Anxious mum of soon to be 2 under 2

[lenajane26]

Basically wondering if there is anyone in my shoes at all. My child will be 20 months when my 2nd baby arrives and I'm terrified. Yes I'm excited but I find my excitement fade when I hear family members telling me how hard it is all gonna be, how I'll never sleep & to expect the next 5 years to be nothing but hard work. I expect it to be hard, motherhood is hard as it is without adding another to the mix but I feel like a terrible mum for not feeling as excited as I should. I feel massive guilt at the idea I'll spend days tired, stressed and not being the mum I want to be for my babies.
Also my partner works 2 week alternative nights to days and I'm just so scared.
I don't expect someone to pop on here and say no it's a piece of cake, just a bit of reassurance that it's not all doom and gloom as everyone seems to be telling me!

I had two born a year apart (almost exactly) and I was a single mum, I didn’t find it that bad tbh, it probably won’t be as bad as you are expecting!

Please don’t worry, I have an 18 month old and four month old. It’s hard work but so was one child 😂😂😂 actually I love it. Seeing them interact makes me so so happy. I may be mad but we are going to try for our third really soon as I was advised to complete my family sooner rather than later due to previous tough pregnancies. But to get back on track, you will be fine. You just need to be organised if you are not already. You kind of just wing it some days but really the transition isn’t bad because your other child is still so young you won’t have forgotten anything!!!

And also I got people saying all those things and it was rubbish. The only thing I will own up to absolutely hating is getting them ready to go park😂

I had 22 months between mine. They are now 3 and 5. DS was having a big sleep regression when DD arrived but I was ebf so at night she was all mine and DH was responsible for DS. And as soon as we could we got back to our pattern of alternating lie ins on weekends.

Having them so close was great. There was a long period when they napped at the same time every afternoon which was lovely for me and they get on brilliantly now, have done ever since DD was big enough to play with DS properly.

Do you have a double buggy? I thought we wouldn't need one and I could manage with a sling but being able to put them both in so they could sleep at the same time and I could be hands free was worth every penny.

15 months between mine and everyone decided it was their business to tell me how hard it would be how I’d never sleep again and basically try make me feel crap about it

You know what there were hard moments and there was definitely a lack of sleep but I love it! They’re now 3 and about to be 2 and they’re the best of friends. My 3 yr old is being diagnosed for autism so doesn’t manage well in big situations or with other children but his sister lights up his life and they are so wonderful together.

Also I found it much easier to table lack of sleep, nappies, teething etc all in one big chunk together rather than getting past it and having to revisit! Also they share all their toys so limits the amount we have to buy!

13 months between mine and honestly the first year of 2 under 2 was a blur.

My older DC was at home as she wasn't in any sort of childcare so both at home with me 24/7 was tough, plus lockdown on top of that with nothing to do with kids was really hard.

But now they're 3 and 2 and such a joy!

I had a bigger gap but my second baby ended up being twins! So I had 3 under 2 1/2.

Honesty you get into routines and it all works out and when they get bigger it's great!

But take all the help offered to you and when things seem overwhelming take a step back and see what you can change to help.

There's less than 18 months between mine and I felt there were advantages to the small gap. It was a long time ago as mine are adults now but having them at similar stages at the same time has been great. When they were little it was almost as easy to deal with two nappies as one and I'm grateful I never had to faff around with school runs and small babies

Personally, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Closest gap here is just under 14 months... Get a decent double buggy and with a bit of practice synchronised naps can be achieved!

Oh wow, thanks so much to all of you. Feel so much better just from this! I'm not naive I know there will be hard days but I have some hard days now! Not everyday can be magical but I'm excited to see my lil boy have a companion and just to have my family grow. Super excited now!!! :) May have to look into double buggy as I was thinking I wouldn't need one with a sling and my pushchair but maybe that will be a good investment!

I have the same age gap, 20 months, and experienced the same silly scaremongering.
I did go through a very stressful few months when potty training DC1 as DC2 had just started walking however that was in the thick of lockdown with just me at home (and WFH!) while DH was working outside of the house.
They are 2 and 3 now and the best of pals. I wouldn't change a thing

I had a dd in 2005. A dd in 2006 and a ds is 2008!!
Double buggy definitely!!

My first two were 15 months apart. My DH worked 12 hour day or night shifts at the time and took no paternity leave. Therefore I had to be able to manage mornings, bathtimes, bedtimes, through the night etc. alone. It was honestly fine.

