Can't get DS to breastfeed

[Boogsie]

I'm really hoping to get some advice and/or support. DS is 10 days old, born via emergency C. I couldn't get him to latch to breastfeed in hospital and after 48 hours of him not feeding and screaming the ward down gave him a bottle. Ever since I have been trying to get him to breastfeed but he just won't latch. I think I have had him latch 6 times in 10 days so he can do it, but most of the time he just pulls away and screams until he gets the bottle. I've tried nipple guards which he sucks on for seconds then comes off. He gets offered the nipple at every feed. I e tried every position I can think of.....right now I'm expressing 8 times a day to keep my milk up in the hope he will switch but I'm getting very low. Please tell me if anyone has had this, any tips or even just advice on whether I should just give up and resign to the bottle?

It’s tough as zoom just isn’t the same as having someone there.

Have you contacted the breastfeeding network locally I’m not sure what there is available (and it sounds like you’ve already accessed some support but worth a try if not.
www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/glasgow/

That's great thank you. I've just registered so hope they can help

I definitely think it could be tongue tie! Lactation consultant will be able to tell you everything. I had a really tough breastfeeding journey and HV and midwives could not have been less helpful tbh. All they did was encourage formula. Very rarely do they have knowledge on BF it seems.

I had the hardest time in the world bfing my ds but now here we are and he’s just turned one so please don’t lose hope if it’s something you really want to do! I think you’ll really turn a corner once you see LC on Monday! Keep us posted! X

Have you tried feeding him one side whilst pumping on the other? Sometimes the dual let down can help

Good luck with the lactation consultant on Monday but don't feel guilty - your baby has a mum doing everything possible to keep him fed and healthy and that's the main thing

I remember being really shocked about how much work I had to do to get DS to latch properly. Position his head, grab my nipple and squish it into a burger shape, tickle his nose, wait for him to start opening and then really quite forcefully shove head and boob together. I though I'd choke him with how far the consultant said to push my nipple in but that was ultimately what gave him a decent latch.

Also yes to feed feed feed and skin to skin. We were doing 10+ feeds a day so just keep trying.

I also used to express with a manual pump just for a few minutes to get the milk flowing and to stretch my nipple out. That really seemed to help him.

Hi OP. I won't go into too much detail as you're seeing a LC on Monday, but in answer to a question in your second post.... Yes, a baby can absolutely still have tongue tie if they've latched occasionally, even if they've fed too. TTs often cause restricted movement of the baby's tongue in their mouth. This restricted movement means they are unable to massage the breast properly to feed effectively. Hence the screaming in frustration. They can smell the milk but can't get to it properly. Some babies can even feed for a while, but it's much too tiring for them with their restricted movement and they end up falling asleep at the breast, then waking shortly afterwards even more hungry and even more frustrated. And so the cycle continues.

Get your LC to check for both anterior and posterior ties, as the latter are harder to spot. Meanwhile hang on in then and keep doing what you're doing with the pumping and lots of skin to skin to keep the hormones working for you both.

I've been there, it's hard work. Best advice I had after a midwife observing was that i wasn't allowing him to open his mouth wide enough before bringing him in. Think of the biggest yawn you've seen them do and wait for that.
Took us ages to learn, defo less than perfect but still going 18 months later.
Get as much irl observations as you can, and combi feed in whatever way works for you if it's hurting while you learn together. Good luck

What people are saying about ramming your nipple right in whilst holding the baby’s head is correct, you are aiming to hit the back of their throat with the nipple and get as much areola in their mouth as possible. They won’t choke and it will have to be rougher than you think. I really wish I was nearer so I could come over and show you. I’ve bf four and every single bloody time I had to really try at this - every one of them did it slightly differently. My last midwife said bf was like a dance, where both partners had to learn to accommodate each other.

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Trying to establish breastfeeding after a traumatic birth is utterly exhausting.
Please don't feel guilty, you are doing the best you can to feed your baby. I experienced similar and here are some of the things that helped.

Try skin to skin, where you lie baby on your chest, upright with head near boobs. Try and do this before they get hungry. Let them guide their own head to the nipple, their head will start bobbing. Try and relax while you do this.

Try different shaped nipple shields, my baby likes a certain one

Try starting with the bottle and then try for a couple of minutes, if he doesn't latch give the bottle. Keep trying through out the feed but don't the for so long that baby gets distressed.

When giving the bottle, try doing paced bottle feeding, this mimics breastfeeding more closely.

Try not to let yourself feel too stressed about it. (This is really hard)

Try abs latch for the morning feeds. This is when babies are generally in a better mood and latch better. The evenings can be hard, so I never bothered trying in the evening.

Some feeds, just give the bottle and enjoy feeding your baby. You deserve to enjoy this process. Trying to latch them every feed isn't necessary and really makes it more stressful. My lactation consultant told me to to do this and it literally saved my sanity. Up until this point I had not enjoyed one second of feeding my baby.

