Toddler showing signs of ASD- Is it worth chasing a diagnosis?

[dottypencilcase]

Exactly as the title says.

Toddler has had 'quirks' since being a tiny baby- fussy, hard to settle, issues around texture and food, etc. As he's got older, these things got worse but he was always on the right side of manageable for me to think I'd give him more time and see how he gets on with things. He's recently turned 3 and I just can't cope, everything seems like a battle. He can't share, he cannot understand other people have needs and feelings, he follows me everywhere and will want me to play with him or he'll just hold a toy in his hand and stand around, he pushes his younger brother over at the slightest sign of him taking what the toddler is playing with, his diet is still restricted, he tolerates other children around him but doesn't play with them, looks away when someone talks to him and will reply but by not making eye contact. He's a serious child.

We were at playgroup today and whereas the other children his age were exploring and/or fully engaged in activities, my toddler just sat surround by 'his' collection of cars almost as if he was on high alert in case anyone took them away. He also had a long period where he was just staring at the windows (they were really high so not as if he could see anything out of them, etc.). It's a recurring theme, I take him out and he sticks out a mile as not being like the other children but I always thought he'd grow out of it but it's just getting worse in reality. He throws me re: his needs because he's verbal and enjoys taking part in conversations, can hold a conversation and joke but only with adults or very young babies. He doesn't enjoy the company of others his own age.

Should I see if I can get him assessed or am I wasting my time because he's still young and I should wait to see how things progress?

Please help. I'm staying awake at night worrying about him.

Absolutely. I'd write down everything, no matter how minor. Then you can either visit your health visitor, or see if your county allow self-referral. The assessment process is quite involved, so you won't be pushing him down a path - if he has ASD then he'll be identified early and that will benefit him. If he doesn't, you'll still benefit from knowing.

Starting point can be your HV or GP, worth a chat then you can decide with them what happens next.

Yes. Definitely. Even if it's only to get a diagnosis in writing to enable his future school to get funding to support him.

The HV agrees I should pursue this via the GP but it's me, there's something in me thinking his lack of socialising with others his own age is because of the disruption of the various lockdowns (but he still attended nursery so it's not as if he didn't have any exposure to other children his own age?!) or other factors (having had a sibling so early, etc.) but there are some things that just haven't improved. I think I need to accept there's something not quite right and speak to someone about it.

If you're worried, pursue it. It could be nothing, it could be too early to tell, you could be right and there's a diagnosis to be had.

It won't identify something that's not there and early interventions are invaluable if he does have ASD. Waiting lists are massive anyway so best to get on early!

Write out a big list of your concerns and take it to the GP and ask for a referral. My son was diagnosed aged 3.5 but is now a teenager, so that was a long time ago now.
The waiting lists are long, so start the process. He will still have time to develop his skills and as he gets older, nursery and maybe school will also offer support if he still has problems

The process is really intense, if they don't believe he has enough traits they won't write the report. It's worth looking at what support you can get. It sounds like occupational therapy could be beneficial. You could also see if there are any local services that offer play therapy.

My son is 2.5 and has been diagnosed twice actually. It helps me to reframe it... Instead of having him surrounded by neurologically typical kids and seeing that he doesn't measure up, try to spend some time on the activities and areas he likes. My son can't really cope in traditional settings like a soft play so I don't force him at this point. Instead I start with what he does enjoy and try to build from there.

I'd also see if there are any local parents or fb groups for support, it helps to chat to other parents often.

I'd get the ball rolling as soon as possible. The system is overloaded so you could be waiting for a long time. My DS was identified at age 3 by his nursery as having some issues in socialising (he was a delight 1:1 with adults but put him in a room with 7 children his own age and he was a different child). It took until he was 6 to get him fully assessed and diagnosed - and the system is a lot worse now.
In the meantime, it will do no harm to work on strategies which are recommended for children with various ASD traits both with the nursery and at home.
My DS is 24 now, has graduated from Uni and just about to finish his Masters both whilst living away from home and enjoying Uni life with very little support from us.

I do agree that time is of the essence. DD2 was 18 months when I first noticed quirks that I could confidently identify. She was 3 when I raised concerns at preschool. She was 11 when she was finally diagnosed, after 2 school failures and difficulties in a 3rd.

DD1 has attended special school since she was 4 and was diagnosed with ASD last month, at the age of 15.

Yes. I would keep notes and speak with nursery and HV. It takes a while to get a diagnosis but it's the best thing you can do for them in terms of getting them the right support going forward. It took me 7 years to get DS diagnosed! X

Op in my area the waiting lists for an assessment are 1 year if you can afford to go private or 3 if you can’t. I would suggest you at least go on a waiting list while reading up on it and communicating your thoughts to any preschools / schools he goes to.

Clicked send too soon. I was going to say go on a waiting list, if you feel he doesn’t have Asd then you can always come off the waiting list but if you wait for more evidence you might be waiting for years.

