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Original poster

How to resolve this behaviour

23 replies

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 17:43

My 5 year old is usually super shy and tactful. Eg if I ask who should read a story at bed he always wants DH but doesn't openly say it etc

Anyway since starting school he is being a brat. Not in school but at home. Persistent disobedience pushing boundaries etc if the world doesn't resolve around him. If he has a Play date and his brother wants to join in he is horrible. He has started drawing on the walls for the first time in his life. Other times he is his usual self but these things are out of character for him.

Today he went to his swimming lesson and it was the teacher he doesn't like. He told her she was a rubbish teacher and he wanted the other one called x. He wouldn't do what she told him, disrupted the class. I don't actually get to watch the lesson so I didn't see it. Although why would she make it up?

I could shift him to the other guys lesson (it is on Saturday's instead of Tuesday) I checked and there is space but seriously am I giving in to a brat?

What is the best to do for the best? I could ask him to apologise to her and if he is good for one lesson move him on to the other guy

Feeling like a rubbish mother right now

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Rosesareyellow · 28/09/2021 18:00

You’re not a rubbish mum - I think it must be really hard to know how to deal with this kind of behaviour when you’re not used to it and it comes out of nowhere. I think you need to be firm with boundaries but at the same time gently investigate if there’s an underlying reason for his behaviour - there might not be one, kids do sometimes challenge boundaries out of nowhere, but if it’s coincided with starting school maybe there’s something going on that’s causing him to act out at home.

Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 18:39

@Rosesareyellow

Thanks for your kind words. I checked with the school and there is nothing the teacher could identify. She said he is very shy.

A lot of the other mums are saying they have similar issues. Maybe they are just going a long with what I say or maybe they are.... maybe it is the lockdown.

I feel like he really needs more sleep. He is always awake so late (not making a fuss but awake in bed) but he has always been this way.

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Twillow · 28/09/2021 18:43

I would worry that either something at school has seriously upset him, or that more likely he is emulating a 'challenging' child at school?
I don't usually say things like this but come down on it like a ton of bricks - cool, don't give him attention for it, but make it perfectly clear that it is unacceptable and there will be sanctions for repeat behaviour.

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Embracelife · 28/09/2021 18:46

He started school.
There is a,why
Move swim to Saturday
Keep after school low key go home and chill

Theunamedcat · 28/09/2021 18:46

He doesn't get to act like that and continue with swimming lessons he gets a choice behave for the teacher or it stops until he is older

He doesn't sound shy at all

Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 19:04

@Embracelife

I think he is mentally drained from school and he does just want to come home and chill. He really doesn't want to go to that specific lesson, he says it is because of the teacher but I think it is just tiredness.

I really wanted to avoid Saturday lessons because it is so busy and the class size is big, but this isn't working for him.

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BingBongToTheMoon · 28/09/2021 19:10

I wouldn’t change his lesson.
You said you don’t want to change for reasons…..so don’t.
He doesn’t get to speak to an adult like that, never mind a teacher.

Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 19:12

@Twillow

This is my instinct. The school teacher said he is very quiet and respectful. Kind of goes below the radar a bit, he lacks confidence often. I really don't want a bratty child so I want to nip it in the bud. I don't want to keep putting him into this swimming class that causes such epic drama EVERY SINGLE WEEK... but if I give up am I making a rod for my own back. I told him he has one more week, he must apologise and be well behaved for the entire lesson. If that happens he can move to Saturday.

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Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 19:15

@BingBongToTheMoon

I am on the same page. Manners is so important to me and I want to sort this out. My DH says that I just need to accept Tuesday isn't working and find a way out without letting him know we have in.

I spoke to my childminder and she isn't having any issues with him but she just chills with them. Maybe he is overstimulated?

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Embracelife · 28/09/2021 19:15

Just stop the lesson
As you say it probably tiredness
Hw can go when he settled into school rhythm

Embracelife · 28/09/2021 19:16

Kids dont always explain properly why

BingBongToTheMoon · 28/09/2021 19:17

[quote poorbehaviour]@BingBongToTheMoon

I am on the same page. Manners is so important to me and I want to sort this out. My DH says that I just need to accept Tuesday isn't working and find a way out without letting him know we have in.

