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Original poster

feel like a single parent

17 replies

GIGGL3MUCH · 21/09/2021 20:01

Im new here so im sorry if im doing this wrong lol
but for the past 3 years iv felt like a single parent. iv been with my partner for 10 years now & we have 2 kids. My daughter is 3 & my son is 2. Ever since having my kids i've been realising how much i actually do & how much he doesnt. Im always cleaning the house, im paying for most of everything (we go half on the bills, he also doesnt work at the moment due to personal reasons) im always washing the clothes. i do basically EVERYTHING. yes he gets up in the morning to take our daughter to nursery while i stay home with my son, but thats about it. my OH normally just sits in his corner of the sofa playing on MY xbox or hes on his phone for most of the day, leaving me to deal with all the housework & sorting the kids out. The kids always come to me when they want something, they hardly ask dad to do things, my son is also going through seperation anxiety with me so its really hard to get things done at the moment. But no matter how nice or how often i talk to my OH nothing changes, hes always doing the same thing everyday. I look at him when hes playing on the xbox & think either 'how the f can u sit there all day on xbox when you could be playing with the kids' or 'wow im wasting my life'. (im 30) I dont know what to do & im starting to feel like a single parent. Im so sorry for the long rant but iv been holding this in for 3 years & im really starting to lose it 🥺

OP posts:
FAQs · 21/09/2021 20:03

Neither of you work?

You’re not a single parent, you’re not in a great situation and I’d look to change it, but you’re not in the same situation as a single parent.

Blackopal · 21/09/2021 20:10

I have been in a situation similar to you and I am now a single parent. It is not the same thing.

However, you have my every sympathy. You sound at the end of your tether. You are too young to feel you are wasting your life and you do deserve better.

I assume it's impossible to talk to him and ask for change?

I would suggest you quietly start to look at your circumstances and figure out how you could manage without him.

Again every sympathy, I understand too well what it is like to be carrying everything and looking over at the man lump on the sofa.

coodawoodashooda · 21/09/2021 20:16

Im a single parent. You are in a worse situation than me. Get rid.

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Original poster
GIGGL3MUCH · 21/09/2021 20:17

sorry i know being a single parent is so much harder. i just feel like im doing everything & i didnt know how to explain it 😟

no matter what i say or ask him to help out more, nothing changes
but thank u 💜

OP posts:
ZooKeeper19 · 21/09/2021 20:18

Why are you with him? Why does he not work? How do you pay bills? So many questions...

I would say you ned to write down what needs buying and doing, and you ask him which of these things he will take on regularly (daily) without you needing to say or think about them at al. See what he says.

It's not uncommon to have 3 babies actually (two and the OH) but it is draining and will never work. Stop it now when you have the mindset.

coodawoodashooda · 21/09/2021 20:20

@GIGGL3MUCH

sorry i know being a single parent is so much harder. i just feel like im doing everything & i didnt know how to explain it 😟

no matter what i say or ask him to help out more, nothing changes
but thank u 💜

It's not harder than being weighed down by an arsehole.
Blackopal · 21/09/2021 20:22

Not exactly much harder, just different.

I carry everything, every pick up and every meal and every problem etc.
But emotionally that is easier than carrying most things as well as essentially being used and abused by the person that is supposed to be your partner in all things.
Pretending that's just fine in front of the kids and carrying resentment is very draining. Trying relate to someone who literally won't listen and does not care how you feel is hellish.

What's your practical situation? Do you work, do you rent or own your home etc?

Mustangdally · 21/09/2021 20:26

Sorry, you're not at all like a single parent. It's a little bit unkind to compare yourself to one also. I'm a lone parent, I'm 100% financially and in every other way responsible for my daughter and don't have a safety net of a partner, albeit a shit partner.
Your partner is lazy and you're carrying the brunt of the work. This is in no way comparable to being a single parent.

TheHouseIsOnFire · 21/09/2021 20:29

I was expecting you to get a load of replies along the lines of “you’re nothing like a single parent as you have someone to share the emotional load and finances” etc but you really don’t! You’d be better off as a single parent - one less mouth to feed, one person less to wash for and clean up after and you may be entitled to some single parent benefits to help you get back into work when your DCs are ready for nursery and school.

Do yourself a huge favour and kick this lazy layabout out. You can do better alone. Flowers

TheHouseIsOnFire · 21/09/2021 20:31

@Mustangdally

Sorry, you're not at all like a single parent. It's a little bit unkind to compare yourself to one also. I'm a lone parent, I'm 100% financially and in every other way responsible for my daughter and don't have a safety net of a partner, albeit a shit partner. Your partner is lazy and you're carrying the brunt of the work. This is in no way comparable to being a single parent.
Are you honestly saying you think you’d be better off with a man child wasting space and oxygen in your home while you do everything except the nursery drop off?!
TheHouseIsOnFire · 21/09/2021 20:32

OP I’ve been there - my life was immeasurably better once I split with my XH and he wasn’t a total waste of space, just an unhelpful one. FWIW he’s also happier on his own, so win win.

mswales · 21/09/2021 20:39

He's like an extra child, you would find things a lot easier on your own I think. One less person to look after and all that resentment and anger gone. What is he adding to your life?

Mustangdally · 21/09/2021 20:43

No not at all. I'm saying she isn't a single parent. There's a lot more to single parenting than the day to day stuff. I'm saying she's in a miserable relationship with her lazy ass partner who doesn't pull his weight...however there's still two people who have finances, two people, when push comes to shove can do emergency appointments and childcare, and two people living under the same roof where the children have both mother and father together... The exact opposite of single parenting.
OP is in a relationship with a waste of space and would be better off being on her own and being an actual single parent.

Northernsoullover · 21/09/2021 20:44

I'm a single parent and trust me its easier than having a waste of space supposed partner cluttering up the place

Changemaname1 · 21/09/2021 20:47

I’m a single parent and honestly your situation is worse tbh , you aren’t even getting the financial benefit of a partner by the sounds of it let alone any practical help , it’s easier on your own than having a loser like that around honestly ,

Hesma · 21/09/2021 21:19

Just you wait until you are a single parent and then you’ll understand!

You OH is lazy, you need to tell him to buck his ideas up

coodawoodashooda · 21/09/2021 21:37

@Changemaname1

I’m a single parent and honestly your situation is worse tbh , you aren’t even getting the financial benefit of a partner by the sounds of it let alone any practical help , it’s easier on your own than having a loser like that around honestly ,
Totally agree.
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