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Really concerned about son since starting school

8 replies

november90 · 27/09/2021 13:47

He's become extremely unsettled and behaviour has declined. It normally starts when he gets dressed because he hates his uniform. Once he's dressed he's fine and will go into school ok. He stays at his dad on Sunday and Monday night and when he takes him to school his behaviour is the worst. He ends up going into school screaming and lashing out all morning. I don't feel his dad gives him enough time in the morning, his dad feels that it's because he doesn't see a lot of him and his quality time is now compromised with school. His dad wants to change our childcare so he has him fri and sat one week and sun and mom the next meaning he gets morning quality time with him.
I'm absolutely lost with this. I think my son needs more consistency and routine to get used to the school adjustment. I fear that agreeing with ex is just taking away time from me and giving me more school (which I don't mind on one hand because I would rather take him to school if I can support him more).
I know nobody on here knows me personally but I'm just after experience and ideas. I'm feeling really emotional today.
Ex works in a childcare setting and often pushes me out because he thinks he and his family know more. He's told the head teacher today he wants our son to have a special aid because he's so concerned without really addressing the issue may be stemming from his morning routine and not getting up early enough with him!
Really appreciate any replies.

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1mx1mChocolateBrownie · 27/09/2021 13:53

Could it be coincidence that the 'behaviour' is bad because it follows a weekend and he realises he has another week of school rather than it being your ex as such. He sounds overwhelmed but that could be normal at start of school. When is he 5? Is ex impatient with him? Have you spoken to the teacher to find out how the days unfold when you take him vs his father.

I'd be careful about agreeing to ex having all the weekend time because it will be hard to undo once it's done. Maybe you could swap days around so he does thurs fri instead

1mx1mChocolateBrownie · 27/09/2021 13:54

Also is he getting enough sleep when he's with his dad? That would be a big trigger to this too.

LadyDanburysHat · 27/09/2021 13:56

You can't change how his Dad parents him, it doesn't matter how wrong you think it may be. Ask ex to not change the schedule for now as you think it will be more unsettling for your DS, but other than that. You can't get involved with his parenting.

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Doglicks · 27/09/2021 14:02

My youngest was overwhelmed when he started reception. He used to scream and cry and put his hands over his ears etc.

They allowed me to take him straight into this little conservatory bit on the back of the classroom and change his shoes there and allow him to adjust to the noise and hustle and bustle from in there.

Perhaps you / your ex could ask to do similar with your boy, if there was a quieter spot for him.

november90 · 27/09/2021 14:03

I don't want to get involved in ex's parenting because it's completely out of my control and I have made peace with that. But I suppose I was just explain my thoughts.
I feel my son is easily swayed into angry mode. I think following lockdown and the summer holidays he's had a lot of treats and needs some time now to chill and enjoying being at home. I have told ex about this.
He is just adamant it's because he doesn't spend quality time with him but if I agree to his new terms one week o do every school run and a Sunday afternoon and then the following his dad will be taking him to school which will be even more strange for him and probably more likely to play up!
I just don't know what to do :(

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november90 · 27/09/2021 14:03

@1mx1mChocolateBrownie I'm not too sure. Ex said that this morning he was shattered because I've been getting him up so early for school last week so I said he needs to send him to bed earlier in that case!

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Evesgarden · 27/09/2021 14:16

I think he needs at least one weekend morning with his dad. I live for my Sunday mornings with the kids as I work Saturdays. Sunday morning we relax and have cuddles in bed, get on the couch and read ect..

So I agree with him on that point plus it means you can have a weekend free every other week.

Regarding the asking the head teacher for an aid.. it will get ignored. They will see that he is different when you drop him off as he has been given extra time to get ready. I have two kids still in school. One can roll out of bed and walk straight out the door to school, the other needs to get up at 6;30am with me ( she follows me down stairs) and then sits and 'wakes up', eats her breakfast slowly, then gets her uniform on at a snails pace, they are all different.

Just keep pointing out the difference in when you take him and recommending her goes bed early and gets up early because its for his benefit.

november90 · 27/09/2021 14:25

Yes I do see this as a valid point, however, my concerns is that I just feel like my son doesn't react well to the change and this mew set up is meaning that I am doing a lot of the leg work to and no benefit of even a full weekend. Ex refusing to agree to alternating the weekend.
Ex is very in and down. He's had 4 jobs in the last 18 months and is constantly wanting to change things. He's now looking for a new job. The constant ran of change stresses me out, never mind my son!

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