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Struggling with children and dependencey

6 replies

Marysjohn · 28/09/2021 17:12

hello this is my first mums net Post and im very nervous, this is a long one and may cause triggers. I dont want to get in trouble or upset anyone im just a mum looking for genuine help as im literally a woman on the edge. So basically I'll start my introducing myself as if it was say... 2017 as this is where it all spiralled out of control. I was a mother to my then 5 year old life was good I had three jobs , had a gorgeous house wasn't always show home standard but it was amazing and so was my our life. My first born was like my best friend we still are but back then was very close.went everywhere together ect ect. I got in a relationship had a baby in 2018. The babys always been hardwork and takes up a lot of time an attention which obviously affected our time together, she went from having a full mum to herself down to half if not quarter. I do feel sorry for her that must be hard as a kid but there's people much worse of and she knows I love her. But still must be hard. If it wasn't hard enough having a c section with the youngest less than a year later an old illness which ive always suffered with came back and i had a heart op. The children's dad is not in the picture and wasnt since I got pregnant with youngest in 2018. I was in hospital on my own with 2 children to proud to ring family and get them to get the children so I waited until 6 am and rang my mother and she said why didn't u ring straight away and came got them. A week i stayed in. Im not looking for sympathy or anything just painting a picture i suppose. A few weeks before this I met someone and its been this way ever since. He didn't meet the children until 7 months in. It took my daughter a few months to take a liking but now there little mates. Anyway we moved cities about 8 months later and been here ever since. But, this is where the Real problems start. I dont want to go into to much but I got prescribed two control substances and ive been dependant ever since. I started 6 months later buying online stupid I know. My children have never been without and I wil completely ignore any negative comments smile I am asking for help and im feeling really fragile. I told my partner family ect about the problem and we have come up with a plan which is going to take 6 months ( in total) to be free of any medication. At the meantime im struggling massively with my life. Im obviously physically and mentally struggling due to coming of medication, struggling with the kids. Their routine has deteriorated. My 3 year old just copy's older sibling who 70 percent of the time is being hardwork. Its a running joke i can't cope. My house isn't nice anymore I cant keep it tidy for moping around feeling like shit and Depressed. 3 year old screams 80 percent of the time no exaggeration. Moans at anything. Is still in my bed so my poor partner can't stay in it. My eldest attendance is slacking im so alone an scared I just want rid of medication and want the old me back. I literally hate my life. So much. Ive always worked and have been out of work a year. Im so sad.i want the old ne so much my poor children have a very poor version of me at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've gone up 3 dress sizes i cant do this anymore. The neighbours must think its a mad house with my eldest kicking off refusing to do as asked.. the baby always moaning. This is a very long post and im posting in the hope someone can relate. I need advice where do I start. Im literally begging for some life changing advice. I do breathing exercises, I listen to motivational videos is the physically and mental side of thins I cant cope along side coming of medication ive been on a while. Thankss if you read all this I appreciate any help or advice. Remember I wont respond to negativity. Thank you

