Would this make you feel uncomfortable?

[mindutopia]

I should probably NC for this in case the other parent is on here, but 😬. Dd who is 9 has a friend who lives on the same street. He’s 5. There are no other primary aged kids on our street, mostly older people with adult children who have long since left home and some older teenagers. DD’s friends from school all live a 10-15 minute drive away. So she often meets up with this younger boy in the playground or a few times he has come over with his mum to play in our garden and twice before she has gone over to play at his house. She was asked over today by his mum when they saw us out and I was happy for her to go over. She went over to play for about an hour before dinner and then at dinner time I went to collect her.

When I got to the door, the mum asked me if she could stay over tonight for a sleepover. I was just a bit like no, we have a really busy day tomorrow, but thanks! Just because I was so shocked. But then when we got back home and I thought about it, it made me feel really uncomfortable.

Dd has never been to a sleepover before (obviously she hit around 7-8 just when COVID hit). I’ve met this mum maybe 10 times. We are on a polite first name basis, but I don’t know her surname or her phone number. I’ve never met her partner who doesn’t ever seem to interact with their child outside the house (we’ve lived here 2 years and I’ve never seen him at the playground or outside playing with him, he’s never introduced himself to us). Thinking about it just made all sorts of alarm bells ring for me. Why would you invite a child who is a significantly different age (her ds is Y1 I think and dd is Y5) over for a sleepover, randomly, when you hardly know each other.

Is this odd? I have reasons why I am unusually hyper vigilant and I tend to see threats in all sorts of situations where I think normal people with different life experiences probably wouldn’t. This means I sometimes doubt myself when my alarm bells go off.

It is pretty odd. Doesn’t necessarily mean risky odd but yes weird, I’d be cautious and keep an eye.

I find it more odd that you send your kid over there or have the mum round and don't even know her surname or phone number to be honest.

It's not odd at all, especially on here. I have read loads of posts where kids sleep over at other people's houses without the parents even meeting at any point beforehand.

That said, I personally disapprove of sleepovers. My DC are not allowed to sleep at other children's houses.

I'd find it odd that anyone would solicit a sleepover ever, esp given that you're all on the same street so they can play together morning, noon and night if they like. I wouldn't get "my child is unsafe" vibes, I don't think, just "Why the fuck would you?"

Maybe she was hoping that you'd take her ds sometime in return and she gets a night off??

It doesn't seem so suspicious to me
It seems like you're thinking suspicious odd
It comes across like you don't know her know her but you obviously know where she lives, she's been in your garden before so presumably you must have had an opportunity to have a try at a chat
Presumably her child wanted one. Mine would. So she asked
But of course that doesn't mean you have to say yes

I don’t think it’s odd that our dc play together and I don’t have her phone number or know her surname. I can literally see their front door from our kitchen window. Dd has been going to friends’ houses for playdates after school for years and while I do have one parent’s number, I never have both. If I drop her off and only dad is home (but how would I know if mum wasn’t?), he wouldn’t necessarily have my number or if Dh does, they wouldn’t have his number at all. We’ve known them for 5 years though and I’d trust them to make a sensible decision in an emergency.

Not particularly weird as they play together a lot from what you have did? was your child keen to stay? If you feel uneasy about it, it's also fine to say no.

You obviously don't feel close enough to your neighbors to trust them in a sleepover situation, and that's your call, but in my opinion it's not exactly batshit crazy to suggest a sleepover, especially seeing as they've known each other for 2 years now.
Some people are more inclined to do sleepover than others. I know a few aged 5s who were crazy for putting the tent up and sleeping over but with older kids rather than all aged 5.
Maybe because your child is older they see it as a "sleepover prospective" situation?

I would have said no but it wouldn't make me feel "really uncomfortable"

I should add, they’ve known each other only about 3-4 months. They’ve lived there 2 years but we only met them recently, which is why they’ve only played together about 10 times.

That doesn’t strike be as odd at all. I had a next door neighbour sleepover at my house when I was that age - the proximity isn’t really the point, it’s just fun for the kids (assuming they actually like each other).

I think it's odd. I work in a primary school and unless a yr5 child had additional needs, they wouldn't have much in common with a yr1 child, aside from being like an older sibling and helping them. Perhaps this mum was wanting your daughter to help with her son?
Either way, very odd and you did the right thing.

I totally hear you about being suspicious all the time. I am the same. That aside, it’s always nice for a child’s first sleepover to be with close friends in their own home, just to see how they do with being up super late and the pressure of it all, before trying it out at someone else’s house.

I think you probably had reservations for a reason, and maybe if you little one was used to it you’d feel better, but it definitely sounds like that wasn’t the right time for her first sleepover, for her or for you. It’s a huge deal emotionally to put your trust in another family when you’ve had life experiences that make you feel concerned - go easy on yourself!

It's so sad to see the suspicion that so many posters have. Can't you remember being a kid? The day ending was awful when tomorrow morning was aaaaaaaages away. I slept over at my best friends house at least twice a week In the summer and she lived a few houses down. My Mum hadn't met her Mum more than a few times. Unless I'd heard screaming and shouting from a house, seen wild parties, the police being called their regularly, kids being sworn at by parents etc I wouldn't think twice. I'd take their mobile number, give them mine and go and find my kids sleeping bag.

@zeeboo

It's so sad to see the suspicion that so many posters have. Can't you remember being a kid? The day ending was awful when tomorrow morning was aaaaaaaages away. I slept over at my best friends house at least twice a week In the summer and she lived a few houses down. My Mum hadn't met her Mum more than a few times. Unless I'd heard screaming and shouting from a house, seen wild parties, the police being called their regularly, kids being sworn at by parents etc I wouldn't think twice. I'd take their mobile number, give them mine and go and find my kids sleeping bag.

Yes but what about the age gap here?

I’m with @crazyguineapiglady - considering the age difference between the children I’m surprised you send her around to the house for an hour unsupervised by you when you have these other concerns about the boys father etc