How can I help DD make friends ?

[helpDDmakefriends]

DD is 13 and miserable at school. She has no good friends but is part of a small group of girls who she has nothing in common with. The group go to a room at lunchtime while most of the other kids in the year go to the outside play area which is where DD would like to go but she says she feels horribly awkward if she goes there alone. She has tried chatting to other kids in her class / sports teams etc but finds it hard to connect. She cries every day, says no one wants to be her friend, they look at her like she’s weird etc (she’s not weird but might be a little awkward). She just needs one really good friend to turn things around. This has been going on for so long that we are thinking of changing schools which is a shame as the pastoral care at the school is excellent and they are aware she is not happy and trying to help. She sees a counsellor but it is not helping. She has got involved in sports / drama etc but is still miserable. Not sure how a parent or teacher can micro manage teenage friendships!?! Any advice appreciated!

I’d move schools and give her a fresh start.

Dad moved and found her people. It can happen.

Thanks Bluebells. I took her to visit another school but realistically she couldn't change until next year (if they even have a spot then). Alos the worry is she might have the same problem there and then what.

Could you try and speak to some of the parents of other children that go to her school?

I think you need to encourage her to bite the bullet and go and play outside and try and make friends. Talk her through some ways of approaching people and what's the worst that can happen. Or maybe she could encourage one of the people who are inside at lunch to come out with her for just ten minutes so she can try and break through that awkwardness. Can she join some school clubs perhaps and make friends that way?

Sorry seen she already does some clubs. I think perhaps you need to shift her focus from finding "good friends" to just trying to get along with and get to know everyone and in time maybe she'll develop a closer friendship. If shes focussing on having one close friend she may be missing opportunities of other friendships with people she assumes she has nothing in common with without giving them a chance.

Thanks Misty, I think you are right about focusing on just finding friends rather than a best friend immediately. We've encouraged her to go outside and chat to others but she says they are not very responsive (they have the groups of friends already) or she feels awkward which I can imagine. It's hard to be 13 but she is finding it extra hard and this has also manifested itself in her eating which we have to watch very carefully. She is calorie counting and feeling guilty about eating. Definitely a form of control.