Hiya I wanted to reply because I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old and honestly I have found it very hard work. Not so hard that it’s caused me a breakdown etc, but hard work none the less. Bare in mind my second child was born in lockdown and I had months of cold weather when I couldn't take them anywhere, and could have no visitors to help me. What I have found hard have been things like - expressing milk for the baby (had tongue tie, absolute nightmare) Whilst caring for toddler, mealtimes (both need attention and sometimes can go awry if tired etc), supervising both at playgroup (both have different needs, bigger one needs toilet, little one is not safe left alone etc). Feeling like I’m giving equal attention to both is often a challenge. Potty training was hard work - again leaving little one unsupervised as soon as big one said she needed a wee etc, not easy but we have done it.
What I have enjoyed - seeing them start to play together, getting little one in same routine as big one (now both go to bed and wake up at same time, so I’ve got my evenings back), being able to have another chance at the baby stage (I had PND with my first and it ruined it)
What I would say is that I am always tired, even though they both sleep through, because I work 40 hours over 4 days and look after the kids on the other days, I get no downtime really (I fall asleep early lol) they generate so much washing / tidying/ need for batch cooking etc I never feel like I’ve got things under control. I’ve had to learn to live with that feeling.
I would suggest like others have that a double buggy will be a life saver, as will occasional recourse to easy options (oven food, pre made weaning food, letting the big one watch TV while you feed the little one, asking for help). I have had great success with sticking to a firm nap and bedtime routine too x good luck and you will be fine! X

I had two 18 months apart. There were some hard moments/days but it was no way near as bad as I was expecting it to be. I think when you’re pregnant and feeling so tired and hormonal anyway and then you have a bad day with your first born all you can think is about how you won’t cope when you have two. But I think a lot of that is more to do with the fear of the unknown and being pregnant. You’ve had a newborn before, you know what you’re doing this time so it’s much easier in my experience.

My two are 3 and 4 now and it’s paid off big time having them close together. They play all day and are great friends

I had a two year age gap and I actually think it is easier to have babies closer together. You're already in the trenches so to speak of sleepless nights, nappies, buggies, formula and bottles etc. I don't understand people who have a 3/4/5 year age gap and get their life back just to go though it all again. (OK, I do understand I'm there are financial reasons etc). I am so glad now my kids are done with all of the baby stage. I feel sorry for parents of kids in my 6YO class at school turn up to school with their babies.

I actually also think it's easier for the kids too. My eldest doesn't remember a time when it was just him and neither of them remember the early years (which is probably for the best!). It is easier for an older child to feel sidelined i think. I know people who never really got over the sibling rivalry when a new baby arrived when they were older.

My DC also both slept well from 3 months on. I would never have considered having a second child if my eldest didn't sleep well.

@Kindleswitchface

I had a two year age gap and I actually think it is easier to have babies closer together. You're already in the trenches so to speak of sleepless nights, nappies, buggies, formula and bottles etc. I don't understand people who have a 3/4/5 year age gap and get their life back just to go though it all again. (OK, I do understand I'm there are financial reasons etc). I am so glad now my kids are done with all of the baby stage. I feel sorry for parents of kids in my 6YO class at school turn up to school with their babies.

I actually also think it's easier for the kids too. My eldest doesn't remember a time when it was just him and neither of them remember the early years (which is probably for the best!). It is easier for an older child to feel sidelined i think. I know people who never really got over the sibling rivalry when a new baby arrived when they were older.

My DC also both slept well from 3 months on. I would never have considered having a second child if my eldest didn't sleep well.

Such an ignorant comment. Often only the blessed can plan the exact age gaps they want.

I had 18 months between my two. They are 12 months and 2.5 now. Both had severe reflux and the eldest didn’t come off their medication until they were 2. They also didn’t sleep through the night until then! I found the first four months very hard, but it was lockdown and I had no family help as they were shielding.

Since the youngest turned 6 months it has been getting easier and easier. It’s actually quite enjoyable now, especially as she is walking now. They adore each other and potter around together all day.

Double buggy is a must (in my opinion). I had a tandem but switched to a side-by-side once the youngest turned 10 months as they were no longer content in the back. They now interact with each other as we go for walks which is lovely.

It was tough at times and I wouldn’t have the energy to do it all again, but I’m happy I did it and I’m so glad they are close in age. Good luck

21 months between my eldest and my twins. I was terrified my whole pregnancy. And it was hard, but not impossible. You’ll be ok, and they will be besties who entertain each other before you know it.