Jealous of my antenatal friends

[DuggyDog]

I’ve become close with 2 lovely women from my antenatal group. We message most days and see each other when work allows. We have DC the same age (~15 months).

I’m just struggling though. My DS is a really difficult character. Has been since birth. He’s very serious and often very grumpy and his natural state seems to be crying and fussing over something/anything. The littlest things set him off and he’s been tantruming for months. He glares and screams at anyone who dares look at him other then me/DH. We went through all the possibilities when he was younger (reflux/allergies etc) and we are pretty sure he’s just very high maintenance. Sleeps and eats very well, we are lucky in that sense.

Their children are just delightful. Smiling and giggling and just generally enjoying life. They have their moments obviously - but it’s just that, moments. My DS is permanently hard work. They love parenting where as it is definitely something I’m just surviving.

I feel so jealous of them and I want to distance myself even though I really like them and enjoy their company. This is my problem, not theirs or their DC’s. I know that comparison is the thief of joy but it’s so hard when you feel so downtrodden.

How do I get past this?

I had this with DD delight around everyone but me 😭😭😭

Literally turned into a hellion. One day I had a cry to one of my NCT girls and she was like, kids that do this is because they feel safe in their attachment with you so know your someone safe they can test boundaries with knowing you won't stop loving them. My LO grew out of it and now is the most independent and chilled little thing.

On bad days i remembered her saying this to me, it won't last forever, have a look at leaps because that for us used to up the grump factor and play the game of tag with DH when you need to tap in and out xxx

i understand @DuggyDog and it can feel a really powerful emotion. I have at times felt completely overwhelmed with a mixture of resentment, anger and jealousy at friend who i perceive have 'easier' children.

one thing that has helped me a lot is everyday, when I'm putting my DD to bed, is i list 3 things in my mind that she's done today that I'm grateful for/ have made me smile. So it could be a nice cuddle, a laugh/smile, or just that she took a nap. it has made me feel better.

You need to learn to deal with your jealousy. Seems unnecessary to cut out friends because you are jealous of their child.

I get it OP. My daughter has a speech delay and I got very teary when her two little friends the same age where chatting away and mine couldn't keep up at all.

However she potty trained before 2 and they both struggled with potty training.

All kids are different. Hopefully this is the hard bit for you and toddlerhood becomes easier!

I can understand this. I had a friend who had a difficult baby. Mine was always happy, slept well, never crying etc. I think she backed away because of this.

My second is a lot more difficult, I do wish she was more like my first but well it is what it is. That's just her. She wasn't an awful baby but didn't sleep great or eat well. Now she's a crazy toddler nearly 2 and whinges and cries a lot more than she did when she was a baby. Climbs everything, bites and hits also nips and pulls hair. She's a terror. However, she's also a lot more fun now and saying little sentences. She says "I need a cuddle" quite a lot which is sooo cute.

Maybe ur little one will get better once they get a bit older. Do they prefer doing stuff and getting out and about. My little one loves being outdoors in particular, it's when she's at her happiest.

@Pissinthepottyplease

You need to focus on the positives and stop comparing your life to others who you perceive to be in a better/easier position. Your friends are probably wishing their toddlers slept and ate. You could also compare your life to people who are in a much worse situation - this may sound flippant but you like in the U.K. rather me than Afghanistan, your are in a partnership rather than a single Mum fleeing domestic violence, you have a healthy 15 months old rather than an ill child.

Kind of irrelevant I'm sure @DuggyDog is aware of all these things and was looking for some helpful advice

I had the loveliest, easiest baby in the world...he's an absolute nightmare now he's a teen

My dd used to endlessly scream as a baby ..she's quite a delightful child.

Love them both obviously! Point is, some stages are worse than others. They'll have tough points at some stage and you'll have easier ones at some stage

Hi OP- I had a very similar experience & so your post resonated with me. It is very draining. You have my sympathy.

My baby was like this, OP. The rest of the group’s babies sat and looked around happily while my daughter writhed and screamed constantly. Even the HV said what a serious baby she was

Anyway for what it’s worth she’s the opposite now - happy, sociable and confident. Has the odd tantrum obviously but is really easy most of the time. She turned a corner when she learned enough words to make her feelings and what’s known, around 18 months+.

The only advice I can give is to spend a small fortune on toys to distract him with while out, and bring lots of snacks 🤷🏼‍♀️ other people might disapprove of that but stuff them, they’re not the one dealing with a difficult baby!

@Pissinthepottyplease

You need to focus on the positives and stop comparing your life to others who you perceive to be in a better/easier position. Your friends are probably wishing their toddlers slept and ate. You could also compare your life to people who are in a much worse situation - this may sound flippant but you like in the U.K. rather me than Afghanistan, your are in a partnership rather than a single Mum fleeing domestic violence, you have a healthy 15 months old rather than an ill child.

Oh my f*ing god, really? Op ignore this absolutel disgrace of a poster. Op is unhappy, are her feelings not valid because others are worse off?

My friend has just lost her dh, shall I tell her to suck it up because at least she has a dh and hasn't spent her life lonely.
Or how about my friend struggling with secondary infertility? Are her feelings not valid because she has one child already?