DS has put me off having another anytime soon

[Ccoffee217]

Hi all, I'm not really sure why I'm writing here, I think I'm just wanting someone else to say they've felt/feel the same.

DS is nearly 2, I had PND and still take ADs but feel I have mostly come out the other side of that.
DS was a good young baby, slept through pretty quickly and could be left in his bouncy chair for 5 mins here and there whilst I did stuff around the house etc!
Things soon changed around 6 months, he started constantly making this frustrated moany noise and did it very often and I found absolutely nothing kept him busy for longer than 5 minutes at a time, naps were always short and random but he did and still has slept through the night.

As times gone on he's become more and more loud, tantrums over the tiniest things and I'm talking bashing his head in the ground tantrums and screeching, throwing food on the floor whilst laughing at me, he won't share anything and if other children come near him he'll screen at them and try and push them away. He's also started throwing toy cars and people.

If we meet up with friends with similar aged children our DS is always the one acting out and it makes me cringe inside and makes me not want to do things where other children make me realise how bad he is.

I don't know what we've done/not done, DH and I are, as parents come, probably quite good, we care to his every need and treat him with respect, have fun with him, play with him all the time.
Can a difficult baby/toddler become an easier 3 year old? I can't even bare the thought of another child which saddens me as I'd always thought I'd have 2 close together :-(

They don’t call it the terrible twos for nothing! It’s awful at the time and we had a lot of WTF moments but it’s just a phase.

DD was a very screamy baby so I was prepared early on, but I remember the two year old meltdowns. She would hit and bite! Two still felt loads better than her baby days so we started TTC when she was 2.2. Now have twins…

At 3 she’s amazing. My little best friend and I love spending time with her. At that age they can be reasoned with more, they don’t run off, are independently using toilet etc.

If you do want a small age gap, pregnancy and ttc is 1 year plus. Your little one may change a lot by then.

Each child is so different.
My eldest needed a lot of attention. My youngest was a joy - so easy x

It is literally just a phase!!!! My DD was very very tricky, standoffish, angry, bossy, challenging. To be honest I was half afraid of her. To say I thought “Damian” once or twice is not a lie

She is now the SWEETEST seven year old, and has been for years. She is thoughtful, considered, fun, intelligent, she’s a really lovely little person.

Hang in there… the two’s had me devastated as my relationship with my child went from me loving and caring for her and making her smile and giggle up at me, to one where I was overnight - teaching boundaries, correcting, reminding… it was a huge shift and I found it very tiring, and I was a bit sad too about the change in tempo.

I had dc2 when she was 19 months old. They are thick as thieves now - I absolutely love it.

She bossed toddler brother about a lot. Then he got bigger and bossed her about. Then they found their footing. Honestly thick as thieves at 6 & 7.

You don't need to have another op it's not a requirement.

Or have a bigger age gap, don't bite off more than you can chew.

Everything sounds totally normal to me.
It seems like you've gone in with the idea a 6m old could have been entertained by one thing longer than 5 mins?! I think you are comparing something that doesn't exist in all honestly.

Terrible twos are called that for a reason and my DS is the same with throwing toys in a rage, hitting us etc
It's a phase. They don't know how to deal with their emotions.
I think it comes across like you think he is annoying or extra difficult compared to other children, and he isn't...

My DS was an utter nightmare high needs colic baby (far better, but still more difficult than average at 16 months). I posted on here for the first time nearly a year ago. If there is one thing I took away from my post, it’s that most kids have a shitty stage at some point. Some are just harder and go on longer than others. You are thick in a shit stage, which feel a million times longer than a great stage. It’s nothing you’ve done wrong and reflecting on your sons behaviour as some kind of failure on your behalf isn’t healthy for anyone. He’s being a two year old. He’ll be entirely different, for better or for worse, by 3. My nephew was a demon at 2 and is now a wonderful, kind, fun boy at 3.5. My niece is completely the opposite.

There is nothing wrong with bigger age gaps as well. I know there are a lot of people on MN with 2 under 2, but IRL all bar one of my mum friends (with babies ranging from very easy to very hard) are waiting to age 2.5 (earliest) to consider having another (to be eligible for 30 free hours at 3, amongst other things). That’s not trying to say you are wrong - but if two in quick succession isn’t right then don’t dwell on it too much. All age gaps have their pros and cons. We might not have another at all as I’ve found it incredibly challenging. It wasn’t my plan, but plans change.

I hope things get better for you.

@AliceW89 thank you for your response! This has made me feel much better - I think it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when in the thick of a shit stage. Glad to know your DS became easier for you so that give me hope 😊