Not waking when baby is crying

[100milesanhourr]

Hello, first time mun here and last night I put my alarm on to wake up to feed my baby who’s nearly 3 weeks old at about 3:45 this morning, she didn’t go to sleep until 2am so I was super tired, anyways put my alarm on ready to feed her but I woke up at 6am thinking ive slept through my alarm and her crying so asked mg partner what happened and he said he woke up to my alarm turned it off and went downstairs to feed her and I didn’t wake up at all like I didn’t flinch or anything and I feel so so awful, feel like the worst mother because I didn’t wake up to my alarm or her crying just lucky my partner was here to do it! I told him he should have woken me up and I would have happily done it because he’s up at 5:30 to go to work so he’s had no sleep either and now has to go to work all day. But I feel anxious too as I take a nap in the day when she does and I’m here alone so I’m worried I won’t wake up to her crying or needing a feed while I’m here alone. I feel so awful :(

It sounds like your partner woke up to the sound of your alarm rather than the baby crying. You were obviously exhausted so don't worry. I would easily sleep through an alarm!
Assuming your baby is in the same room as you I thinks it's very unlikely you wouldn't hear them cry

You're obviously over tired and need sleep...your partner was right to wake and feed baby as you should both be doing so. Especially as you were awake until 2am anyway!

You NEED sleep too.

I'm confused as to why you're setting an alarm - do you not normally just feed the baby when she wakes? Is there a reason for the alarm?

It sounds like you needed the sleep. Your partner did the right thing - he'll be fine.

Also Op, if the baby went to sleep at 2am then did she really need waking for a feed an hour and 45 minutes later?

You're obviously exhausted so that's why, you're still recovering from giving birth as well as trying to look after a newborn. I've had nights where I've slept through crying but my DH has got up with them instead. Definitely try to nap today (and every day!), you need the rest.

Can you just let her wake up naturally during the night or are you on a feeding/pumping schedule?

Is your baby in same room as you?

Don't be hard on yourself OP.

You will wake up when baby cries.

You do need sleep.

Try not to have too rigid a schedule.
If baby fell asleep at 2am you don't need to wake her soon after. We were waking our DS at 1am for a feed. We were insane!

It will settle and things will get better.

What in the name of God is this alarm setting about ??'!!! That's what the problem is here. Go to bed with baby and you will wake wen she cries,believe me because she won't give up
And throw away that alarm
How many babies in the last century starved to death because their mothers forgot to set their alarm and never woke up

Agree with PPs - unless there is medical advice around baby needing feeding every x hours, there should be no need for an alarm. Be kind to yourself, having a newborn is hard work and it's a massive shock going from normal to disturbed sleep. Let your partner help with feeds if you're not breastfeeding and try to make sure both of you are getting at least one 3+ hour chunk of sleep during the night. This stage feels like it lasts forever but blink and baby will be a walking talking human!

You slept through the alarm because you were exhausted as the baby had really only just fallen asleep.
Unless medically advised, there is no need to set an alarm. If the baby is awake and crying, feed her. If she's asleep, then leave her be. If she's awake and screaming for food, you WILL wake up.

Sounds like you needed the sleep and your partner facilitated you not going insane from sleep deprivation.

You're not a bad mum just an exhausted one.

Don't be hard on yourself, you are exhausted and you slept through the alarm, not the baby crying but even if you did sleep through crying, that's ok - you would have woken up. I slept through my alarm and baby crying at 1 week old when still in hospital (on a feeding schedule hence alarm) and was devastated when the nursery nurse woke me up but she said it happens and it'll not happen very often, it's just exhaustion. Get some rest if you can and don't stay awake today when baby naps, napping when they nap is key - my baby won't nap anywhere other than on me through the day but believe me if he went down I would be straight asleep!! Be kind to yourself, you are doing amazingly!

