Hi, I'm wondering if anyone has had any experience in long distance parenting plans? I left my ex husband whilst pregnant and with a 2 year old. He wasn't a great guy and it wasn't an easy decision to leave. He did, however, manage to convince me at the time that I wasn't entitled to anything and I ended up leaving the marital home with my parents spare room as our only option for somewhere to live temporarily. He had the house and eventually gave me a very small settlement. I was clueless, scared and pretty stressed and I'm aware I made an appalling choices and should have sought legal advice. I would describe him as manipulative and a covert narcissist.
He's always put work before family and i don't feel he saw the children as often as he should have. Eventually it evened out to one night every 2 weeks. Long story short - later down the line I had a very good reason to need to move home plus not being able to afford rent etc and so 2 years ago he agreed to us moving 500miles away to give the children a better life.
At first I did all the journeying (I also have another very young child) and he refused until the visits stopped during corona virus. He doesn't speak to them on the phone regularly and once ignored me for a month not opening a single picture of his kids. I had to call his sister to tell him to speak to his children. Then after several months he agreed to visit the children and did the journey a handful of times. We eventually agreed to meeting half way however I end up paying for multiple ferries, hotels. He has a much quicker and cheaper trip and promised to take the kids to a hotel so they could rest halfway. He wasn't truthful, as he so often isn't, and took them all the way to his house and got home after midnight. Instead he'd staying in a hotel the night before at the meeting point and rested himself. The kids were sick and exhausted. Access has always been on his schedule - He tells me when he's available and we have to fit in. I always have by the way with the exception of our next planned visit. I had to cut it short by one day making it 6 days with his children due to ferries, new job etc. He was really rude and is taking me to court now for access.
My question is, generally speaking how much travel should the child themselves do? It's brutal on them and they get very sick. I was going to propose I do 2 full journeys per year directly to him, anymore than that and I can't afford it. The multiple trips have been very disruptive and hard on them. Then he journey to his children whenever he can/wants. He earns Considerably more than me too and has no other dependants. Does this sound reasonable or am I way off?