly realised he was going there 3 days a week and clocked on to the idea that he got to play with friends all day for the entire time he was there. Now he gets out of the car and runs to the front door and dances until they open the door, shouts bye bye mummy, and doesn't look back!

I live very close to two nurseries one overlooks my back garden and see babies and children sobbing whilst being ignored with staff laughing and talking to each other. Take him out, why on earth would they do that!

@bluewanda

Actually I did this and it works. Parents standing there as upset as the children fuelling each other’s upset doesn’t help.

The child learns mum will be back soon and usually settles well.

@bluewanda

It is for the best for the child.we have a few parents that stay and the child gets more distressed- they settle far quicker and stop crying-some in seconds-the minute a parent is out of sight.So parent goes off extremely upset and child meanwhile is happy as anything.
It’s not nursery being uncaring- it’s just experience- children get the attention they need once the parents have left

Why don't you try a childminder instead. They have smaller numbers & it's more like being at home. It's not a bad idea to try to get him used to being with other people.

Take him out. He doesn’t need to be there and is utterly miserable. Try again in a year. Enjoy your time with him at home!

Thanks for replies , he doesn’t need to go as I’m not working, so I have the guilt there aswell. We could go to more groups instead. My instinct is saying don’t send him back next week it just doesn’t sit well with me , especially the photo has hurt my heart ( I know i may sound dramatic) should I speak to the nursery about it how would I word it without sounding confrontational ? I agree he might not want anyone comforting him as there strangers , but surely they should always be trying not taking a group photo which I think all other parents can see it just looks neglectful.

I agree he’s miserable there and I think I will try again next year.

If I'd had a picture of my child crying taken and sent to me/could see it on the app
I'd be ringing straightaway to see why
That would then give them the chance to explain, reassure you if it was an understandable thing to be crying about or not as the case maybe.
I think it's very strange that they took a photo of him crying

@Dcrolo12345

Thanks for replies , he doesn’t need to go as I’m not working, so I have the guilt there aswell. We could go to more groups instead. My instinct is saying don’t send him back next week it just doesn’t sit well with me , especially the photo has hurt my heart ( I know i may sound dramatic) should I speak to the nursery about it how would I word it without sounding confrontational ? I agree he might not want anyone comforting him as there strangers , but surely they should always be trying not taking a group photo which I think all other parents can see it just looks neglectful.

I agree he’s miserable there and I think I will try again next year.

Do that. 2 is still so little!

I agree taking a photo of a child crying and in distress, especially a group photo just seems awful. No wonder it’s affected you as a mother to see that. Take him to toddler groups, you’ll never regret the time spent with him at this age

How bloody privileged are you @bluewanda .. great to know you don’t need childcare 👍🏻 & good luck with school where it’s far more brutal than nursery. Literally watched teachers pull wailing children off their parents & tell them to leave.

@Bobholll wow, how bloody judgmental are you? Not everyone who doesn’t need childcare is “privileged” - where do you even get that idea from? Many people can’t actually afford it because it’s extremely expensive!!!

Later on I then received a photo of my child on the nursery app sitting down crying with four other children- no staff in the photo , I can’t understand why they would be taking a photo and not comforting my poor child !?

And I agree OP, I think it’s completely wrong that they were photographing your child whilst he was visibly upset. I would pull my child out personally.

@bluewanda the thing is it doesn't last long. In under a week both my DC were settled and loved running in to nursery. It just takes a while to get used to it all, for parents and children. But my point was that hanging around prolonging the handover just doesn't work at all.

@Bobholll, chip on your shoulder much? If you can't be bothered to give some constructive advice to OP, do one. Your attitude stinks.

OP, do you have an nursery you could try? In general, drop offs are so hard at the beginning and the advice of making them as brief as possible is spot on. Your DC will eventually enjoy going and probably can't wait to get there eventually. However, witn this particular nursery, the picture situation wouldn't sit right with me either.

I mean an = another, OP.

If you don't need childcare the just wait until closer to 3, he'll be able to understand then that he's going for fun and that you'll be back after