Obviously I don't know your situation but if your baby was full term and a normal birth weight and is gaining weight you do not need to wake them to feed at night imo.
If they are hungry IME they will wake up.
At 3 weeks my DD was feeding twice in the night b (FF) but she woke herself for this

And it's ok to share the nights even if he is working.
Sleep isn't just for the working parent. Looking after a baby is hard work.
We have always shared the nights

There is nothing to feel guilty about.

Your child has two parents. If one is exhausted due to tending to their needs, if the other one is at home they should step up and tend to their needs. Your partner stepped up without a fuss as he was aware you were exhausted. This is good for you, your baby and your partner.

Also you don't need to wake your baby up to feed unless you have been told to by a paediatrician. Babies will cry when they are hungry.

Your partner is heaven sent. Keep hold of him.

Trust your self, your baby, your partner and your family bubble that it will be OK just like it was last night. Your partner woke up, your baby was fed, you slept. All is good.

Sounds like from baby's perspective everything went well last night! You've had some sleep and can care for her better today that you would have been able to otherwise.

You're mum but it's not all on you. Your baby has dad too and you two are a unit. Baby got what she needed from the pair of you - you're doing really well!!

Ps. We had alarms for baby feeds too, it's not unusual. It's also ok to flex them if you & baby need rest more than food.

Was she actually crying though? Is she beside your bed? And yes unless there are health reasons she needs to be fed at exact intervals and so close together then ditch the alarms and just feed her when she wakes up. I doubt you would sleep through her properly crying a couple of feet away from you!

Thank you everyone, I feel better about it all just felt like such a bad mum this morning because I didn’t wake up! My partner is heaven sent he truly is and the best dad to our little one!
We set alarms because our midwife advised us too because she feeds every 3 hours she said to set alarms but what you’re all saying if she’s hungry she’ll wake for food and her crying is better than any alarm haha, so we’ll stop the alarms and go off her schedule instead!
Yeah she was a week overdue and she’s passed her birthweight too :)
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement it really does mean a lot! X

@100milesanhourr

Thank you everyone, I feel better about it all just felt like such a bad mum this morning because I didn’t wake up! My partner is heaven sent he truly is and the best dad to our little one! We set alarms because our midwife advised us too because she feeds every 3 hours she said to set alarms but what you’re all saying if she’s hungry she’ll wake for food and her crying is better than any alarm haha, so we’ll stop the alarms and go off her schedule instead! Yeah she was a week overdue and she’s passed her birthweight too :) Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement it really does mean a lot! X

I can't believe a midwife told you to set alarms? That's bonkers!! Unless there was a medical reason, everyone I know, including me (I've had 3) waited for them to cry when they were hungry! Honestly, you'll be fine. I'm glad you're feeling better. You're doing a great job and I hope you feel a bit more rested

Don't feel bad, I think most do this when they are at the highest level of sleep deprivation. You are still recovering, it will get better and baby will eventually sleep a little longer at a time allowing you a better rest. Unless baby is not gaining weight there is no need to set alarms for night feeds.

I had a rough birth losing a lot of blood and took a while to wake to baby in the 1st few weeks. Also took me ages to get out of bed so dh was waking too, as I recovered I was less tired and faster to get up so dh didn't even stir because we were up and gone. Now she's 7 weeks and sleeps much longer at night so I get a reasonable chunk of sleep each day.

You don’t need to set an alarm for a healthy FT baby that has regained their birth weight. I had to do it for both of mine initially too and I’m almost certain that the midwife never meant that you should be still doing it 3 weeks later. Have a chat with the HV if you really want to but I’d personally knock that it on the head right away. If it were me I would continue to feed at least every 3 hours during the day though, more frequently if baby is asking for it of course, but that would be the longest I’d leave them just because the more calories they consume during the day, the longer they’ll hopefully go overnight! But that’s really up to you. And don’t worry about not waking this time, I imagine your partner woke up the second the alarm went off, silenced it and got the baby. If she was really wailing I’m certain you would have woken up. You sound like a great team and I’m sure your baby is doing great

Your midwife is a plank. Let her sleep and get as much sleep as you can.