I spoke to my childminder and she isn't having any issues with him but she just chills with them. Maybe he is overstimulated? [/quote]
I would just stop the lessons until he’s more settled in his school/ after school routine.
It does sound like it’s all too much for him at the moment.
A good healthy snack when he gets home, a good dinner, homework (if he has any), bath, story & a nice early bed.
Just relaxing after school will do him wonders.

Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 19:23

The funny thing is he is excellent at swimming, he should be so happy because he is a natural. His brother really isn't very good and gives me absolutely no grief whatsoever.... skips in to every lesson with a smile on his face and quickly sinks like a stone.

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Original poster

poorbehaviour · 28/09/2021 19:25

I do t want to take his brother out the quiet swimming pool is much better for him hearing instructions from the teacher.

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pennysays · 28/09/2021 19:28

My PFB has started school and has also developed challenging behaviour. But he is in a huge transition abs everything is overwhelming. He is tired. He will develop more stamina. It will be better. You sound like a very thoughtful parent. Just keep it chilled, realise some much is happening at school there is a lot to play out at home where he feels safe.

negomi90 · 28/09/2021 19:30

He's to tired for swimming now. His behaviour isn't naughty it's him communicating that after school swimming is too much.
Stop the swimming and think about restarting after Christmas when he's got more used to the routine or just do it in holidays. What ever works for you. Don't make it punitive, just say that swimming isn't happening now.
Let him go home or the childminder and chill.

Embracelife · 28/09/2021 19:34

He is not his brother.
Some kids get more tired.
The swimming isn't working just stop it for now

mamamalt · 28/09/2021 19:47

My just turned 5 yo also started school a few weeks ago and has been very challenging. Worse as he's loosing his temper at school too which was not the start I had hoped for. We tackled it with with drawing privileges such as TV time and implementing a star chart with the very basics on (kind hands, kind words etc) and lots of love and an earlier bed time! As of Sunday after a mammoth lie in he has been sooo much better but he really just wants to play when he gets home quietly by himself or with sister. He also has football on Saturdays which is hit and miss, last week he cried the entire time.
I'm rambling but all in all I think my point is they are still very little and it's a HUGE thing for them to start school and it can really take it out of some kids whether they are loud or quiet at school!
Lots of quiet activities TV and cuddles! Best of luck

discombobulatedonion · 29/09/2021 07:59

There’s definitely an underlying reason as to why his behaviour is challenging at the minute. Even if it is just tiredness, that’s reason enough for his behaviour to be challenging.
My son (3) has just started nursery 4 days a week, and every day without fail, after nursery finishes he is so challenging I end up crying myself to sleep - and in the moment it is frustrating, but he really simply just doesn’t know how to control his emotions yet.
I wouldn’t “make” your child apologise - let him know it’s an option but that he doesn’t HAVE to apologise. Forcing him to apologise now will just lead to false apologies in the future.

I know it’s frustrating in the moment, but please remember not to compare him and to be gentle with him. He’s only 5, he’s not doing it on purpose x

Geneticsbunny · 29/09/2021 08:56

Behaviour is communication. He is only horrible when with you because he feels safe with you and knows you won't abandon him even if he is horrible. Definitely drop the extra curricular stuff for a term and just concentrate on spending time with him and doing nice stuff. He will perk up quickly. Don't give him consequences for not being able to explain why he is struggling. He is only 5.

Original poster

poorbehaviour · 29/09/2021 15:27

@mamamalt

Sorry you are going through something similar. It is horrible and just is robbing us of the lovely experience of starting school.

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Original poster

poorbehaviour · 29/09/2021 15:28

@discombobulatedonion

Sorry you are going through something similar and crying in the evening. I hope you have a good support network.

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mumtoallbhoys · 03/10/2021 15:09

So I managed to change the swimming lessons to Sunday. It turns out the swimming teacher has a really bad reputation for upsetting small kids, so they moved me to a new teacher. Even though the younger DS likes her I couldn’t really leave him in the class after hearing that. They had their lesson today and it was all good. At least I understand that specific episode.

On the other stuff I am just being mindful to give him extra love and cuddles, not too many play dates. I hope it will pass

Thanks for the kindness and support from MN!

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