Help needed to word something to another mother at playgroup. Please.

[Chuffinnora]

Right at the end of playgroup last Friday another mother approached me and said DS(2.9) hit her son. She said she didn't want to make a fuss at the time. I didn't really know what to say so I apologised and she left. But afterwards I was fuming. DS is a bit boisterous and I'm sure he did hit him, but if I see him snatching , hitting or being rough I make him apologise. I don't really know what she expects me to do after the event. I can't talk to DS about it or expect him to apologise later. I want to say something this week ad thought I might say the following:
I'm sorry my son hit yours last week and I will certainly keep a closer eye on him this week. However if something else should happen I would appreciate it if you tell me straight away otherwise I can't deal with the situation. Also Last week you made me feel awful and there was no need. One day your DS will hit another child and when that happens I hope the child's mother has more grace than you showed me.
What do you think? She was so pious and PFB I just wanted to let her know that pride cometh before a fall iyswim?

Do you want to fall out with her?! Sounds a bit off imo.

Tbh I think you should let it go.

I would just leave it.

She will find out in her own time.

let it go.

Message withdrawn

Let it go.

Don't be mad, you will really upset her if you say that! It sounds like you're trying to lay a guilt trip on her for telling you that your son hit hers.

Agree with others - just leave it.
Yes, she should have said something at the time, but not worth worrying about.
Want good will it do?

Oh dammit - you are all so reasonable
I wouldn't normally be up for any type of confrontation but she made me so mad. I suppose you are right but I would like to let her know that when your little one does hit another its the kindness of other mums that gets us all through it and not making each other feel shit about this stuff.
Although typing that I realise that I wanted to make her feel shit.
OK I will follow the voice if MN reason and say nothing (is it ok if I surreptitiously cut my eyes in her direction?)

Just rant on here instead

I've been in your shoes (ds was a hitter/shover/biter) and learnt it is no good to be smug like this woman was. She'll learn in her own time.

She will learn, as her small child becomes an older child, if she is the type of person that will ever learn. If she is not the type of person that will ever learn, you could tattoo it on her inner eyelids to no effect.

She just wanted you to know yr son hit her son and just to be aware of it. I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to have a word with him after the event.

She sounded reasonable and I agree with others about letting it go.I probably would have felt a bit cross like you though because it is a complaint about my child.

No I wasn't cross with her telling me about DS but at 2.9 and not particularly advanced and not knowing the child's name I had no way of talking to him about it him afterwards. Usually he is made to apologise to the child at the time.
TBH if someone is crying at playgroup I assume Ds is the cause.

When did your DS grow out of it DrNotherner?

whn my boy and his best mate play together at one house or other the not present parent will generaly ask "who hit who" when they come back, it helps get the boys stories straight when they tell you about their time togetehr, neither is great at the i did to X, I had done to me distinction thing. The older one sometimes says he hit the younger one when it was just a bumping into or a tussle over a toy not a thump.

Perhaps she thought you'd seen the incident and had expected you to come over and apologise, rather than her having to approach you?

Last Sunday in church a toddler constantly snatched toys off my 8 mo, finishing up by deliberately standing on her hand Now I've had Toddlers and I know what they are like but I was furious that the parents not only did nothing at the time (both children were over by them) but didn't come over to me afterwards and apologise.

So I can see your situation from both sides. I think if you get snotty with her this week she might do so back because she probably thinks you are in the wrong here.

don;t write a letter

you are blowing this out of proportion, toddlers do this all the time, don;t make it a bigger deal

The first part of the statement sounds ok, up to the 'I would appreciate it if you tell me straight away'

The rest sounds a bit arsey, really. Sorry.

I go to a Friday playgroup. I told a woman that her DS had attacked mine the previous week. But I am seriously hoping I am not your mum (IYSWIM) because I did lay it on thick about how DS would be doing it some day and how I would want to know if it was my DS (as he had drawn blood rather badly, and not just my DS either - several other children and mothers' eyes were rolling from one end of the building to the other).

I fretted for ages about whether to say something as I wasn't at all annoyed with the mum, but thought if her DS was seriously hurting other children she might want to keep a closer eye on him as she is usually elsewhere. Maybe this woman was equally anxious? It is hard when you are a new mum and don't know the form.

In the words of peggy mitchel "LEAVE IT".

You are right, she should have pointed it out at the time. There is a little girl at one of the M&T groups i attend, she is a little OTT and does lash out at the other children. This is a small group and all the mums seem to know each other really well. If someone sees child x hitting child y, they tell her not to do it because it is not kind etc. The first time i see another mother tell her off i was effectively ducking and waiting for it to kick off, but luckily the other mother is aware of the problem and happy for other mums to say NO. Has surely to be the right way - although, i cant say i would be happy about another mum telling my DD off, even though i know it makes sense.