Not sure whether we've come to the end of the road with our nursery

[Ladybyrd]

Hi,

Our 4 year old was born in early September, meaning he won't start school until next September now, but I'm getting worried he isn't getting enough mental stimulation at the nursery. Every day when I pick him up, it's a lot of negative feedback about how he hasn't been listening, or has been playing roughly, not doing as he is told and generally misbehaving. He is not perfect, but we're seeing nothing on this scale at home.

These problems always seem to occur during play sessions, but given how often they're happening, I'm starting to wonder what activities they do throughout the day. I asked his key worker but the answer was pretty vague. I said I was concerned that he is acting up because he was bored, and in all honesty, we haven't had any pictures or writing come home in months.

Things got like this before, then he had a glowing report, but now we seem to be back on a downward trajectory again. I was a bit taken aback that one of the observations mentioned him counting from 1 to 10 the other day. He was doing that a year ago.

I don't know what to do for the best for him. Might he be better in preschool? Would it even be possible now, or is it too late?

I have gone over and over and over with him that he needs to do as he's asked, and he does, at home. He's always good with his baby sister. If I ask him to do something, he generally does - he does like to be praised. But every time I pick him up I'm having to go over poor behaviour at nursery, and apparently it just isn't working.

The nursery tell me there are some other children there who are quite boisterous when they're playing too, but there isn't another group to put him in. I don't really know what to do, but I don't feel like I can stand by and do nothing. I talked to them and they have said they will work with me, but has anyone had a similar experience?

Thanks

I don't think private nursery settings and school based pre schools are the same at all.
Nurseries can he run by people with a level three qualification whilst a school based pre school must have a qualified teacher.

That's not say there aren't good things going on in some nurseries but the standard will be generally higher on a school based pre school.

My DS is now in year 1 but he attended full time private nursery until he started school. His nursery had a pre-school room that was for age 3+ (if yours has 2 year olds too that really limits what they can do I imagine) and they did SO much school prep - he arrived at school knowing all of his set 1 phonics and able to write basic words etc. They also did lots of circle time etc to get them used to that and practising getting changed for PE etc. It does seem to really vary though as friends with children in other nurseries said their kids did no phonics at all. I don’t think school nurseries are automatically better - I preferred the smaller adult to child ratio in DS’s nursery and the more caring environment for him - but the quality does vary enormously so I think if I were you I’d look at other options.

"Your choice is ride it out or have him at home."

No. It really isn't. I do work from home, but I do have to work. While we could work something out through the holidays, that wouldn't be feasible on a permanent basis and certainly wouldn't be in his best interests.

Actually, the more I think about it, the less satisfied I am at the lack of activities. I'm sure they used to do more and the staff always seem stressed out now, which wasn't the case before.

I picked him up a while back and was told he'd bitten someone. Then while they were getting him ready, they found two bite marks on his arms and couldn't tell me how it happened - actually asked me if I'd thought he'd done it to himself (until it bruised? Really?). He's not biting anymore - thank goodness, but won't put toys away and do as he's told, etc. He does at home so it has to be something going wrong in that setting. Plus all they ever seem to do is play.

Meanwhile, they're reporting milestones he hit over a year ago as if this is news.

Nope. Slept on it (barely) and I'm even less satisfied.

"Nurseries can he run by people with a level three qualification whilst a school based pre school must have a qualified teacher."

I think this is what we need. Thank you.