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Newborn - Handhold please

7 replies

Ella267 · 22/09/2021 22:48

Yesterday morning I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, my husband and I's first child.

He was unexpectedly born at home and when we got to the hospital they identified a problem with his genitals. A paediatrician looked at him at 12.30am this morning and referred him to her senior colleague, who woke me up at 1am to tell me that they couldn't say for certain whether my baby was a boy or a girl. My husband had gone home by then and I was on a ward surrounded by other mothers and their babies. He told me to "hold off on announcing it was a boy" for the time being.

The upshot is my baby has to have lots of tests done over the next few weeks to check his chromosomes and DNA. This is so far beyond anything I ever expected and I'm devastated. To be clear, I don't care if baby is a boy or a girl as long as they're healthy but from speaking with the consultant earlier it could be way more complicated than that, such as a girl with a lot of testosterone, or even us having to choose the sex. There could be a whole host of issues which will affect him or her in later life. I know the logical thing to do is to wait for the test results and go from there but I just can't get my head around it. We already told friends and family we had a boy and I'm dreading going home to a load of 'congratulations on your baby boy' cards.

My husband has gone home for the night and I'm sitting in the hospital with what looks like a perfect baby, and just can't believe that this is happening.

Has anyone gone through similar, or could offer any advice on how to deal with this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Annoyedandirritated · 22/09/2021 22:49

Gosh how worrying I’m sorry no advice but hugs Flowers and congratulations on the birth of your child

Lasttimeneveragain · 22/09/2021 22:53

Congratulations OP.

I understand the uncertainty is worrying for you. Try to focus on your baby for now and cross each bridge as it appears.

MissOrganisedMe · 22/09/2021 22:53

Here for a hand hold. Appreciate how worrying this must be for you. Unfortunately, no advice but didn't want to read and run.

Hopeful that another informed poster will be along soon!

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NigellaSeed · 22/09/2021 22:54

Congratulations OP. They are perfect.

Intersex is iirc 2% of the population - the same amount as red heads.

Just wait and see, and whatever the outcome, knowledge is power and enjoy your special time with your baby

Perpop · 22/09/2021 23:02

Sending love, this will be ok ❤️

Gorl · 23/09/2021 07:37

Congratulations on your baby OP Flowers

This right here is the worst time - when you have unanswered questions and unresolved concerns. It will get better as you find out more and move through this journey.

There will be specific support groups for parents of intersex babies online - your HCPs may be able to signpost you to these.

Your baby is still a perfect, whole, unique person who will face all the usual challenges and joys of life. One way or another, it’s all going to be ok.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/09/2021 08:27

Congratulations OP! I bet your baby is beautiful.

I understand your worry though. If you have to choose its a weighty decision to make.

Try and enjoy your little one. Your baby wont care whats going on as long as there are a lot of cuddles and milk!

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