Is it possible to just have a fussy baby?

[Factorturtle]

So my LG is 3 months today. She’s always been a fussy baby. She did have really bad colic/reflux colic seems to have all but gone (finger crossed) reflux is a lot better she does still have flair ups.

Now she’s a lot less fussy than she was but still very fussy. She doesn’t seem to be content for long before she will start fussing/crying. Run through all the usual tiredness/wet/dirty/hunger. Wind her etc. Have tried tummy time (not keen at all) trying to introduce some toys like rattle sets she can start to engage with. But nothing seems to work.

Also she absolutely will not nap in her pram she will scream which results in distress for her and anxiety for me as we can’t be out for more than I’d say 20mins.

Does anyone have any hints or tips? I’m
Hoping as she gets older it’ll settle down?

She may want to be held.

I had mine mostly slings and carriers until she could walk.

My fussy baby has turned out to have lots of sensory issues, on the ASD assessment pathway and diagnosed ADHD. Makes sense of a lot of the baby stuff I couldn’t explain.

We hold her a lot. She will scream and cry when I’m carried too.

I think it’s more that she’s just fussy and we’re still trying to figure out exactly what she wants/needs. Not that’s she’s possibly on ASD pathway. Not
That it would matter either way. She’s perfect to us no matter what.

It’s worth keeping in mind though as she grows if she’s still seeming uncomfortable.

Ours was similar and I suspect she was uncomfortable as had an undiagnosed dairy intolerance. This is quite common I suspect. I hope you’re managing and can find the root of it as I didn’t but know how very tiring it can be.
With DS we had him checked soon after birth with a cranial Osteopath and I wish I’d done the same with our eldest in case there’s any benefit.

There are lots of respected books on high-needs children - you need to search for Dr Sears: The High-Needs Child, and also books Highly Sensitive children. My DD was highly alert, sensitive, fussy, also now as a schoolchild highly empathic and intelligent and still very sensitive. I an starting to think it is low on some spectrum, either female ADHD or low-scales ASD, but nothing that can be diagnosed yet. The baby years are very hard though, and worst of all is that no-one believes you, and blames your parenting and “pandering”. Keep meeting your child’s needs as far as you can, some children do not sleep alone till much later, or always awaken at the slightest noise. As parent of a high-needs child you will have to follow your instincts.

Also there is a wonderful book by a famous Spanish paediatrician “Kiss Me” which helps you realise that the problem is not your baby and her needs but societal framing of what is convenient. I very much recommend this book, and Dr Sears’ too.

Yes some babies/children/adults are more sensitive. Just the way it is, do what is necessary to get through the day and hopefully they will grow out of it.

Can she nap in a sling/baby carrier? High-needs children often NEED more body contact and scream in prams (like my DD).

DD1 was incredibly fussy - was medicated for reflux and threw up all the time which probably didn’t help. She was investigated for CMPA early on but this was ruled out. She was a champion nap refuser, and would only take a couple of 28 minute naps per day, which had to be forced by vigorous rocking in a covered buggy with loud white noise. I do think the fact that she was so alert and couldn’t switch off to nap/escape all the stimulation was a big factor in her fussiness.

What helped was, sadly, simply time. Once she could sit up she was a little happier, but the transformation came when she walked at 11 months (never crawled, reflux made it to painful to be on her tummy), and by the time she was communicating well at around 18 months and we were able to drop the daily nap battle she was much more cheerful.

Now she’s 2.10, she’s genuinely a delight - exceptionally bright according to nursery, kind, energetic, polite, popular, rarely cries and you can take her anywhere. If you’d told me that when she was three months old I’d have laughed in your face.

I think she was just too bright and alert to cope well with being a helpless baby, and with each step towards independence she improved. She is fiercely independent even now, though does require constant stimulation to stop her getting bored and troublesome - she prefers directed activities over toys.

Sadly, DD2 (eight weeks) already seems to be going the same way in terms of alertness and nap refusal, so I’m bracing myself….

Sorry, felt I should add - DD1 HATED a sling/carrier (think it was too much touching for her) and I felt terrible about it, but now I know her personality I can see it wasn’t my fault, it’s just how she’s programmed.

I had 3 that screamed constantly until they could move independently. I think they just didn't like being babies.
Everyone said after the first one, others are calmer, but that didn't work for me.

I’m pretty certain babies can just be fussy without any underlying problem, although my DS is only 16 months so I’m no expert. He was identical at that age. He hated everything. I couldn’t leave the house as he hated the pram, the sling and the car seat. Just screamed and screamed in them. It’s all a blur now but the only time he was vaguely happy was being carried around the house, facing away from me. He was born alert and switched on and has never ever been able to ‘self soothe’ or ‘switch off’. He resisted all napping (still does) and just wanted to breastfeed all the time, but even that stressed him out. It was absolutely awful if I’m honest.

It gets better. I’m not going to lie, I don’t have many fond memories of his first year. There was the odd happy spell but generally all I remember is fussing, crying or whinging. He has never crawled but the first big improvement came when he could cruise, then when he cracked feeding himself and recently, when he started walking. He also became happier when he had the head control to forward face in the sling (~5 months). I used to just spend hours walking round with him outside. He’s mostly great now.

He’s definitely naturally more high maintenance than a lot of babies and still cries very easily, but my god give me this over a year ago any day. I hope you see some improvements soon.

Ah just lost my post! My dd was such a grumpy baby. I thought it was reflux but it was actually tongue tie

She became a little easier once I found what worked:

• a dummy. She loved that thing until about 3/4 😂 it was a panic purchase but she just adored it.
• the sling. Used it a lot until she was about 4-5 months and I could have her more upright and facing out in the pram. She would grumble if she could see me, but happier if the world was on display
• we did tummy time, but only for short periods. Literally minutes. I would lie down with her

It’s important to remember that at that age they have such tiny attention spans and can get tired so incredibly easily. The best thing for me was getting out and about, keeping busy, so I didn’t think too much about naps/sleep etc.

She was quite unsettled at night and didn’t sleep through consistently until about 3?

Best thing is to make sure you look after yourself. Earlier bedtimes and plenty of rest.

This too shall pass!

Thank you! I mean I’m not too worried there’s necessarily something developmentally wrong. She’s doing everything she should be doing I believe at this point. I think it might br that she hates being a baby. She the same as your lo @AliceW89 she seems content when held facing forward and walked around. She’s not got enough head control just yet to be able to go forward facing in the carrier.

I should add - she hates the sling because (in hindsight) she got too hot. Once I started putting fewer layers on, she was fine 😂

@Factorturtle hello! When did this get better for you? Currently in the thick of it...

She really settled around 5-6 months I think weaning helped. We however found out by accident really when we took her the doctors for unrelated matter that she has an umbilical hernia which was likely the cause of all her problems! She’s now 2yr 3m and is honestly the best little girl ever! Still has her hernia but she’s fantastic. It so hard in the thick of it and believe it or not I don’t actually remember much of it. We now also have a 11 week old who thankfully has been a dream so far. It’s so cliche but it honestly does and will get better.