Did anyone become SAHM after baby 2?

[Ccoffee217]

Considering having another DC if we're lucky enough next year. I currently work 3 days a week and DS goes to nursery. I do find the combination quite stressful at times, for example getting ready in the morning and having time off is DS is poorly etc.
I can't help but think it'll be even harder with 2, and then again when oldest DC starts school with drop offs and pick ups around house work etc!
Money would be tighter on just my DHs wage, but I think becoming a SAHP might allow us to be more efficient, e.g more home made food and less fuel costs.

What did you do/plan to do?
Thanks :-)

Ive been a sahm since just before I got pregnant with my second.

It's tight money wise. Plus side is when the kids are in pre school/primary school, you're always available when there's school holidays, sickness, inset days etc. I only did it really as our youngest has sn and lots of medical appointments. Also we have very little family support so no one to help out with school holidays or school run or sick days. All childcare would have had to have been paid for which is expensive but also a logistical nightmare. Do you have any family support? That makes a big difference

It is indeed harder with two DC, but time off etc can be shared and I personally wouldn’t want to take the big personal risk of SAH, eg loss of salary medium to long term. Fathers almost never SAH.

I actually ended up going back from PT to FT when DC2 was still quite tiny, primarily due to having great childcare at that point (childminder/preschool) and the challenges at work and home of working PT, and discrimination. Found FT easier, which seems counterintuitive!

How old is your DS? After DC2 was born, I took an extended maternity leave until DC1 started school. The timing worked out so I had just under 18 months off and then I started a new job. Nursery costs do go down when the funded hours kick in, which helps.

I didn't have a job to go back to after DC1 (was on a fixed term contract) so I worked out how long I could stretch my maternity pay for and took my time finding a suitable job. I have been really lucky and found a term time only, mostly school hours job, but it is very low paid. DH has a good job so we were able to count on that while I've been sorting it out.

That said, there is wraparound care for schools and friends of mine who work more standard hours do manage it around their children. Family help definitely makes a difference - my parents live miles away and my ILs aren't able to help, which is why I am sticking with my current job.

I personally find I spend more on my days at home entertaining my DC - snacks out, fuel costs, general socialising. Although I love being with them, I honestly couldn't hack being at home fulltime with them - last year almost broke me.

Not a stay at home mum but only worked evenings so it felt like that for a few months. I enjoy being there for the kids but definitely need my space and to have a workplace identity.

I considered this after my second pregnancy. I’ve recently had twins! I also have a 3 year old.

But I decided, I have a great employer and it’s not worth giving up a very comfortable job when I’d have to look for work in another few years anyway.

Finally we’ll break even with me working, but it means more job security (anyone can be made redundant at any time these days), paying into pension, keeping my skills up and keeping pay rises etc. also, it was hard to start but I think nursery has been very beneficial for DD.

I may decide to take some extra time which my company allows. So I could potentially return to work when twins are 18 months.

I think it all depends on your employer. I know mine would be happy to give me school hours when the time comes.

School years are just as important as the early years in my opinion. I’m staying in work so I can get more flexibility later on. If you started a new job when they go to school, what hours could you get and how flexible would they be?

I did, but I wouldn’t give up a decent part time job personally. Once the children are in school you’ll probably want to be working again, and decent, well paid, mentally satisfying part time jobs aren’t that easy to find! The trick is not to take on all of the parenting tasks just because you are part time and your partner is full time.

Meant to add I am also part time 3 days a week 9-5. My plan when I go back is to do 9-2.30 for two days, and one day 9-5. I work from home so it’s amazing. I’d be silly to give that up!

Agree that the primary school years are just as challenging in different ways as the early years, childcare wise. And different challenges again with teens!

@Dozer

Agree that the primary school years are just as challenging in different ways as the early years, childcare wise. And different challenges again with teens!

I keep reading this on here- would you mind saying just briefly what the different challenges at primary school and then in the teenage years are? Thanks so much and sorry for derailing x

@mairiflowers

Sorry you didn't ask me directly but I thought I'd answer anyway!

School is only usually 9-3 whereas nursery and childminders often are 8-6.

School has 14 weeks holiday per year to get childcare cover for. I found lots of childminders did before and after school care but didn't work in the holidays!

Sickness days

Inset days

Teachers strikes

Random half days at the end of term

Constant requests from school for parents to come in (apparently Ofsted love parental engagement) so parents are invited to reading sessions, multi cultural days, assemblies, sports day, plays etc etc

@Comedycook thanks for the insight!
It's stuff like this that has got me thinking it would just be so stressful for me to work alongside all of this. All the planning and obstacles, add in work deadlines and colleagues on holiday, I don't know if I could handle it.

That said I think part of my issue is I don't really like my office job, and I'm not on a huge amount of money (although I'm paid well enough to mean it's worth going to work after childcare fees) but not enough that it puts me off becoming a SAHP.

Sometimes it does feel like everything's stacked against women, I felt like this when I went in maternity leave. There seems to be such a gap between the 2 worlds and it's hard for women to have something in the middle without feeling like constantly juggling. I'm sure some people out there are lucky enough to have good managers and workplaces that it doesn't feel like such a struggle though!

I guess I need to work out how I feel after(if) I have baby 2.. who knows!!

I became a sahm after baby number 3. The juggling of a part time role (3 days a week) and on a charity sector salary vs childcare costs in a city made it something we could consider. Simply ending the juggle was a big layer of stress removed. And with each child I felt the pull towards staying at home more, 1950s as that felt and surprising as it was to me, as my career had always been v important to me and we’d been lucky to find childcare that worked with our first two kids.

I was made redundant when pregnant with our 2nd and didn't return to work, was in a recession too. I was only part time before and was pregnant with our 3rd when my MA finished so we'd got used to less funds anyway. We worked out that with 3 my potential income would have been similar to childcare costs and not financially viable for us. It is much better for us on the childcare front as dh works away a lot. Been a sahm for 11 years, we had our 6th child last month. We budget well and I'm very organised.
Others are right about challenges of childcare/school, when kids get ill they go down like dominoes and that can easily have you off for a week. School rules can be a pain, they have certain ailments they will not have them in for 48 hours after just in case.

I wanted to be a SAHM after DC 2 & DH agreed. I took a career break from my employer so I know I can go back to the same pay grade when I return so I do have that security. I have a small age gap between my 2 so it works me being at home but my goodness some days I long for work! And I miss the money. I plan to go back when the free childcare hours kick in (eldest will be f/t school then).

Thank you @Comedycook!

By accident rather than design! Got made redundant and then Covid happened and that was it. I'm actually really enjoying being off and it's certainly made life overall easier although it's pretty lonely and isolating at times.