As baby's mouth gets bigger they latch more easily, so you may need to keep pumping regularly and just keep trying. My baby just all of a sudden latched at 4 weeks (not consistently) and then we managed to get rid of the nipple shield at about ten weeks.

The lactation consultant should be able to help

Keep practicing, practicing, practicing but also if you want to change to formula, it is absolutely fine. Your mental health is important too. There are soooo many happy healthy babies in the world who have been fed formula and are absolutely fine.

I hope some of that helps x

Face to face support like the lactation consultant is a good idea. You could also see if there is a la leche League group near you. And YY to laid back/bio nurturing and skin to skin
Also try baby at breast after small bottle feed, relaxed, no pressure.

You are doing amazingly, expressing 8 times per day is hard going

As others have said I would check again for tongue tie. The book "baby led breastfeeding" I found to be incredibly useful (you can get it on Amazon) for learning too- it's such a skill and it doesn't come naturally to most people. It's very easy to start panicking if they can't latch quickly or efficiently but it's likely you can learn to do it together if you have the right support and information. Remember to hold him closely to your body so that his tummy is against yours, nipple to his nose, when he opens his mouth move your nipple into his mouth. If he doesn't latch first time (you will feel the tingling sensation and a right seal between nipple and mouth when he latches properly) then remove him and start again.

I would also follow milk making mama on Instagram for advice about latch and pumping too.

But as others have said if your bf journey doesn't continue then please don't beat yourself up. You've done amazingly to persevere this far and he sounds happy and healthy with a loving mummy. Yes bf is "best" but as long as he is being fed and you are both safe and happy that's the main thing.

It’s just taken me 12 weeks to get it .

My little one wouldn’t take to it. The once the lactation consultant came she said she couldn’t see why he wouldn’t take it as I was doing everything right which was so annoying to hear.

I pumped which was getting so hard and getting me down as it was so hard to find time and then decided to give it another go and he’s brilliant at breast feeding now.

Lots of good advice for you on here, OP. I just want to send support.

Patience (stubborness) and perseverance worked for me. My eldest and youngest were quite petite and it took us weeks to get BFing right. Latching on was difficult for them and I had to keep trying with positions, shields, etc until they got there. My middle baby was a chunky lad and got the hand of it straight away! The size and strength of their little mouths may be a factor which may be resolved by patiently waiting and persevering a few weeks.

@Boogsie glad you have a lactation consultant appointment tomorrow, they are a godsend if you want to carry on breastfeeding. My DD did have a tie which was able to be snipped and the consultant then recommend the koala hold for feeding as she also had a high roof of her mouth. I combo fed (BF and then offered a small top up after every feed) until a little while after weaning and could then drop the bottle. She is 16 months now and still breastfed morning and evening ( a bit more when she was poorly a few weeks ago). I hope it goes well, just remember though that a happy baby is a fed baby no matter which way they are fed (I also have a 17 years old DS who was bottle fed as his tongue tie was so bad and they didn't snip back then)

No specific advice but the kellymom website had the best advice online and helped me with practical solutions for multiple problems. But also don't put too much pressure on yourself if you decide to stop.

Hi everyone, wanted to thank you for your help and just update you. lactation Consultant was a help and the biggest thing she showed me to do was when in position essentially to shove his head onto the nipple when he has a wide gape. I've been doing this the last two days and now he is feeding more at the breast more often than not. It's amazing the progress that has been made in such a short period of time! I only wish this had been shown to me in the hospital by any number of the midwives who came to see me to discuss breastfeeding. The LC also assured me that 90% of women who leave hospital have problems with breastfeeding and it doesn't come as easily or as naturally to most as they would have you believe. Why is this not discussed more instead of to just keep parroting 'breast is best'? Anyway.s, a happier mummy who is seeing progress now

That's great! Glad to hear it x

I am so envious - but pleased for you. DC1 (now 21) was exactly as you described. Pulled away screaming but wolfed the bottle down. No midwife could get him on properly and I gave up. Community midwife and GP both e courage’s the bottle and to accept it. I was very angry at the time and vented it in a breastfeeding research project notebook . Why does no one say that some babies are like this. When expecting DC2 I wrote that the baby will decide how to feed and gave the midwife who snorted in derision at that both barrels.

That’s amazing news! It makes me so sad that there is so little breastfeeding support available. Breastfeeding is natural but we don’t see a lot of it in society now. When we were all in tribes we would have seen sisters, aunties, friends all breastfeeding and subconsciously picked up on things like positioning, but when I had my little girl I only knew one person who had breastfed. It might be worth seeing if there’s a breastfeeding group or la leche league running near you, I find it really nice to chat to other mums and get support.

I’m glad the baby is feeding alright now. The other thing i didn’t see in the suggestions yet was to feed when the baby is half asleep, before they’re fully awake.