Subject:
Struggling with children and dependencey

Message:
hello this is my first mums net Post and im very nervous, this is a long one and may cause triggers. I dont want to get in trouble or upset anyone im just a mum looking for genuine help as im literally a woman on the edge. So basically I'll start my introducing myself as if it was say... 2017 as this is where it all spiralled out of control. I was a mother to my then 5 year old life was good I had three jobs , had a gorgeous house wasn't always show home standard but it was amazing and so was my our life. My first born was like my best friend we still are but back then was very close.went everywhere together ect ect. I got in a relationship had a baby in 2018. The babys always been hardwork and takes up a lot of time an attention which obviously affected our time together, she went from having a full mum to herself down to half if not quarter. I do feel sorry for her that must be hard as a kid but there's people much worse of and she knows I love her. But still must be hard. If it wasn't hard enough having a c section with the youngest less than a year later an old illness which ive always suffered with came back and i had a heart op. The children's dad is not in the picture and wasnt since I got pregnant with youngest in 2018. I was in hospital on my own with 2 children to proud to ring family and get them to get the children so I waited until 6 am and rang my mother and she said why didn't u ring straight away and came got them. A week i stayed in. Im not looking for sympathy or anything just painting a picture i suppose. A few weeks before this I met someone and its been this way ever since. He didn't meet the children until 7 months in. It took my daughter a few months to take a liking but now there little mates. Anyway we moved cities about 8 months later and been here ever since. But, this is where the Real problems start. I dont want to go into to much but I got prescribed two control substances and ive been dependant ever since. I started 6 months later buying online stupid I know. My children have never been without and I wil completely ignore any negative comments :) I am asking for help and im feeling really fragile. I told my partner family ect about the problem and we have come up with a plan which is going to take 6 months ( in total) to be free of any medication. At the meantime im struggling massively with my life. Im obviously physically and mentally struggling due to coming of medication, struggling with the kids. Their routine has deteriorated. My 3 year old just copy's older sibling who 70 percent of the time is being hardwork. Its a running joke i can't cope. My house isn't nice anymore I cant keep it tidy for moping around feeling like shit and Depressed. 3 year old screams 80 percent of the time no exaggeration. Moans at anything. Is still in my bed so my poor partner can't stay in it. My eldest attendance is slacking im so alone an scared I just want rid of medication and want the old me back. I literally hate my life. So much. Ive always worked and have been out of work a year. Im so sad.i want the old ne so much my poor children have a very poor version of me at the moment. I feel like a failure. I've gone up 3 dress sizes i cant do this anymore. The neighbours must think its a mad house with my eldest kicking off refusing to do as asked.. the baby always moaning. This is a very long post and im posting in the hope someone can relate. I need advice where do I start. Im literally begging for some life changing advice. I do breathing exercises, I listen to motivational videos is the physically and mental side of thins I cant cope along side coming of medication ive been on a while. Thankss if you read all this I appreciate any help or advice. Remember I wont respond to negativity.
Thank you 💗

OP posts:
DoucheCanoe · 28/09/2021 17:28

I haven't dealt with addiction myself but I know what it is to be too depressed to function properly and feel like the world is working against you. It's bloody hard work but acknowledging that you're struggling is a big deal so be proud of yourself on that front!

Have you spoken to your doctor about reducing your medication? They can help you with a controlled withdrawal plan where you'll be monitored and offered support to do it safely.

Is your partner supportive and pitching in with the house/kids? They will pick up on all the angst, particularly your eldest who has seen you change so make sure they have someone to talk to and space sometimes. Get everyone involved in doing simple tasks - try to force yourself to do the basics and make a loose, simple routine to follow. I thrive on this and most kids do too.

Some 1:1 time with your eldest might be nice if possible too.

I know you said you moved away, do you still see your Mum? Can she help out in some way? Don't be too proud, she sounds like she'd want to support you and her Grandchildren.

One step at a time.

Hummingbird427 · 28/09/2021 17:43

Your children have had to cope with a LOT of change in a short period of time, those are massive upheavals.

You have had some good advice here already but sending you Flowers

Muttly · 28/09/2021 17:58

Didn’t want to read and run. I’ve not suffered from addiction but due to a difficult family situation I have mental health issues which can seriously affect my ability to function.

You have so much on your plate. I think you need to focus on taking small positive steps and building small positive habits and routines and letting these build up rather than hoping for any big change. There is loads of difference that small changes could make like spending a bit of time daily focussing on your eldest (TV on for youngest) and then move on to adding daily times with your youngest. Then maybe going longer and longer between medication or I know you have a plan around that. Planning nice date nights for you with your partner etc etc and then giving yourself huge credit for achieving the goals you have set. Personally I wouldn’t tackle the weight until you have tackled the other issues because there is only so much one person can take on and getting off medication, yourself and your children need to be the priority. Huge hugs it finds like you have been through the mill.

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Marysjohn · 28/09/2021 18:08

Hi thanks for replying very appreciated. I am on a reduced plan but its SO hard im so angry at myself for letting this happen. We go away one a month or have a day out we also have the odd day together at home in the day to do what we want or go out as the baby is in nursery two full days a week. I've literally got a note book an pen on table ready to write a plan for EVERYTHING, ill do that when their asleep. Thanks again its really nice to let a bit of steam off

OP posts:
Muttly · 28/09/2021 18:13

I am on a reduced plan but its SO hard im so angry at myself for letting this happen

Honestly it is hard hard to change from a place of shaming yourself. Be kind to yourself. You are where you are for a whole confluence of reasons, many not in your control. Getting out of it requires you giving yourself some peace and it requires a lot of support too. Have you considered a 12 step programme?

Wagglerock · 28/09/2021 18:15

Are you getting support from your GP or addiction services?

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