DS rude / temper at school

[SleepingStandingUp]

Slightly mortified that school have had a word today about DS being rude to the dinner lady (saying "full it up" at her with his cup) and it transpires he's been similarly rude at other times too.

He's also this afternoon yelled in class at the teacher (she asked what a word he'd wrote said) and again it seems like not the first time he's shown his anger in class.

I'm at a loss. He doesn't like school but he's normally able to hold it in. And if school don't tell me, how can I tackle it?

He's lost half a nights telly for being rude but I feel like when he's at school, he won't remember the punishment sufficiently to stop him doing it again

If he was my child I would be thinking what is causing this! He's obviously frustrated in school possibly anxiety coming out as anger so I wouldn't make his home life hard too! I'd make him feel as safe as he could so he qcoukd tell me what's actually wrong

We use "Zones of Regulation" at the school I work in (TA) and they have been very helpful for the children who struggle more, really noticed changes in behaviour (slight but still going in the right direction).

Am I the only person that thinks it sounds like he was making a joke? I guess the dinner lady doesn't have a sense of humour

Mind you the teachers always told me I had an attitude problem at school so I'm probably not the best judge

I guess it can be frustrating if you are in a class with lots of other children and don't feel as if you are being listened to by the one adult

Baby dust I do think he thought it was funny not rude, but the shouting in class he knew was not OK.

The punishment if I'm honest came about more because he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't sit and tell me what happened and kept dismissing it

Yep my DD never wants to talk about things that have happened at school either.

Sounds like he has a lot going on health wise OP and has done since birth? It was around this age that my DD became more aware of and angry about her medical difficulties - wonder if that might be going on with your DS. Especially if he has academic difficulties too.

My DD also has big emotional control problems (she was prem and oxygen deprived at birth). If your DS is like my DD and inherently is less able to control his reactions than other kids, then all the punishments in the world aren’t going to help really, it’s all about teaching him to calm himself and it’s a long process.

Having said that the dinner lady comment doesn’t sound like an emotional reaction, more a misjudged attempt at being funny. They are learning…

Trying not to cry at your post mini pie.

He's aware he's different as he has o2 on and although there's increasing amounts of time off it, he's massively combative about putting it back on. He's partly PEG fed but we have to do it when he's asleep as he now resents it (he knows it's done when he's asleep). I think he's also aware that he struggles with certain skills more than other kids - writing, PE etc.

He does have emotional control issues, lots of outbursts at home esp over endings and anything that's expecting of him there and then - eat dinner, go to the toilet, put on uniform, leave for school etc.

His behaviour has got worse since school went back (England) but also since he's been of o2 a bit

Oh so sorry I didn’t mean to upset you

If it helps DD is 8 and I think she is now past the “why me” phase and has been for some time, it was mainly around y2 as I recall. It helps that there are a few others around with health issues - diabetes, hearing etc.

Honestly there could be lots of things going on with your DS. Realisation/anger about the medical stuff; tiredness due to return to school and cutting down the O2; inherent emotional control issues maybe; who knows. But either way I reckon the standard MN “be super tough and he’ll shape up” approach isn’t necessarily right for him.

@minipie Couldn't agree more

No it's OK @minipie, it was more just someone seeing him as he is, rather than as an abusive male who's obv picked up his abusive behaviour from home and needs punitive punishment

I hope I didn't come across as thinking he was angry from home I didn't for a second think that, more didn't agree with other posters saying to make the punishments worse at home I think the last thing a child needs when struggling at school is to feel the same at home from experience I had similar with one of my children he was so stressed in school he ended up developing ticks the last thing I would of done is punish at home too! Since that experience I have learnt a lot

Ah ok, I thought I was upsetting you by suggesting DS might be upset about his health issues

He’s only 6 bless him, and he’s had a lot to deal with he will get there but there may be a few bumps along the way. Just keep communications open with school, let them know you want to work with them on any behaviour issues that crop up, but also every so often remind them he has a bit more to deal with than the average kid

Sounds like he is doing brilliantly by the way compared with what was expected of him, how fantastic he is clearly a very determined boy

OMG at someone having the sheer audacity to say he's 'verbally abused two women'

He's a little boy who's struggling at school. I honestly can't get over some people on here. Ridiculous

Op, just tell him off. Then lots of regular talks about how we talk to grown ups )and indeed, anyone around us) Lots of emphasising manners and exploring techniques to deal with frustrations. Tell him it's not acceptable and that you'll be working with the school to stop it. Reward him when he behaves - just small things of course

He will grow out of it with time, attention and monitoring it closely

Thank you Minipie and others for the last few messages. Looks like he a "good day" - they had to write for 1000 hours which is boring etc but nothing behaviour wise.

Academically he's flipping amazing. Not because he's anything more than average but because no one ever expected him to even get to average.