Nothing you said seem be out of the ordinary, the not sharing and pushing , my kid does exactly the same and she isn’t autistic. He’s probably too young to have developed much empathy. He may just be shy so doesn’t join in at play group.

Thank you all. Your replies have really helped. I've not been in denial about his quirks, I've just not been sure if they'd be considered ASD or severe enough to warrant a diagnosis.

Seeing him at playgroup today gave me a glimpse into the future and it really upset me. He doesn't have any friends. He's been at nursery since he was 15 months old and he still doesn't have any friends that he speaks of or that I hear of from the staff in their observations. I have had several complaints though where he's hurt another child for taking his toys or randomly. He's not a 'naughty' child and is verbal so is fully capable of talking his way through a conflict situation but he chooses not to. I don't understand why because he can have mature conversations with adults but around children, he becomes quiet and insular/a recluse.

He has also had a sibling for half his life but still doesn't like to play with him or share his things with him. There are full on tantrums and screams if the little one dares to touch a car that has been discarded but the toddler still thinks the little one can't have it. He's recently started refusing certain foods and prefers plain toast, crackers, etc. If I refuse and insist he has them with cheese, butter, etc. all hell breaks loose. His eating has always been bad but it's becoming worse. Also, he's started to pick at his skin- his fingers are a mess because he picks at his cuticles until they bleed. Ditto his lips. Bath times are now an even bigger nightmare because the water is "too hot" (it isn't, any cooler and it will be actual cold water) or he doesn't like the shampoo and let's not even start with hair washing. In the past I could distract him and he wouldn't cry, now he screams blue murder. He's also recently started refusing certain items of clothing because they're "too rough" or "hurt". I also daren't put a comb through his hair because it makes him wince and run away. There are so many sensory issues, I don't know where to begin.

@bigbluebus

I'd get the ball rolling as soon as possible. The system is overloaded so you could be waiting for a long time. My DS was identified at age 3 by his nursery as having some issues in socialising (he was a delight 1:1 with adults but put him in a room with 7 children his own age and he was a different child). It took until he was 6 to get him fully assessed and diagnosed - and the system is a lot worse now. In the meantime, it will do no harm to work on strategies which are recommended for children with various ASD traits both with the nursery and at home. My DS is 24 now, has graduated from Uni and just about to finish his Masters both whilst living away from home and enjoying Uni life with very little support from us.

Thank you. Your post gives me a lot of hope.

@Em2122

Nothing you said seem be out of the ordinary, the not sharing and pushing , my kid does exactly the same and she isn’t autistic. He’s probably too young to have developed much empathy. He may just be shy so doesn’t join in at play group.

I've thought this for a very long time which is why I've not done anything about it. However, as mentioned in my OP and subsequent posts, his reactions to certain things are getting worse and it's becoming clear it's not just a result of him being a 'typical three year old'.

Have nursery said anything? My son was diagnosed with autism at 2 and a half based on observations from home and nursery. It took half an hour with a paediatrician for them to diagnose him.

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

Have nursery said anything? My son was diagnosed with autism at 2 and a half based on observations from home and nursery. It took half an hour with a paediatrician for them to diagnose him.

They always discount my concerns as 'no, no, he's fine' when I've asked and have always tried to justify his behaviours which puzzles me because he's so different at home. That's also one of the reasons I've sat on my concerns for so long thinking Im overthinking things!

@dottypencilcase I feel like I'm in a similar position, how have you got on?? We've had a nightmare with our dd from very early on, she's now 3 but weve been through the mill! My DH has become so unwell as a result and I feel fried. I have raised to nursery a couple of times who have said she's fine, no concerns I thought I was over worrying but I have always felt to me it's very obvious something is not right! She is extremely sensitive, not laid back at all, meltdowns felt like they went on forever and the noise or sign of it makes me want to run as it's gone on so long now. Nothing consoles her, even strict discipline didn't affect her at all, felt like she didn't see us, sometimes feels like she has this cold look through us and other kids if they get anywhere near her she throws them a dirty look and can't stand them near her. She can't cope with soft play it's too stimulating for her and we've had awful experiences of her going in to full meltdown and having to leave. Clings to me, needs me with her constantly when other 3yo cope just fine, recently chaperoned 20 3 yos at her dance school they all coped fine, mine not so much and clinging to me. But copes fine in class without me. Socks have to be perfectly, meltdowns if passed broken biscuits, doesn't seem to understand No! The only child that refused to go on the sand on holiday, I feel so so miserable and drained, I am at breaking point and realised at 3 this surely can't be normal toddler behavour so I'll also be contacting the HV for advice. She had a mtldown once where she repeated the phrase I want chocolate buttons over and over for 1.5 hrs, she was dark red with anger as I had said not until after dinner, nothing stopped it, she exhausted herself but it went on and on it didn't feel normal at all! The sound was horrendous x

@dottypencilcase Did you get a diagnosis or did your son grow out of his tantrums and quirks? X